julianne_84 Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 I'm new here and I thought I could get some advice from more experienced people. I'm 21 yrs. old and have been hooking up with MM. So far we've kissed and have had oral sex but I see it going further. I really do feel bad not only for his wife and their 6 month old baby, but also for me as I think it'd be very degrading for me to become the OW, but I just can't help it. I am incredibly attracted to him and to be honest, and I know it may sound horrible, but to me it has become also an ego thing. Just the thought of being able to get any guy I want, married or single, makes me want to keep going with this even more. His wife is a very succesful woman and makes about 5 times what he makes (and he makes good money) and I wolud like to one day be as succesful as she is, I'm starting to think I'm kind of jealous of that! so in a way me sleeping with her husband would be like saying "ok I may not be as succesful as you and I may not have the perfect career but there's one thing you have that wants ME...your husband!" I know it sounds terrible but that's really how I feel. I am hot for him and I have to admit that if he wasn't married I probably wouldn't be as excited about the whole thing as I am now. Please I need advice know I shouldn't keep going with this but I don't know what would stop me from doing it.
JayKay Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 You really don't need any advice other than "Stop believing you have absolutely no control over this situation!" I appreciate how honestly you've expressed your feelings. I'm sure some here will slam you for your lack of morals, etc. But truly, that's how you feel and you seem to want some genuine input. Your issue seems to be with a lack of responsibility. "I can't help it" and "I don't know what would stop me from doing it" You would like to assign control to some 'larger' and ambiguous force that renders you helpless in the face of this situation. Rather than face the humdrum, boring fact that you....yes you....could end this right now and ergh...have to face the fact that something in your life is making you feel bored, empty or insecure and needs fixing. Because really.....isn't this just the jolt of excitement you needed? To be 'special' enough that a married man (who's married to a highly successful woman to boot!) actually wants you! You must crave the feelings this affair provides you. He sounds like a 'trophy' guy, in truth. You are using him to feel 'special' enough, 'loved' enough, 'smart' and 'clever' enough.... A little reality check; lots of men cheat on their wives. It doesn't take a particularly 'special' woman to do it with. In fact, a lot of men (once caught) will tell their wives how meaningless the affair really was. They will paint you as easy, dumb and air-headed. I'd spend some time reading through the Other Woman/Other Man forums and look at the pain and needless suffering a lot of these people put themselves through.
JayKay Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Oh, and just also be mindful that "Getting" a man to have sex with you doesn't mean much. "Getting" someone to respect you actually is much harder, and much much more valuable. Successful women are good at getting people to respect them.
Owl Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Please I need advice know I shouldn't keep going with this but I don't know what would stop me from doing it. This is amazingly simple. Tell his wife what is going on...be honest, be up front, answer all of her questions. Do so with him on speaker phone right next to his wife. Do NOT do this in person, because there is no way to truly predict how his wife would react. Tell her you're sorry for what you've done, and you want to end it now. Tell him to never contact you again, or you'll tell his wife. Do it NOW. And that will end this silliness once and for all.
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Good advice by Owl... I'm going to add this in. I really don't think you're inlove with him. You love the way he makes you feel. And because of that, the attraction between you two, is what is making it so hard to walk away. He is getting what he needs from you just as you are getting something from him. Go read about the OW/OM forum and see the pain some OW have gone through. I really don't think you want that in your life! Be strong, and as much as it will hurt you, end it now. Not only for his family's sake, your own sanity and peace of mind. Right now it's early on and you're not so attached...Would you rather have some hurt now or a HUGE hurt 6 months from now?
Grinning Maniac Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 You're aiming reallly really low. It's not hard to get into the sack with a guy if he really wants to get laid. Just because you're blowing a married guy doesn't mean that you're some supreme goddess of sexuality and guys are spontaneously orgasming as you walk down the street. All it means is that you're sucking the dick of some guy who doesn't mind cheating on his wife. Big accomplishment. He's not thinking: "She's a goddess..." He's thinking: "Easy poontang for me. Score!" PS: Boy do we have women tricked or what? I couldn't think of a psych-out that good if I had a gun to my head. "Hey baby...just suck my dick and you'll be the sexiest thing on two legs. I promise." Golden.
michaelk Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Please I need advice know I shouldn't keep going with this but I don't know what would stop me from doing it. You already know why you are doing it. You already know that you shouldn't be doing it. So what is your question? How to stop? Just do it. First, get over yourself. You're not better than his wife just because he wants to f*** you! After all, he's got a baby with his wife, which makes her rate way higher in his life than you do - trust me. You're just an outlet for his sexual frustrations. Now call him and tell him you're not going to see him anymore. Make a clean break. And that's it. I would definitely leave the wife out of this, though. Bring her in on what's happening and no one's going to come out okay.
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