cgm5 Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and things are great. We are both in our mid 20's and have a couple of big events coming up in the next year...1. his graduation party from college, 2. our wedding. In any event, before I met him he had a sexual relationship with one of his good friends. They would "hook-up" every couple of months or so. He also had another friend that he slept with years ago, it was just one of those random things. The problem is that I can't stand to see these two people without my stomach turning knowing that he has slept with them both. The good thing is that we rarely see them, maybe once or twice a year. When I do have to see them I'm very nice...I have no reason to not like them. They've never done anything to me, but the feelings are there just the same. I don't want either at my wedding...not that they aren't nice enough people, but I just don't want to see them on this very important day. I also don't care to invite them to his graduation party. I know it may be irrational, but its real to me just the same. I think a big part of my jealosy stems from my being a virgin when we met. I now know that sex isn't that big a deal, but I just can't get past the fact that he has shared really intimate experiences with those two people. I'm sure others have dealt with this type of situation and I'm curious to see how it was handled. Any thoughts would be very welcome!
Kenyth Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Ooooooh, that's a tough one. I can't say you're being completely reasonable on not inviting them, but at the same time, you're the bride. On this day especially, your wishes on this should be respected. Nothing that could tarnish your memory of this day should be there.
a4a Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Weigh what is more important with your soon to be spouse, sharing the day with his friends he previously had sex with or your feelings on the matter of having them at your wedding day? Some people take this in stride, others do not. What it boils down to is you and your SO talking about this openly, then coming to a decision about to invite them or not to invite them. Have you discussed this with him? a4a
blablabla Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 I don't think that you are being all that irrational. Most people don't have a relationship with or continue to see people that they have had random sex with. This situation is a little different because they were friends not just random people (I don't know which is better). How would he feel to have to see people that you have fooled around with? Probably not that great, but at the same time you don't want to make him give up friends. It really is a weird situation...I'd be curious to hear how other people in a similar situation went about it.
Cecelius Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 I don't think you are being unreasonable (unless you are whining about it to him). The graduation party is for him? Then I think his friends come. Don't make a big deal about it (and don't be jealous -- clearly he thought the old bag was just worth banging and not dating). The wedding? I agree with you on that one.
bab Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 I agree, while your feelings may be unfounded, it's your wedding day, and you should only have people there you are comfortable with. On the other hand, I do think you should invite them to the graduation party.
Author cgm5 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Thanks everyone...I've rethought the graduation party thing and do agree that those two friends should be there. I still don't want them around on my wedding though. Its so weird because it was just sex that they had...not love or anything more, but I just don't care to be around them. Its just strange to be around people that know your boyfriend in as intimate a way as those two do. Its jealousy, but I'm not ridiculous about it. One thing I should mention is that my bf and I are very open about EVERYTHING! This isn't something we fight about, I just know that he'll go along with not inviting them, but I guess I'm looking for reassurance that in my leaving them out I'm not being irrational!!!
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