LNY Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Hey, bitta background info... my ex broke up with me about 6-7 months ago saying she didn't want a boyfriend, wanted to concentrate on uni, etc, etc. (all bullcrap lies). About a month after that was my bday, and bday party. She didn't bother to even sms me on my bday, or make an appearance or anything at my party. We've been NC for about 5 months or so now, besides the occasional hello. I have been wanting to break NC but held off, because I still want to talk to her, in hopes of maybe sometime soon getting back with her. She did say when she broke up with me that she 'never wanted to lose contact with me', etc etc (probably bullcrap also). Well, the times have changed.. it's HER bday in a few days. (If shes having a party, my invite musta got lost in the mail haha), and I was wondering if it would be a good chance to break NC and the ice, by sending her a bday sms? Even if she doesn't reply, or has changed numbers, or deleted mine, or whatever.. I thought maybe it'd be a nice thing to do.. even though she did me no favors, and has been a total bitch since! Thoughts..
omegaRED Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 No use. It`s up to her to initiate contact, if she really wants to. If she does, she`ll find a way to do it. My advice, therefore, is to ignore her and continue with NC.
patwheel Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 F**k that. My ex broke up with me 1 week before my bday. Same as yours, nothing, not a word, blah blah blah... Got the whole I want to be friends, I dont want to lose contact blah blah blah. Well you know what, bullsh*t. It only has been a month or so, but NC ever since. Dont contact her, what's the use? Except if you have REALLY moved on, meaning you have someone else, you are just wishing her a happy bday because you are a nice person, not because you wish her back romantically. But in the end, dude, she broke up with you man! If she wanted anything to do with you, she would have called just like omega said, right?
Clevelandfan Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Why don't you get her a gift while you are at it,...uh oh,..I sound like westernxer now! whoops, sorry to take you thunder WX. Seriously, DO NOT CALL,..she would love that ego boost and it will just drive her away further if you think she will wake up and come back someday. If you don't contact her,she will wonder why, I'm sure. If she doesn't then you are better off anyway. Good luck.
RainyDayWoman Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 it doesn't sound like the two of you even know each other anymore. i don't know why people think birthdays are so uber-special that exes simply have to recognized. i think i'll call all of my exes on groundhog day. then i'll berate them for not calling me first on such a special day. sorry. i say it's time to get over it and move on. don't use her birthday as a way for you to conveniently make sure she's reminded of you. she knows where you are, if she wanted to find you, she would have by now.
gfto Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Let me get this straight......... She dumped you. She didn't acknowledge your birthday. You're thinking about SMSing her a happy birthday wish. Dude, the reason she didn't send you any kind of birthday wish is that she couldn't care less about you. Delete all her contact information and forget about her.
Author LNY Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 Yeah, I guess you guys are right. gfto, wouldn't matter if I deleted her contact info, I know it all off by heart, and believe me, it's easier said than done trying to forget her. I wish I COULD forget about her, every time I try it just comes back. I guess I was just trying to cling onto anything I could really, in spite of hopeful thinking about her coming back one day, when I know it's not the case. I suppose she's the one that broke it off, she's the one that needs to make first initial contact if she wants to, right?
gfto Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 I guess I was just trying to cling onto anything I could really You hit the nail on the head. You realize that she simply isn't interested in you anymore, but you're grasping at straws. I've done the same thing. The key is to not fight reality. It's over. Sure, she might contact you at some point. Even if she does, I wouldn't go back if I were you. You'd be better off getting with a new girl than to go back to someone who will just dump you again. Good luck!
J dub Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Patwheel made an excellent point that I wanted to highlight: The only reason you want to wish her a happy bday is to use that as an excuse to contact her and "remind" her of your presence. Never, ever do X to get someone else to do Y. It doesnt work. You only control what YOU do, and you are absolutely right: she will contact you if she wants to. In the meantime, focus on getting yourself back on your feet. As for the whole "why acknowledge a bday" question Rainyday asked: I dont know the answer to that, and I fell victim of the very same thing (wanted to wish the ex a happy one). LAME, is what it is
ReluctantRomeo Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 If you don't contact her,she will wonder why, I'm sure. Yup. I've found this a couple of times now. Since I'm pretty considerate as a general rule, NOT calling on a birthday or sending a card seems to grab the ex's attention. Then THEY initiate contact...
RainyDayWoman Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Patwheel made an excellent point that I wanted to highlight: The only reason you want to wish her a happy bday is to use that as an excuse to contact her and "remind" her of your presence. i thought that was me....not that it really matters. but it happens a lot.
Author LNY Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 Yup. I've found this a couple of times now. Since I'm pretty considerate as a general rule, NOT calling on a birthday or sending a card seems to grab the ex's attention. Then THEY initiate contact... Well, when she didn't acknowledge my birthday, it got me wondering, and a little upset.
