xtuly Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 I don't ever use forums or even tell people I know what is going on inside, but after what happened to me, I suddenly have nothing and am reaching now for anything. I met my girlfriend in 2001, we were doing community service at the same place, an organization called worldcare - http://www.worldcare.org (awesome place). I was handling all the computer donations, eventually was their computer 'guy' (yes I'm a hardcore nerd) She had been doing CS (community servce) there for awhile and we started just talking in the mornings about nothing... One day she comes up behind me, gives me a hug, I hug her back and we started looking at each other as more that just another person.. like hey this person is cool, alot like me, etc ,etc.... So whirlwind romance, things are great, we're skirting getting thrown back in jail just to see each other... but its all worth it. after about a year or two, I'm off probation, she gets off probation, I've moved into her apt. things cool a bit, we started doing meth, things went to hell, I leave her ... we talk see each other, but I'm not there. after a few (6 ?) months of that, we get back together... bury the past, we love each other.. etc. things are great. we start doing things again (when you're addicted to meth, at least in our case, we never even left the house, social life was NIL, we were playing eq (everquest) or asleep) We're trying to put our life back together... a year or so more, I get back into meth ($%#$%$# damnit stupid) she is SO mad, I wish I would've listened/stopped. So then she picks it up again, things slowly go to hell again. I come home one day (11/21/05 or 11/22/05) and her computer and phone is gone. won't talk to me, ignores my calls , blocks me in IM... I freak out , she misses work one day (we worked at the same place) so I call the supe on duty, 'is she DEAD, alive what (shes not talked to me remember) cause I finally got a call to her 6am that day, she promised to call and talk to me after work. the supe finally gets her on the phone 'ok shes not dead, she said she will callyou' . I wait and wait, 9-10p I call her she says ''oh crap I forgot call you once this is done' .... hours go by, I call/IM and again she says ' oh crap, after THIS' ... I stay up all night long, not a call.... then she gets fired from work (I guess to get away from me, I dunno, she won't tell me ) all her stuff is here, she won't come get it, lol, won't even talk to me... she said I was sucking her life away, she had to get free, she wasted five years, etc. I have five years gone also , all I can do is sob in bed, almost lost MY job cause I can't focus.... I know this all happened the way it did due to drugs.... I'm cleaning up... guess she has to also (I called our dealer he talked to her but she had no money).... I'm rambling now... my heart is broken, my life is shattered, I wasn't the model of the perfect boyfriend, but I can't even say goodbye, if she was dead at laest I could weep at her grave, I don't even have that... its so hard.... I'm so sick of crying
In Sync Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 xtuly Your problem is not losing your girlfriend, they are much more serious than that. I suggest you focus on overcoming your drug addiction and taking one day at a time. As for your girlfriend, leave her alone so she can recover and recapture her life, hopefully without drugs involved. You write "my life is shattered", well start picking up the pieces and rebuild it again. Yes it will be hell to do it, but it beats doing nothing. P.S. Your girlfriend is not going to rescue you out of this...I don't know what your religious belief are but checking in on the spiritual homefront may be where you need to turn to.
Author xtuly Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 Thank you, you are right, thats what other people have told me also... its just hard , lol, oh well... if it doesn't kill me... right? I WILL get help for myself, thank you
In Sync Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 I hope you really do work on yourself. Remember NC no contacting your girlfriend. In both your cases it would be self desrtructive and also your contacting her would be rather selfish. Especially if she is trying to get away from anything/anyone who was part of her "drug environment." You are only serving to remind her of it. So focus now on you and becoming healtheir in body and soul.
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