underthesunmon Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Alright, so bout 2.5 months ago I met this girl in one of my classes. Although I knew she had a boy friend at another college I was determined to go out with her. So after some good "friend" time I asked her out on a date and she said yes. The date went unbelievable and we ended up hanging out that night until 5 am. Over the next few weeks as I continued pursuing her, she kept on giving me good signals so we went out a few more times. At this point we still had not kissed because I respected the fact that she wouldn’t cheat on her boyfriend. One of those following weekends she saw her boy friend and she decided to enter an open relationship with him. She told me that I was the reason she went into the open relationship and that he was against it. Although it seemed like she was clearly ready to dump him, I recently have had many doubts. The next weekend I decided to just go for it and kiss her and we ended up kissing all night. At that point we were taking full advantage of the open relationship, but no sex. During thanksgiving break I didn’t see her, but as soon as I saw her again we kissed and she said that she missed me. Also she told me for the first few days she couldn’t stop thinking about me while she was with her boy friend. Since turkey day we are in a sort of relationship. She describes it as being in two relationships and she can’t decide what she wants to do. She has told me that her boy friend is too predictable and boring, and that I am the opposite. Also she says that she loves her boyfriend of two years and he treats her really well, giving her no reason to break it off with him. It recently has gotten to the point where we kiss whenever we leave one another. I told her she had to let me know what she wanted by xmass break because I can’t honestly continue to do this. She said ok, but that she is going to loose someone either way that she really cares about. I really think this girl likes me a lot, but she is too scared to break up with her boyfriend and end that same old routine. But, I have 2 options.... I can either continue to play the college boyfriend and just hookup with her whenever her boyfriend isn’t visiting, thusly putting my feelings on the line...or I could just push for more or possibly loose everything. I really like this girl and I think she has great potential, but is it worth my feelings to continue to pursue her.
Vertex Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Personally I think it's bad that you willingly pursue her and kiss her despite the fact that her boyfriend was not ok with an open relationship. She wants to "have her cake and eat it too" -- the "loving relationship" of her boyfriend while supplementing the "boring" nature of that relationship by seeing you. You say that you respect her choice to not cheat, but is that not what she is doing, and are you not respecting their relationship? It all seems very sneaky, considering that I doubt the boyfriend knows about what you two do, and you act behind his back. You can't keep that up forever, and so at some point, preferably sooner than later, something will have to give. Think of it this way: you are with a girl that is willing to sneak around. Even if she breaks up with her boyfriend and goes with you, you now know that she is at least capable of sneaking around you as well. Either way there are going to be hurt feelings, because someone is going to be put out of the picture. At this point I would tell the girl that she has to make a final decision -- she can't have two people (however, as I do not discriminate against people with different relationship views; if her boyfriend is ok with an open relationship, then fine, go for it). But since the boyfriend is not ok, she will have to sacrifice one of you. It's very difficult to enter a triangle and not get hurt.
loony Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 She agrees to go out on a date with you even though she's in a relationship??? It's crappy to pursue a person who is in a relationship, but you can also bet that the person who decides to play along has just proven that she is not good relationship material. I guess, this is all that needs to be said on this topic. Oh, before I forget. Her suggestion to have an 'open relationship' with her boyfriend in my eyes makes her look like a big time whiner and egoist. If I were you, I'd get out of this situation as fast as possible.
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