I Miss Her Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 So me and my girlfriend broke up for the second time a week ago... im one of those guys who is a helpless romantic and does everythin for their gf...she doesnt have many friends so basically we spent every day together and in the end she got bored of the relationship both times...i am hopelessly in love with her and its so obvious to everyone who sees me..so anyway during the last couple months of our relationship we stoped having sex and things dwindled down..but as soon as we broke up shes flirting with me and wants me...so we had sex and it was very passionate and she couldnt stop kissin me and tellin me she loves me..but once we talked about us she said that she wanted to stay broken up and that she also wanted to be with me until we move on...she insists there is no one and cant tell me why she wanted me back the first time. but now im really confused because she is encouraging me to see other people yet she cant stand seeing girls like hug me. i dont know wat to do..she cant stop holding my hand and acting like we are togehter but she insists we need to move on...PLZ help me:(
Skeered Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 move on.. She wants to hold onto you so she's not alone until she finds someone else. Plain and simple your feelings mean nothing to her, she's leading you around to where she wants you.. Say seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ya.....
Author I Miss Her Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 its not that simple...this girl did this before and she also cant stop acting like shes totally in love...and i can tell its not faking but i just dont know if she will stay like that...like she doesnt try to hit on anyone or anything...and she tells her friends that now that we broke up she realizes how much she loves every part of me...i know wat u guys mean but if i just say "see ya" then i might be making a huge mistake...she proceeds to call me everyday and we always hang out at lunch and before school (im a senior in high school) and i dont know wat to do...i tell her that i dont want to kiss her and be with her like that but she just cant stop feeling the way shes feeling... if she just wanted me until someone else i dont think she would be so persistant...wat do u think? thank you for ur opinions
Tangerina Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 When I was a senior in highschool my BF broke up with me... but we still had sex about 3 times for the month that we were broken up and we spent tons of time together and went on a trip and sometimes he would be really affectionate... I knew that he really did still love me too and wasn't faking it, but basically he was being really manipulative... he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a relationship but he wanted to pretty much have all of the benefits without the responsibility. He explicitly told me this. After about a month I was like, look bub, we can't just be in between anymore, either get back with me and be a real boyfriend and live up to the responsibility or I am leaving for real. He decided to come back and we were together for 2 more years but I really should have just realized there was something really wrong if he was willing to sleep with me and be affectionate to me and yes, even love me, without being willing to take responsibility and own up to actually having a relationship to me. He knew I would do anything for him but this break up was a way for him to feel ok about not being there for me. Long story short, we broke up earlier this year but the first breakup kind of became a repeating pattern... This time I wouldn't take him back and now I am with a boy who knows he can't just mess with me on his terms... Don't let this happen to you! If she wants all of the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility it just wont make you feel good, ever. I am sure she really does care about you, just as my ex cared for me, but until she is willing to really walk the talk I'd say don't give her the time of day. Maybe explain this to her and she might decide that she is ready to commit, but don't let her have it both ways!
J dub Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 >its not that simple Oh, but it is -- you just dont WANT it to be that simple >this girl did this before History has a tendancy to repeat itself. So what? >and she also cant stop acting like shes totally in love Acting is the key word here. >and i can tell its not faking Can you? Women are THE BEST at faking. Ask any of us, we are pro's. I'm serious. >but i just dont know if she will stay like that She will until she finds someone else to hang out with. >like she doesnt try to hit on anyone or anything Someone will hit on her, give it time. >and she tells her friends that now that we broke up she realizes how much she loves every part of me She's one of those: wants what she cant have - types. >but if i just say "see ya" then i might be making a huge mistake Why? Shes only thinking of herself here, why not only think of YOURself too? >i tell her that i dont want to kiss her and be with her like that but she just cant stop feeling the way shes feeling Um, dude...people dont shut off feelings like a faucet. She's falling out of love, she has all the symptoms. Just cut the cord and end the misery already. >if she just wanted me until someone else i dont think she would be so persistant Yes, she would be because she only has you right now. Run for the hills my friend.
