westernxer Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 too nice meaning......always asking if I need anything(like every 5 minutes). CAlling me 5 times a day to ask me how I am and emailing me at work asking how lunch was, how my day is going, etc....maybe obsessive is more the word. Definitely overbearing, if you ask me. No wonder you don't like him.
Jackie Burkhart Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 I should have posted about this a long time ago. The issue at hand seems to be in the definition of 'nice'. Many people who are undesireable in one way or another are placed erroneously in the 'nice' category. It wouldn't suprise me if many of these people fall in the passive-aggressive a**h*** spectrum.
mememememe Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 I met a guy a few months ago and we began dating. At first, I was extremely attracted to him and what I thought was his confidence. Slowly, I realized how clingy and needy he was. The third time we hung out, we went somewhere and when I picked him up he was like, "I didn't even give you your kiss yet..." This was the THIRD date, if you will. After that, he told me how he couldn't eat all that day because we were going out together. It only got worse; he was sooooooooo "nice" and all I began to feel was guilt. A couple of months later I found out he totally invaded my privacy by hacking into my email. This is not "nice", it's obsessive. I felt so BAD but I cut things off. I then made the mistake of relapsing and feeling bad for him. I have been seeing him, but now I'm not being fair, I only see him on my time. I know it's bad it's rare we hang out...and it will end shortly. I guess besides my issues, my point is that nice people can be attractive if they have or know their boundaries. People pleasing is not necessarily an attractive trait. And calling someone like 5 times a day isn't, either, which is where we were after like 3 weeks of dating. I seem to meet a lot of men who go buck-wild calling and people pleasing....and they all SEEM normal at first. This IS better than the last 4 AHOLES I dated though, I must admit. I think God is giving me a chance to see how I will act when the shoes are reversed...and I know I will treat these "nice" and weak men better than the AHOLE treated me when I wasn't 100%.
Author smile95 Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 maybe my first clue should have been him wanting to see me 4 times in the first week we met! I guess it is better that it has only been a month and not longer.
slubberdegullion Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 maybe my first clue should have been him wanting to see me 4 times in the first week we met! Uh, yea, could be. BTW... what happened to your avatar? That was a nice pic of you!
Author smile95 Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 I have no clue??? I am not great with computers and I cannot seem to save it??? It appears and then I go into the profile and it is gone??? Let me try agian?
mememememe Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 trust me, i am trying to kick my old bad habit to the curb -- this guy!! -- because i keep feeling BAD for him. i'm a mess for ever letting him back into my life after he invaded my entrie internet history, including my posts on here!!!! he will probably hack back into my life because of this post! just get rid of him. people who act like that are seriously missing links. your situation sounds EXACTLY LIKE MINE. so overbearingly nice that it's almost hard to resist, right?? my problem guy has done everything for me...so much so that it's hard to ignore, especially when he wants to see me so badly. now everytime i hear form him, i just feel insanely guilty. probably because i have used him for late night booty calls, which is just disgusting and low, i know. things will only get worse and you will only feel guiltier. and, he may actually start to stalk you. my guy is a really soft, caring guy....but he stalked me online and that is weird. it took him hours to do. he is obsessed and his whole life depends on whether or not i will call him or give him attention. these people are sad because they are truly lost souls, waiting for some light, direction, energy, guidance, whatever. and the only way for them to get it is to endlessly people please.
Author smile95 Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 I woke up with no call rom him after asking for a friend sinc thursday and made up my mind I am done. I really am. This is not something I can forgive. He always comes back and is nice and sweet and had this not happened to me, I would n t be so upset, but he is all about him. He does not care that I need him, nor is he there for me and that speaks volumes. I HAVE to move on. I do love him and he "says" he love sme, but this is what proves to me that he does not. It kills me to let go of hopes and dreams, but I needed him and he is not here. He never will be. He will never change. I am going to be with my family(the people who truly love me). I am kinda in shock. He always tries to act so sweet to me. Thanks
Milo Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Look. What you have just described is not 'nice'. It's 'needy'. It's 'clingy'. It's 'self-abnegating' maybe. It's not NICE. Nice is not the same as 'being a needy , clingy doormat'.! Agreed, Outcast. My friends and I knew this guy who did that to the women he wanted to date, fawning over them practically. One by one these women got the drift and disappeared. He was definitely clingy...and whiny for that matter.
katiebour Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Be honest with him. The sooner you are, the sooner both of you can move on and find someone that you REALLY like. You don't feel the chemistry and excitement you need, and he is operating under the mistaken belief that you are into him. Tell him the truth, because if he is a nice guy, then he deserves better than a girl who doesn't really like him "that way." And you deserve to find an exciting, loving, fulfilling relationship! I am with a great guy, nice, sexy, exciting, all that and a bag of chips! They do exist! So don't settle for less than what you need. Good luck!
monkey00 Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Slowly, I realized how clingy and needy he was. The third time we hung out, we went somewhere and when I picked him up he was like, "I didn't even give you your kiss yet..." This was the THIRD date, if you will. I always thought it was normal to kiss somoene on the first date...3 dates for a kiss isnt moving fast at all...it's slow! But anyway he shouldnt have said that, he shouldve went for it. As for the nice guy thing...that dude is just clingy and insecure. It's possible to meet a good guy who's got his life together and doesnt NEED a woman to keep it going. It's called being a man and knowing went to be a gentleman. Those nice guys that end up being clingy and doing favors all have hidden agendas. They think that by secretly doing nice things they will get a gf or sex, little do they know by doing it , it will only backfire.
ms_jnj Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Women will think your a pig if you say "would you like to come over to my place for some penis" and now they don't find you attractive when you are nice.Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez i give up. Oh Ahahahahahahahah! Thank you for making my day. The mental picture of a guy opening the door for a woman after dinner and then saying "would you like to come over to my place for some penis?" That is hilarious. Not "lovin'" not "romance" not even "let's shag'" but:"come over...for some penis." Ah man, that's awesome. Although I don't think that approach would get the ladies. Back to the topic... I have to admit that those guys with the untamed streak are just as sexy as hell. I dated one but I could only do it for two months, he turned me on like none other but when it came down to the details that make a relationship work..nah. For the reccord I really like nice guys too ---they turn me on in a whole different way. More like that -- you've got my back, you're mine and I'm yours, what-a-powerful-duo-we-make, intimate kind of way. A lasting way that makes for a really awesome relationship.
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