Jules3 Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Hi lady’s, I am new here, but I have much of the same story. I have read most of the true life events here and have spent my whole weekend trying to figure out my own. I don’t feel my situation is any different or special other than my MM followed me around for 8 yrs 5 of which I was married. Nothing sexual was going on he just liked to talk to me, check on me, and see how I was doing. I always blew this man off and pushed him away, I was never interested. Then came my divorce, I loved my husband but knew I had to leave him. So now I was own my own licking my wounds. So for the next 3 yrs I never dated or had sex, My MM knew this and was at my door more often, coming by to watch TV, rub my back, helping me around the house with the man things, talking about life, riding around in his jeep and having a few beers looking up at the stars, so little by little I new more of him and found myself admiring him then in my human weakness I gave way and we began having sex. We totally connected in ways I never thought possible. I opened my heart to this man, and told him I felt I loved him ,and I don’t feel I would have arrived so deeply at this level, if I had not been given some indications from him that there was a possibility for us. During one of his let me lean on your shoulder moments (before we had sex) he said he would leave his wife but it would be easier if someone was there (I think that was me) I don’t know for sure we were not having sex at this point, I was still trying to be careful and just being a friend. there was some time that had passed, we became closer as friends and this is when we became intimate. We had to plans to be together one night and he had to cancel out at the last minute, I was a little upset... and he told me he was ready to tell his wife, I told him not too until he knew for sure this is what he wanted. from that point the sex was very intense, it seemed we were two people with such deep desire to be together, we connected in ways that left me totally adoring this man. I began telling him I would wait for him so he could be in his marriage until his 14 yr old and 17 yr old finished school due to this being the only reason he is at home. It seemed that at our highest high when things were going good... he ran... leaving me a broken vessel, even though he gave me mixed messages with his home life. there’s hardly any more phone calls, very little visits, just a...please give me time. I feel I held this man off trying to do the right thing for such a long time, trying to hold onto myself not having sex and in my human weakness that we all have, I fell, now I am stripped of my dignity, I am stripped of a gift I was trying to hold onto. So now I am empty handed and hurt from a man who followed me around for a decade then run, why would a man persist for this length of time then back off. it makes no sense, he was the one who knocked on my door for years, with me holding him back. I am very angry at this. He still says he has a lot of feelings for me, but the effort is just a drop in the bucket. can anyone shed some light here? Lady’s one more thing...we all fall short...we all sin...Gods greatest man David had an affair with Bathsheeba...God forgave David and still loved him. If any of you have never sinned and fallen short...then go ahead and cast your stones...but just to let you know...my heart is already bleeding. I say this because i have herd about the stone throwing here, I am new, I need help not ridicule.
nextel Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Sorry to hear that he has acted like this after you gave him way. I know you are hurting. I think that with your situation, you have to take a moment and think of it like a relationship with a man and not a married man. Anytime a woman gives up her power (sex), the power shifts to the man. This is what has happened in your situation. Either you are just hurt or you want to be with him or both. If its both, then were you went wrong was giving him leeway. Anytime a man says something that you want, put him to the challenge. When he stated that he wanted to tell his wife, I believe that you should have challenged him to do so. There is a huge chance that, that was just talk. He probably never had any intentions of doing so. Another problem is that you told him that you would wait until his 2 children were finished with school. Never let a man know that you will wait on him. Its generally a bad idea to do so, because this is what makes then stupid. When a man knows that a woman is crazy about him, he becomes stupid and even inconsiderate. SO, HOW DO YOU FIX THIS? I dont know if there is any remedy for sure. Generally, men that have never been married will react to a woman that is nonchalant about their existence, but I dont know if the same would apply to married men. Single men want something that is hard to get, but I dont know if this would work in your situation. What i can suggest is this.....do not contact him anymore. I know that it will be hard, but I would suggest you find another way to get rid of the emptiness, be it sports or hanging out with the girls. Secondly, when he does contact you, I would suggest you be blunt about things. Ask him what he wants. If he says that he is calling to find out how you are, you ask what for? The bottomline is that you want to be in a position were things work for you. Do not have sex with him until he starts to act the way you want him too and even then it must be for a long period of time. Get him to do all the things you want him to do first. But whatever you do, do not contact him in any shape or form: this will make him want to be an important person in your life. Good luck to you.
newbby Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 phew! 8 years. i know mm are persistent.... I think nextel has made some good points about men and their nature. it is so unfair sometimes, but it is the way they are. i dont know if at this point you can undo the damage. quite probably not. it is something that has to be accepted, and just learnt from, for the next relationship. we all fall when we are vulnerable and unfortunately with the fall comes an even greater vulnerability. go total nc, it is the only way. i'm sorry you are in pain, i know how it feels. much strength to you.
Author Jules3 Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 thanks nextel you made some very good points here, yes... this is going to be very hard but i know i have to turn and run just as he did. you lady's are so great, i have enjoyed this sight. this actually has kept me from calling him at my week moments.
nextel Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Be strong. It might take a month, a year or even 8 years before he contacts you, but you have to be the strong one. Why not find you a man to waste sometime with until whatever you want comes along. Just preoccupy yourself.
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