Skeered Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 >its not that simple Oh, but it is -- you just dont WANT it to be that simple >this girl did this before History has a tendancy to repeat itself. So what? >and she also cant stop acting like shes totally in love Acting is the key word here. >and i can tell its not faking Can you? Women are THE BEST at faking. Ask any of us, we are pro's. I'm serious. >but i just dont know if she will stay like that She will until she finds someone else to hang out with. >like she doesnt try to hit on anyone or anything Someone will hit on her, give it time. >and she tells her friends that now that we broke up she realizes how much she loves every part of me She's one of those: wants what she cant have - types. >but if i just say "see ya" then i might be making a huge mistake Why? Shes only thinking of herself here, why not only think of YOURself too? >i tell her that i dont want to kiss her and be with her like that but she just cant stop feeling the way shes feeling Um, dude...people dont shut off feelings like a faucet. She's falling out of love, she has all the symptoms. Just cut the cord and end the misery already. >if she just wanted me until someone else i dont think she would be so persistant Yes, she would be because she only has you right now. Run for the hills my friend. TOTALLY 110% agree with this poster... You act as though it's all up to her...it's not, she's pulling you along as though you have no feelings...you do and I hate to be so blunt here but grow a pair and say see ya...there's better women out there...you are young yet don't just wait for her. She had the chance to be with you and she chose to not "want" that...her loss...
Author I Miss Her Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 alright i understand that maybe she just wants me right now...but i dont believe that is true for a couple of reasons... the main reason is that when we are together we are totally in love...every single person that sees us knows that..but because we hung out everyday things got dull...also the fact that i smoke a lil and she didnt like that at all...she doesnt want to get back with me..not because of the responsibility but because she promised herself that she wouldnt come back to me just because we decided before i go to college we have to break up and move on our own ways..i am not niave(spell check) to think that we will survive temptation considering we are so young and need to explore other people... but i love this girl and i want to stay with her at least until it becomes long distance... she feels the same way but she doesnt want to go back out if it becomes dull and we become unhappy...(we were only unhappy because all excitement died down because there was never anything new and we therefor didnt have much to talk about) anyway i understand ur reasoning but i think its a lil more complicated...i just want to know if u were here and u were in love and loved the guy and were attracted to the guy..why the hell wouldnt u go back out with him?? thanx for ur opinions keep them commin i value and take in consideration every comment
Skeered Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Ok I really feel that you aren't listening to what advice we are giving you because we have answered this question.. But to answer the most recent question regarding if I liked a guy and things got dull would I still want to be with him...personally I feel like two people that are truly in love make their own excitement by exploring new things together to keep things interesting..even if it's something as simple as watchin a new TV series to have something to talk about..but if I felt I had nothin in common with that person I would probably close it out. If you both love to be around one another it shouldn't get dull enough to say let's seperate because your bored...
jesse01 Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Ok, first of all you need to realize that the responses you are receiving are speaking from experience! I know I have many a time said "If only I had known then what I know now" regarding my high school years! You need to value the input given, and realize that even though you are so sure that your situation is unique, it really isn't. There are thousands of people going through the same thing with the same type person. Haveing said that, I want to say that I don't think this girl is doing this to you on purpose or that she doesn't care about you. I think she is an average, immature female that knows what a great catch she has, but doesn't want you as much as she wishes she did. So, she is trying to keep you and be available for the next guy she finds exciting at the same time. She doesn't know how to handle those feelings yet, and the sad thing is, girls like her will never learn to, as long as there are guys allowing them to treat them this way. Its like spoiling a child! She's getting exactly what she wants, so why should she ever do anything different? As for you, I'm going to give you one of the best piece of advise about women you may ever get. Yes, we all want a caring, sensitive, unselfish, giving man that will be our prince charming. But the key word here is MAN!!! There is a very fine line between being caring and being a doormat! We want a MAN that will not take our crap and will let us know when we're out of line, and that will WANT to spend the rest of his life with us, but will certainly survive if he can't. The men that are too giving and "whatever you need dear" WILL (not might) WILL end up in a relationship where they are the slave to the master. They will spend their days being taken advantage of, and most likely be cheated on because their behavior may be sweet but it is NOT ATTRACTIVE!!!!! I'd bet thats why the sex was dwindled when you were together, but great when thought she only had you by a string! Sorry to go on and on, but I think this is a turning point for you, a chance to show what you're made of, and have the self-respect to say, "You need to find what you're looking for, and I need to find someone that deserves me." And WHEN she comes crawling back (oh, she will!) you need to smile and say, "I'm sorry, I just can't. I've just been so much happier since we've been apart, I think its time you moved on too." Cause she just proved she only wanted what she couldn't have. I shall step off my soapbox now!
