various questions on dating, attraction, etc.

[loony]

I had various thoughts running through my head recently and as I don't want to start a couple of different posts, I will just lump my questions and thoughts together to one post.

 

1. Are there other women who also don't like this cocky & funny approach or is it just me? I just see it as a technique to create an artificial attraction in order to collect some phone number and that is too unpersonal for me. Also in my opinion guys who do this try too hard to win a woman over. Sure, I might be entertained for a while, but that's it. Am I the only one who prefers a real emotional connection to this cocky and funny thing when she goes out with someone?

 

2. It seems that some men like to engage in debates and it turns them on. I sometimes find it entertaining to let my inner spoilt brat out - hehehe - but personally I find it somehow a turn off if a guy responds the same way. We might become good buddies, but I don't think I want to date him anymore. Some guys on the other hand seem to enjoy arguing with a woman. Why? I suspect that they are immature and want a challenge?

 

3. What do you think when a guy acts as if he's not interested in you (when you're kind of seeing each other already and around other people)? I asked someone recently if my feeling that he had been ignoring me sometimes was right. And he said he certainly did. He told me, in the beginning of a relationship it's like watching a butterfly from a distance. You don't want to grab it straight away. First you've got to appreciate it. But you need to play with it first. So you might stroke it from a distance with a blade of grass. Then you get to see how it moves. Well, the result was, I felt like second class and was angry. He might not have played this game very well and stressed my tolerance level too much, but in principle what he did still seems like a bad idea to me. Is it common that people act like this when they date or are interested in someone? I admit, I also have my personal tests, but what I want to know I find out by talking with this person and by observing his behavior, I don't set up special tests, I judge people through their interaction with me.

 

I've also been reading a book lately and it said that a woman should not lose her nerves when a guy seems a bit distant or withdrawn, it means he's testing how she will react when she's stressed. - Huh?!? Am I right to believe that these guys are immature or should I really just consider it part of the dating and getting-to-know-each-other process? Is there any woman who would continue dating a guy if she had the feeling he was testing or ignoring her?

[JoL]

1. I used to think cocky/funny guys were confident and usually more attractive for this reason..but the older i get the more i realise that when a guy behaves like this in the first few meetings, it is usually due to deep insecurity...cocky guys are usually ego-driven from my experience, which eventually results in various other issues. This aspect of male personalities has now become a turn-off for me. I prefer to have a good conversation and find out about the person for who he is, not the showy act he puts on to "impress" me.

 

2. A good healthy respectful debate is good once in a while...but if a guy starts off on this foot or wants to turn everything into a debate, i get turned off VERY quickly. Even after a few months of dating, if everything is an issue and a debate, i find it to be the quickest and biggest turn-off, even if i like the guy.

Some guys just want to prove their intellectual dominance.....alas, a lot of the time these guys are thick as bricks.

 

3. This is the games that men play...and women too!

I know a lot of guys and girls who dont want to be TOO interested at first, so they will play it cool to gauge the reaction of the other person. Sometimes a person who DOESNT react becomes even more attractive!

I personally dont blame these bulls#it games. If i want to speak to someone, i will. If i dont, i wont.

But yes, i know for a fact that people do this.

Guys have admitted to me that a girl who is too keen or reacts with concern or impatience to the icy treatment is nowhere near as attractive all of a sudden.

 

Call it crazy, but this is WHY i constantly tell my coupled friends it is a JUNGLE out there...dont enter the dating world it is HELL!!!!!

[slubberdegullion]

1. While you may not like the c/f technique personally, it's simply a way of breaking the ice with someone. Like any similar technique, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, some women respond and some don't. I don't like it myself because to me it seems too contrived, but hey, if it works for other guys, who am I to tell them they're wrong?
   
2. Some guys happen to enjoy a good argument. Not a throw-the-dishes, why-are-you-always-late argument, but a discussion about the events of the day or whatever. For me personally, I really respect people who hold a different opinion than I and can discuss it without getting all emotional. But that's just me. Now, you can call that immature if you want, but the fact is that if you're responding to it, then you're only perpetuating the cycle. So who's the immature one?
   
3. This thing about 'tests' leaves me a bit puzzled. On one hand you said you get offended if you feel you're being analyzed, but in the same breath you wrote that you have your own personal set of traits that you look for through a series of tests. So is this one of those situations whereby you are free to jab and poke and test as you please, but you won't allow anyone else the same freedom?
   

a woman should not lose her nerves when a guy seems a bit distant or withdrawn, it means he's testing how she will react when she's stressed. - Huh?!? Am I right to believe that these guys are immature or should I really just consider it part of the dating and getting-to-know-each-other process?

Here's a quick newsflash: It's not all about you. Maybe, just maybe, there are other things going on in the guy's life and he's distant and withdrawn for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with you. In my experience, relationships form part of a man's world, but certainly not all of his world. Again, who's the immature one here?

[loony]

JoL, I agree with you!

 

Call it crazy, but this is WHY i constantly tell my coupled friends it is a JUNGLE out there...dont enter the dating world it is HELL!!!!!

That's what I say all the time...

[loony]

2. Some guys happen to enjoy a good argument. Not a throw-the-dishes, why-are-you-always-late argument, but a discussion about the events of the day or whatever. For me personally, I really respect people who hold a different opinion than I and can discuss it without getting all emotional. But that's just me. Now, you can call that immature if you want, but the fact is that if you're responding to it, then you're only perpetuating the cycle. So who's the immature one?

