jpone2 Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 My name is jay, right now I am going through some serious anger and hurting. I would really like some advice about this, I need it. I live with 2 roommates, we just moved into an apartment in September, we have all been best friends for about 6-7 years. Recently we have not been getting along, infact fighting all the time about something. The two 'friends' I live with have for some reason been ganging up against me and always giving me crap for one reason or another. They are depressing to be around. Sometimes I wonder why I am even friends with them. Well, there was a straw that broke the camels back 2 days ago. To make a long story short, I had a few friends over on Friday night, they didn’t leave until 3am, I tried my best to keep everyone quiet, and we were pretty quiet. The next day I look at my roommates away message and it says 'since when did this apartment turn into a f**k*ng walk through for gays all night'. Needless to say I was heated, Its my apartment too, I pay as much rent as they do, they do the same thing, I don’t get mad when they have friends over, so where the hell does he get off insinuating that I cant have friends over. Granted, I did think about the fact that he was mad that maybe we were too loud and he couldn’t sleep, so immediately after reading his message I sent him an email apologizing if we were too loud, I also expressed that I thought it was unfair that I get treated like this for having friends over in my own room, and that if we were too loud all he had to do was knock on my door and ask me to be quiet, I would have respected that and made sure that we were very quiet for the rest of the night. It wouldn’t have been a problem. I am very frustrated with the double standards, there have been countless times that the two of them have had people over very late, I never said a word. One of my roommates, we'll call him 'john' has been my best friend since I was 12 years old, we have gone through a lot together. He is the one who has left this message for me. (I hope this isn’t terribly confusing or boring but I really need some help with this!!!!!) So, I sent him this message explaining how I felt and that I didn’t appreciate the way he has been treating me lately, he barely gives me the time of day, treats me with no respect and teams up against me with the other roommate. I can’t figure out why he’s doing this, and when I ask him about it he says nothings wrong. So.....here’s the big part. Today I had to fly to Atlanta for business, after I landed, I went over my mom’s house to see her and just relax, so I open up my computer and start going through emails, looking at the weather and talking to friends, etc. Well, I look at “johns” away message and it says, "in Atlanta sucking d**k for heroin, call if you need me". Now, this just happened no more than 2 hours ago, I CAN NOT EVEN EXPLAIN HOW ANGRY, HURT, and betrayed I am. As soon as I saw it all these things came into my head, like how do I handle this, what should I do, should I say anything to him, what can I do to get revenge. Then I got to thinking that there is nothing I can say or do to make the situation any better (I think). I don't think I can live with this person anymore, I don't think I want to be friends with him anymore, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. All I know is I've never had these types of feelings before. I've never been so angry and so hurt. I freaked out, started hyperventilating, and I was a mess. I finally got myself to calm down a little bit, and realize that I am better than this and I am not going to do anything stupid to stoop to his level. I am a believer in karma, I believe if you are a good person, good things will happen to you. Well, this makes me wonder, I don't know what I did to deserve this, I know I didn’t do anything to deserve it, a "REAL" friend would never say anything like that, I know that. SOMEBODY, please help me with this and give me some advice, I need to know what to do, how to act, what to say/not say. I am a wreck right now, it feels like my life is tumbling down a hill, and everything I thought I had, I don’t. I’m begging, help me. If someone would be so kind to talk to me about this, because I don’t really have anyone else to talk to, either reply in this forum or email me [email protected] Thank you so much for at least letting me get this off my chest!!!!
Apathygrip Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 sometimes just geting it off your chest helps ..but sometimes you have to weigh how much you value your friends, I ahave been friends with my group for a similar amount of time but decided to look elsewere and not deal with what I thought of as unfair treatment. ....You got to look deep into yourself bro.
Outcast Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 You now have learned something that it's too bad you didn't think about before - NEVER live with friends. Living with other people is very difficult and even though you're friends it doesn't mean you are able to live together. Can you find another place?
Author jpone2 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 thanks for the help so far guys. as far as finding another place to live, thats a little complicated, the whole reason i moved there with them is because my job transfered me to another location in the state, this place is about 20 minutes from work, i used to live with my mom, where she lives is about an hour and 15 minutes away from work. i would love to get another place, but paying for it myself would be tough. i've talked to a few people so far about getting a roommate, hopefully something will work out, any idea how i should approch him, should i confront him about what hes done? should i completely ignore him and the situation?????
lindya Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 any idea how i should approch him, should i confront him about what hes done? should i completely ignore him and the situation?????[/i] I think if you do approach him, you need to feel very certain that you can retain your composure....which isn't always easy. What are the underlying issues here? You said that in a message they wrote since when did this apartment turn into a f**k*ng walk through for gays all night'. and the email message said in Atlanta sucking d**k for heroin, call if you need me". What's the background to that? Is sexuality a contentious issue in all of this?
Author jpone2 Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 Lindya, Thank you for helping me out with this. To answer your question, no, there is no abnormal sexuality involved wahtsoever with anyone here. It's basically him being him, it doesnt really mean anything realistically, just something to say to be mean and get me as hurt and pissed off as possible. He has always been like that, everything is, 'this is gay', 'that's gay', 'that kid's such a fag', etc. He uses the term gay, faggot, etc just to use it, not actually thinking someone is gay. I'm really fed up with this. I dont even think i can talk to him, even if im nice and try to reason it out with him, its not going to work because of the way he is, he's arrogant and stuckup, something happened within the last 6 monthes to a year, he has changed considerably in the last year, he wasnt always like this. I cant figure out for the life of me what it is either. When I used to try to talk to him about it he would play it off like nothings wrong and im crazy for thinking such a thing. I'm not the only one whos noticed this, other people he knows have said things to me also about the way he is, his attitude and demeanor. He has said some incredibly amazingly mean things to me in the past week, which i will never be able to forgive him for. I dont know what to do, I feel like i'm in a room with the walls coming at me.
lindya Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 He has said some incredibly amazingly mean things to me in the past week, which i will never be able to forgive him for. I dont know what to do, I feel like i'm in a room with the walls coming at me. Then you need to get away, you really do. Home should be a place of sanctuary, not somewhere you dread to go back to in the evening. Would any other friends put you up for the odd night here or there until you've found somewhere new to live? It's never fun to fall out with someone, but it's 100 times worse if it's someone you're sharing your living quarters with. Rather than trying to figure out what's wrong with this guy to make him behave like such a dick, I really think you should invest your time and energy into planning ways of spending as little time under the same roof as him as possible until you've got a new place.
Author jpone2 Posted December 9, 2005 Author Posted December 9, 2005 Yah, what you've said is also exactely what other people are telling me would be best. I am exploring my options as to where to live, i can put up with being there for now, very short term. But within the next week or so, I'm sure i could work something out. It's just to bad and very frustrating that he cant look at this with an open mind and look at it from the outside in. I consider myself to be a pretty easy person to get along with, easy going, as does everyone else. I have no problem getting along with anyone else. I guess what i'm trying to say is, why? I really cant believe someone would ruin a friendship over practically nothing. to a certain extent i feel bad for him because, the way he is acting is not normal, and really it's not him. Eventually, whether its days or years, maybe he'll realize how foolish hes being. In the meantime, I can't worry about that or his problems. I refuse to be treated like ****, nobody deserves it, no matter what happened. So, I thank you very much for your advice and value it. Have a wonderful Holiday!!
Recommended Posts