J dub Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 i thought that was me....not that it really matters. but it happens a lot. Youre right you did say something very similar but it was indeed patwheel who said, Except if you have REALLY moved on, meaning you have someone else, you are just wishing her a happy bday because you are a nice person, not because you wish her back romantically. ..that I was referring to. Sorry for any misunderstanding.
J dub Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Well, when she didn't acknowledge my birthday, it got me wondering, and a little upset. For the record: (and not that I would suggest thinking too far into this however I wanted to mention) My ex came back to me the day after his bday -- he was hurt because I didnt acknowledge it. There were other factors, obviously, but not calling spoke volumes louder than anything I ever possibly could have planned saying to him.
Author LNY Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 Thanks for the insight. Out of curiosity, how long had you been apart when you didn't acknowledge his birthday?
RainyDayWoman Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Youre right you did say something very similar but it was indeed patwheel who said, ..that I was referring to. Sorry for any misunderstanding. hahahaha, it's not a big deal....it was just that you quoted the word "remind", and the point you made was almost exactly what i said... honestly, it doesn't matter. i was only making a point....it really does happen a lot and sometimes i'm like wait....i said that!!! no need to apologize.
meltwithme Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 I'm planning on giving my phone to a roomie and telling him no matter what I say, not to give it back to me until tomorrow when her bday comes around.
RainyDayWoman Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 I'm planning on giving my phone to a roomie and telling him no matter what I say, not to give it back to me until tomorrow when her bday comes around. is there a reason you have two different names?
meltwithme Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 Two names? Not sure what your saying but I'm not 'LNY' if that is what you were asking.
Author LNY Posted December 10, 2005 Author Posted December 10, 2005 Well now I'm just confused.. Her bday was the 9th, and after reading everyone's comments in this thread, I didn't acknowledge it. Tonight (the 10th) I went to a local night club, and she was there, celebrating her bday. When I first seen her she walked past me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said Hi, and kept walking. The second time I seen her she came up to me and said Hi again, and gave me a big hug, and was reluctant to let go. She reminded me that it was her birthday, as if hinting for me to say happy bday.. so I was put on the spot and kinda had to. Then she said "look, lets just be friends ok?", I didn't know what to say, I just blurted out "ok". She then gave me another hug and didn't let go, another kiss on the cheek, and walked off. Now I'm ****in confused.. after NC for 5-6 months, she comes out with "look, let's just be friends". Now I don't know what to think.. Why was she hugging me like that, and telling me she wanted to be friends? I don't know what to make out of it. Why after 7-8 months of being broken up, and 5-6 months of NC does she suddenly want to be friends? And why was she reminding me of her birthday? To make SURE I gave her my wishes? Grrrrrr, I ****in hate this. I don't know what to make of it all. Someone help me please!
patwheel Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 It doesn't matter if you acknowledged her birthday or not, you just happened to be there when she was celebrating it. I guess in her mind, it's like, well the guy is now over the anger and romantic phase, and now we can be just friends. Especially on the night on her birthday, it's not like she would want to waste her birthday over seeing you. Dont look too much into it, she probably just wanted to have a good time, and she did! You handled it properly, calm and dignity and thats all that matters. Sometimes when you overanalyze other's actions, you'll tend to think that everything is acted negatively towards you. But hey, you survived the meet up with the ex after that long of NC! You should be proud of yourself and just celebrate that! Don't be so hard on yourself! Be happy that you were there, acted like an adult, and just made her happy probably. Be glad that you didnt freeze or run out the door
wendel1 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 She is just stringing you along...and she likes to know that she has you by the balls.... Friends give hugs and kiss each other on the cheek....there was nothing in that. She just wants to be friends...if you are fine with that then its upto you..but In my situation being friends with my ex (who I desperately wanted back) turned into more heartbreak (especially when the new boyfriend turned up)...so Ive being doing NC... I suggest you keep doing NC
Author LNY Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 wendel1, I know.. but the hug she gave me was more of a 'i miss you/havn't seen you for ages' type hug. It was tight, and she didn't let go for about 10 seconds, and was still reluctant then.. and then gave me another the same. patwheel, thanks for the encouragement. I guess it's a bit of a weight off my shoulders in any case though.. because for months I've had this mentality that she hates me for some reason. I kept thinking to myself for months on end.. what the hell did I do to make her hate me? I'd done nothing wrong by her. Atleast that is at ease now, and I know she doesn't hate me. I guess it doesn't change anything really. I still want her back, but that's not going to happen. I'll continue with NC I think, if I bump into her, I'll converse if she wants to, and be polite.. but I think that's as far as our friendship will extentuate. In one way to think, she's made the first move in speaking to me, and breaking NC, what that means.. I don't know, I'm not getting any hopes up, beacause it probably doesn't mean anything.
gfto Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 wendel1 is absolutely right. This incident didn't mean anything at all. She's just surprised that you haven't contacted her for 5 or 6 months, which probably tweaked her ego. She spotted you at this club, and decided to do something silly like the long hug, just to see if you'll come chasing after her again. Don't do it. You'll end up with egg on your face.
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