I think I didn't make it very clear. I called them immature, because they were attracted to women they were arguing with, probably because they considered them a challenge. I'm just arguing with them for fun. Guess, I'm a wussy and I have enough of challenges.

 

This thing about 'tests' leaves me a bit puzzled. On one hand you said you get offended if you feel you're being analyzed, but in the same breath you wrote that you have your own personal set of traits that you look for through a series of tests. So is this one of those situations whereby you are free to jab and poke and test as you please, but you won't allow anyone else the same freedom?

I test, but in a subtle way. I may ask questions. I look how they behave. I don't provoke people though to get a reaction. I don't ignore them or am hot one day and cold the next one.

 

Here's a quick newsflash: It's not all about you. Maybe, just maybe, there are other things going on in the guy's life and he's distant and withdrawn for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with you. In my experience, relationships form part of a man's world, but certainly not all of his world. Again, who's the immature one here?

You misunderstood me. I don't have a problem with a guy being busy, I hate it though when I realize he's ignoring me on purpose. And the guy I mentioned in my post before, he ignored me when we were out on an excursion together. I'm not so oversensitive that I can't be on my own.

[slubberdegullion]

You're right, loony, I guess I misunderstood the intent. Fair enough.

 

Seems I was a bit grumpy yesterday! Mondays. Oh, how I hate Mondays...

[loony]

Seems I was a bit grumpy yesterday! Mondays. Oh, how I hate Mondays...

I'm grumpy, too! Good!

[slubberdegullion]

I'm grumpy, too! Good!

Then where's Sneezy, Dopey, Bashful, Doc and all the rest? I know Snow White is upstairs banging the Prince, but there's work to do!

[Outcast]

Am I the only one who prefers a real emotional connection to this cocky and funny thing when she goes out with someone?

 

There are levels of c&f. If it's an aspect of his sense of humour, it can be entertaining if it's true wit and not 'funny' like certain people we know. However if it's a shield against deeper communication, it's just boring.

 

2. It seems that some men like to engage in debates and it turns them on. I sometimes find it entertaining to let my inner spoilt brat out - hehehe - but personally I find it somehow a turn off if a guy responds the same way. We might become good buddies, but I don't think I want to date him anymore. Some guys on the other hand seem to enjoy arguing with a woman. Why? I suspect that they are immature and want a challenge?

 

I think you're talking about the sort who always need to be right, actually. If you disagree on that many things, what's the point.

 

3. What do you think when a guy acts as if he's not interested in you (when you're kind of seeing each other already and around other people)? I asked someone recently if my feeling that he had been ignoring me sometimes was right. And he said he certainly did. He told me, in the beginning of a relationship it's like watching a butterfly from a distance. You don't want to grab it straight away. First you've got to appreciate it. But you need to play with it first. So you might stroke it from a distance with a blade of grass. Then you get to see how it moves.

 

Could he have just meant that it's a way to observe someone to figure out if you mesh?

 

I've also been reading a book lately and it said that a woman should not lose her nerves when a guy seems a bit distant or withdrawn, it means he's testing how she will react when she's stressed. - Huh?!? Am I right to believe that these guys are immature or should I really just consider it part of the dating and getting-to-know-each-other process?

 

Again, no blanket statements are ever right. Maybe some men are playing the game. Others are truly shy. Others have been bitten badly before and that makes them hesitant. Not everyone is playing a game and the only way you know whether you're with a gamesman or not is to get to know him. Reading these books and applying the formulas they give you almost guarantees that you'll misunderstand people.

[loony]

Then where's Sneezy, Dopey, Bashful, Doc and all the rest? I know Snow White is upstairs banging the Prince, but there's work to do!

Don't come with cocky or funny answers, you know I don't like them!

 

I need to preserve my grumpy mood! Grrrrrrr :mad::mad:

[slubberdegullion]

I need to preserve my grumpy mood!

Oh, that's easy. Just think of the mess that GWB and his gang o'cronies are doing to the United States. That's enough to put Jesus is a bad frame of mind!

 

I love it when you growl... rawr....!

[loony]

There are levels of c&f. If it's an aspect of his sense of humour, it can be entertaining if it's true wit and not 'funny' like certain people we know. However if it's a shield against deeper communication, it's just boring.

I know people who try so hard to entertain I'm getting irritated. Then there are others who you meet in public and they are kind of entertaining, but I've never really perceived it as really genuine interest, but more as a way to collect phone numbers.

 

I think you're talking about the sort who always need to be right, actually. If you disagree on that many things, what's the point.

No, they don't necessarily need to be always right. Some are just very argumentative.

 

Could he have just meant that it's a way to observe someone to figure out if you mesh?

To put it plain, I felt like an idiot after his test. He was obviously after a fling, but it would have been nice if he had treated me like a friend at least, but not even this happened.

 

Anyway, karma's a bitch and he got it back from some other girl later.

 

Again, no blanket statements are ever right. Maybe some men are playing the game. Others are truly shy. Others have been bitten badly before and that makes them hesitant. Not everyone is playing a game and the only way you know whether you're with a gamesman or not is to get to know him. Reading these books and applying the formulas they give you almost guarantees that you'll misunderstand people.

I was just curious if more people do this. For this guy I knew it seemed to be the standard procedure when it came to new relationships.

[loony]

I love it when you growl... rawr....!

Meow...