oneunsurelady Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Hi all my name is mel....... welll this is going to be one long story but its the only way you guys may be able to help with my situation, so here it goes.... 1998-2005 my mother was with this guy... the temporarly broke up and he moved to british columbia and so my mom came right behind him thinking he was a changed man.... they where living in a camper on a campground and everything was all good untill he decided he didnt want to be togather and not only did he not want to be togather he pulled the camper on my mother and left her there sitting on a bench with nothin but her clothes on her back.... it was horrible..... and again a few months later what does she do she goes back to him.... and once again he leaves her and makes it so hard for us and impossible to live in our own home by having ppl watch us on a contiuance bases thinking we didnt notice.... that we moved out.... she finally ends up leaving getting away from him and living her own life untill once more he comes back into her life and everything is fine... but to later find out that he was sleeping around on her but not only that but with his bestfriends wife... and thats who he finally left her for.... my mom was so devistated after all this time thinking it was going to work i never did understand why she thought that but i guess thats what love does.... now all she does is talk about him and how she wants to get revange on this girl who was once her friend and now her ex-boyfriends girl... she talks about him constantly and i swear shes going to loose it.. its been over a year now and she still talks like it was yesterday that all this happend and as if things are going to work between him shes very lonley and depressed and i feel for her i really do i love her with all my heart and soul and want to see her happy,,, but ive been supportive through all of this even tho i know she put herself in these situations accept the cheating but now i just dont know what to do anymore i tried helping her accept what has happend and try to help her move on but i cant do it anymore she wont move on its like shes refusing or something or indeniel i hope im not sounding heartless cause thats not intentional i just not sure how to deal with her or this situation im hurting to over all this and i do miss him and still think about him but ive brought myself to the understanding that he will never be apart of my life again... HELP!!!!! can anyone suggest how i can go about still helping her without loosing my mind at the same time?
westernxer Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 You can't help those who refuse to help themselves. Hopefully your mother will come to her senses, before she does something stupid. My friend's mother still mentions her ex-husband from time to time, something she's been doing for years. It finally dawned on me that she wasn't over him. And she probably never will be.
NYCmitch25 Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Hello Mel, First off, can you be open with her about these types of things? Honestly, things aren't going to change until she makes attempts to do so herself (as siad by Westernxer). It seems this guy is a real jerk who likes to leave things "unfinished" so she can never get over him. Not only that, he seeks out ppl like your mother to take advantage of. She needs to realize that in some capacity that he is a real problem, not only that she needs to realize that she should move on for her own good. It must be hard to see this happening to someone you care about, not only that, it's your mother. Hang in there buddy, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I've never had to deal with this, or anything like it, I guess you can keep that in mind when I comment on it. It seems that you've got to get it though to her that he isn't right for her, and that she needs to let him go for good. Easier things to do is throw out everything that reminds her of him, stop talking about him, pick up some hobbies, perhaps get a pet, eventually get on Internet and talk about her relationship and seek new people to talk to, and aviod a silent environment (turn on tv, talk radio, etc.). She needs to really put things in perspective, telling her that love could happen for her again and not only that but with someone who will respect her. It's better to be alone than in a bad relationship! Also that at least she has a place to live and food to eat and her health opposed to say millions in the 3rd world who are just waiting for death in a life full of extreme suffering. Tell her she has you, and that you are willing to help, and do so, and keep her from dwelling on the past. If these things won't break her from her obsession over this, I would see if you can seek counciling or other outside help. Good luck!
Author oneunsurelady Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 welll NYC ive tried everything u had said in ur reply i have tried being honest with her but she just gets mad and upset... she wont try and move on because she feels that no man or ppl in general will like her in anyway she has a poor asteem and i dont think she will ever have an asteem shes not the person i once new... the thing is this has happend on one or more occasions and not understand why she cant understand that it was a cycle everytime... im to the point where i just dont want to help anymore... this sounds mean but seriously if u where in my shoes u would understand everytime she has left this guy ive supported her in many way emotionaly, physically,mentally,fianchily, and everytime ive helped her shes gone back and put herself into the same situation she just wont listen to me and ive tried telling her sweet revange can be sweet but it can come back to haunt u in the end and second off bothering them just isent going to solve anything its just going to cause trouble.... and makes things worse... i have onther question to.... other then all this bad stuff that he has done in our lifes there was good things to... i did look at him as a father figure and he has been in my life for years... even tho im hurt and upset over all this and i have moved on but i cant hold against him that he is happy with someone else even tho it wasent the way he went about dealing with it wasent the right... and hurt us but deep down in my heart i really do want to still see him and have something to do with him... i have a little girl shes 8 months and he has seen her before but i havent made much contact with him due to having respect for my mother and her feelings... but at same time what about mine? and what i think about all this? is it wrong of me to see him.... i know ill never be able to forgive him for what he has done but i just cant stop thinking about all the family times we have had and miss those days... what do u think i should do?
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