Saskia Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Hi, ive been with my boyfriend fr 4 years. he is at a separate college from me 5 hours away,and while we have different friends we are still very close and i see him most weekends, if not every other weekend. I have trust issues and he is very settled and never asks me if ive cheated whereas sometmes i feel the need to ask him. anyway, recently he changed his email password which i used to know, so naturally i was suspicious. This weekend i went on the computer after him to check my email and was able to enter his account. i know it was wrong but i read his sent emails. turns out he sent two emails to women telling them that he was into dominatrix and that he would like to meet them. in one email he mentioned that he had a long term girlfriend and that she (ME) wasnt into it. in another he gave his phone number. I confronted him and he was angry with me for reading his mail. he said i made him feel bad about himself and where could we go from here. we were spending the weekend together so gradually both forgot about it. but last night before he left i was crying saying i didnt understand. as the anger had subsided he said he was sorry. but that s all he could say. and now i dont know what to do. can we or should we carry on as normal? he said it is not about sex and that it is about something different than sex. he said that they never got back to him anyway. when i asked him if they had would he have met up with them he didnt answer.when i said that we could go on a break and maybe he could experience this stuff and see if he enjoyed it he said he didnt want that. this guy is my life. i have had a troubled home life and he has really helped me through that. i suffer from mild depression and he is (most of the time) there for me. but is it really possible to salvage it now? please help. i cannot sleep of eat and i am at my wits end. its so embarrassing that i cant talk to anyone and he wont talk to me about it and has pretended things are normal again.
JayKay Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Why don't you write him a long letter expressing everything you just told us? Say you can't go on, pretending things are normal, until you are at peace with this issue. Him just saying he's "Sorry" doesn't cut it. In order for you to feel secure in your relationship again you need to feel you trust him. Tell him the trust has been broken and unless it's rebuilt, the relationship is on hold. If he cares enough about you, he will be willing to talk openly and honestly about what happened and why. And if you are prone to depression, I'd suggest seeing a counselor; most colleges have a health center where you can see one. DO NOT stop eating and sleeping. You are only going to sabotage your grades and health. Try to deal with the emotions constructively.
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 turns out he sent two emails to women telling them that he was into dominatrix and that he would like to meet them. in one email he mentioned that he had a long term girlfriend and that she (ME) wasnt into it. in another he gave his phone number. What a wonderful opportunity to vent your anger and satisfy your two-timing boyfriend's kinky sexual fantasies all at the same time! The next time he visits, drop-kick that sucker with a well placed knee to the groin and proceed to b*tch-slap the crap outta him. When he regains consciousness, he may even ask to marry you!
slubberdegullion Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 The next time he visits, drop-kick that sucker with a well placed knee to the groin and proceed to b*tch-slap the crap outta him. Yep, why resort to reason when physical violence is so much more fun? I can't help but think that if smacking around a woman was suggested, the response may be somewhat different...
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Yep, why resort to reason when physical violence is so much more fun? I can't help but think that if smacking around a woman was suggested, the response may be somewhat different... If you're somehow offended by the obvious sarcasm in my response, please file your grievances with the moderation team. Meanwhile, what "sagely" advice might you offer our poster (???)
NYCmitch25 Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 So you are at "that stage".. long term relationship, in the "love of your life", both far from each other attending College, he is everything to you.... It's so obvious where this is going that they even joke about it in the movies, It ranks up there with teenaged love. Long distance relationships almost never work. Others have given you the optomist's approach, I'm offering the realist's approach -- I suggest you end it imediately (or at least mentally end it) and attempt to find someone else at your College to date. Sounds harsh but the future of this relationship is statistically doomed. ps. He was right for being mad at you, you had no right reading his mail. For example I am proficient in computers enough to capture every single line of text my SO writes from another computer in the house but it's unethical and I won't do it..
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