Just Visiting Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 It has been almost 3 months since the break-up. Over the weekend, I met someone who seems pretty nice, we exchanged info and talked for a bit. He is pretty interested and I decided to get to know him. It's strange that talking to this guy makes me even more lonely for my ex-bf. I emailed him the other day saying I understand why we broke up, and that I thank him because I wouldn't have learned the things I have about myself. He has kept me on his MSN but I took him off mine. I am realizing that I want to reconcile with him. However, he was the one who wanted space and it was hard to leave. Also, there are issues to consider if we do decide to make another go of it. But at the moment, I just miss him sooo much. He hasn't replied to my email and I am going to leave it at that. I don't want to be chasing him, it may make harder for me to recover. Is it normal to feel this way? Missing your ex even though you are trying to move on and date others? I wonder if he has/is experiencing this as well.
AltplanB Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Although its only been a month for me, im going through the same ****. What did you tell him in the email? Do you honestly think it could ever work again? I find the best thing to do is to write sincere letters to them and then not mail them. Just keep doing it when you get something you need to say. Eventually, you can go through all of them, cut out what you dont want, and make one letter. Then you decide if you want to send it. I just did that and i sent it to her. Im waiting for a reply. the stress is killing me!
Author Just Visiting Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 After I sent the first post, the grief has hit me hard. Meeting this guy has made me realize that it is time to let go of my ex and move on. And maybe my ex has met someone new, hence the reason why he hasn't contacted me. There are times when I am ready to let go, and there are times when I am kicking and screaming like a child...not wanting to. I guess it is a process I need to go through, before I am good and ready to move on.
seachange Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 After I sent the first post, the grief has hit me hard. Meeting this guy has made me realize that it is time to let go of my ex and move on. And maybe my ex has met someone new, hence the reason why he hasn't contacted me. There are times when I am ready to let go, and there are times when I am kicking and screaming like a child...not wanting to. I guess it is a process I need to go through, before I am good and ready to move on. Just wanted to say I know exactly what you mean. Broke up with the ex about 3 months ago...got asked out recently and it sent me into a tailspin of crying and denial, all over again (not in front of the guy, though ). I think it was because it suddenly made it real - we're not "on a break" or just not talking. It's over. Actually, I'm still trying to get my brain around it sometimes. But that definitely gave me a hard shove. :(
fomerlyniceguy Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 No one ever said you can't go out and have fun with someone else, even if you still have feelings for your ex. Enjoy the company but don't let it get serious or become a surrogate for the relationship you lost. Spending time with others allows you to appreciate their qualities without being singily focused on your ex's qualities. Look at as therapy(don't treat them like a therapist though). Balance alone time with a healthy dose of meeting new people and I promise the transition becomes much easier.
blackendangel13 Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Just wanted to say I am in the same boat. However I am sleeping with my ex and have been for 2 months. I want him back, I want to move on, I just don't know. I met a nice guy (on the way to my ex's house!) but am coming up with all these reasons not to like him. It sucks. All I can say is when you meet someone that truly interests you, you won't think about the ex. Before I went back to the ex, I met this awesome guy. We totally hit it off and I REALLY wanted to date him. But that is another story alltogether. Needless to say my feelings weren't reciprocated. Probably the reason the ex is back in the picture at all. Eitherway, in time you will meet someone who sweeps you off your feet again, but for now its natural to be confused and want the ex back. Its all about the confort you had with that person. We miss being held, holding them, talking to them everyday. Some of us wish that we immediately had the same intimacy level as our previous relationship so we try to accelerate the "courting" stage to get back the feeling of what it used to be. If it bothers you take this guy out with a group of friends. Tell him you are not ready to "date" yet but want to get to know him.
Author Just Visiting Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Just wanted to say I know exactly what you mean. Broke up with the ex about 3 months ago...got asked out recently and it sent me into a tailspin of crying and denial, all over again (not in front of the guy, though ). I think it was because it suddenly made it real - we're not "on a break" or just not talking. It's over. Actually, I'm still trying to get my brain around it sometimes. But that definitely gave me a hard shove. :( That's EXACTLY what I have been thinking and going through. This time last year, we were going out, excited about each other, etc. And I try not to think back, it is hard though. I find myself hoping to hear from him...ugh!! This time of year seems to bring out the worse. But I am glad that I am not the only person going through this grieving process.
Author Just Visiting Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 No one ever said you can't go out and have fun with someone else, even if you still have feelings for your ex. Enjoy the company but don't let it get serious or become a surrogate for the relationship you lost. Spending time with others allows you to appreciate their qualities without being singily focused on your ex's qualities. Look at as therapy(don't treat them like a therapist though). Balance alone time with a healthy dose of meeting new people and I promise the transition becomes much easier. Thanks formerlyniceguy...luckily this guy is a few hours away from where I live. So it will be a long distance thing. But yeah, it's difficult when I am still trying to get over my ex.
scobro Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 But yeah, it's difficult when I am still trying to get over my ex. Then really why bother in the first place????
seachange Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 That's EXACTLY what I have been thinking and going through. This time last year, we were going out, excited about each other, etc. Yep, we were too! Our "anniversary" would have been in November, so the idyllic honeymoon months were going on this time last year. So that's definitely taking its toll, in more ways than one. But I am glad that I am not the only person going through this grieving process. Well, ya know, I'm not actually so glad... No, but when I read your post, I thought - exactly. I've had a coffee date or two and it feels like my brain is sputtering in fits and starts. Sometimes I feel totally normal and myself and hopeful for the future and excited at the prospect of meeting someone new, and sometimes I just can't get out of the sad loop, comparing people unfairly to my ex and finding everyone wanting. After which I mope and/or sob for a while. Argh.
Author Just Visiting Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 Today, I had to finally tell the interested dude that I am not ready for a romantic relationship but can handle being friends. It took awhile for him to get it, but finally he did. I felt bad as it was an ego boost for me, at the same time I didn't want to lead him on. As much as I would like to, I don't see myself with anyone at the moment. I need to heal more.
Distracted Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 It really sucks that they can break our hearts, trouble our thoughts but they seemingly move on without consequence. My friends keep telling me not to dwell on my ex and to get out there and meet people. I have and I even said yes to going out on a couple dates and at various moments on these dates I did have fun and forget, but ultimately I ended up comparing them to my ex and missing him and what we shared. Do you think this sort of casual dating, assuming that I can stand to do it, slow down the healing process or speed it up? I really would like to move on.
blackendangel13 Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 To Just Visiting: I think you did the right thing letting the guy know how you feel. I am in the same boat right now too. The only thing is, even if the ex wasn't in the picture I don't think I'd like the guy anymore than I do now. He irks me somehow. Oh well. To Distracted: Everyone heals in their own way at their own speed. I know this type of advice sucks but its true. Some people benefit from going out and getting their mind off an ex, some do better being alone. Believe me though, if you don't look for it someone will come along that will help you forget a little bit if not completely. I remember my first crush after my ex. I was not expecting it and just bam... I never found the urge to compare him to the ex. It didn't work because the guy was a total sleeze but it did feel good for the moment. Just take some time to figure out whats best for you. If "dating" is too intense schedule group dates to take some of the pressure off.
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