lilmoma1973 Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 I would say she don't know what she wants and you need to move on and find someone that don't want their cake and eat it too!! She sounds immature and isn't sure what she wants !! good luck
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy? I think it would help you out a lot.
Author I Miss Her Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 alright first of all...the person who said u need to be a MAN and kept going MAN....ya u really understood me wrong...i didnt give her everything like that...when i said i gave her everything i was talkin about love...im not an idiot...i have common sense...the reason the sex died down (from my point of view) was because we were literally married...and we are in highschool ...think about that..i saw her before school...in school and afterschool and every day during the weekend...and she hung out with me and my friends...so thats why it got dull..anyway thanx to my friends and all of u i realized wat i was missing was that i didnt consider how i was feeling...i should have voiced my feelings long ago when i wasnt as happy with the situation as i wanted to be..anyway i told her that i couldnt take it and that she needed to decided and that i would be here for her no matter wat and that i will stay best friends with her (yes i know its gonna be soooooo hard but its worth it) and i told her how much i love her and that i just want her to be happy. im happy with my decision because it felt sooo right when i did it..even though i want to just have her in my arms and i could have for a couple months at least but its worth it to move on and not get more hurt...i dont know her answer but im pretty sure it will be that she wants to be on her own..and i know she will come back...but i am not going to hold grudges ..she was sweet kind to me until the end and admitted that she doesnt want to lead me on thanx guys and i will post and further results :-D u guys were all helpfull ...even the person who tried to tell me i wasnt a MAN and therefor wasnt attractive...definetly not the best advice considering theres no logic behind that statement but thanx anyway
Author I Miss Her Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 oh ...and one more thing...if every time someone comes back to u u say "no im happier without u, u need to move on" just because it proves they want wat they cant have...thats just dum...basically ur saying no matter wat never take anyone back...
J dub Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 They said you werent being a man because youre acting like a doormat if anything else. If she truly loved you, it doesnt matter how "dull" things got she would have stuck around for the long haul. Better now than in 10 yrs out of nowhere, right? The people who think love is all about the butterflies and excitement need a serious reality check. It's so much deeper than that.
jesse01 Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Just wanted you to know that I apologize if I offended you, I was truly just trying to help. All I had to go on is what you posted and that was my reaction. It just really burns me up that there are so many nice guys out there that do finish last, simply because there are things they don't understand about how women see them, or how manipulative they can be. Sorry if my comments bothered you.
Author I Miss Her Posted December 9, 2005 Author Posted December 9, 2005 no problem sry if i came off hard too...i know im a nice guy and i finally realize i deserve more...as i posted before i ended things for good with her...and now shes gettin jealous about girls i talk to and stuff but i think shes moving on..unfortunatly shes thinkin about hanging out with this dickhead whos going to treat her bad...he only cares about ass and shes going to find that out the hard way..she promised me she wouldnt hang out with him and now she probably will..i told her wat i think but the rest is up to her..im gettin along fine but i cant stop thinkin of her...life is complicated to say the least thanx for ur help -dan
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