Greg25 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 While I believe we should accept the consequences of our actions, to have a Calvinistic sense of guilt over what we did wrong, can make things worse (you are being tempted to example to conceal the event from your friend). I would say I wouldn't cheat on my partner or wife, especially not with her best friend. No doubt there are some details of the incident you are leaving out, but a man doesn't just 'accidently' drop his sausage out of his pants and 'accidently' get a blow job. I tend to feel the weight falls more on him in this case because he tricked another woman into cheating with him, and he is after all, your friend's partner. I think it is the right thing to do to tell your friend what happened. I know this may well destroy your friendship, but there is something besides that you need to consider. If your friend's partner has cheated with you, in all probability he has done so before with other women (I doubt you are the first) and he will do so again if your friend doesn't find out. You may avoid some pain in the short term by hiding what happened, but in the longer term, you are being more dishonest and unfaithful as a friend by letting her be stuck with a man who cheats on her. She deserves the truth. He cheated on her, and he has to be brought to account for his actions. You made one foolish mistake and you can't change that. The best thing you can do now is make sure you don't make the same mistake again in the future.
Michael86 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 thanks guys. If I do decide to hell, obviously the first thing shes gonna as is "why?". I am really not sure what to tell her. I dont think people saying "sorry" upon that question being asked ever works. I don'tknow what to tell her the very first time she asks me why. It's a real hard situation to be in. I think you need to look within yourself and find out "why." This didn't just happen for no reason at all. Were you attracted to this scumbag? Did you once think of your friend while you were giving him a blowjob? Because if you did, it obviously didn't stop you. I feel horrible for this friend of yours. I think she deserves to know what happened, as much as it may hurt her. You made a horrible decision if you're truly sorry, then it's time to own up to it. No matter what she decides to do, that decision should belong to her. It's been a few weeks since this happened. Has anything happened since then? Michael
Sneakee Monkee Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Hi, Well, I think you know that you've crossed a line that more than likely will spell the end of at least one relationship here. Possibly two. Either your b.f. dumps her hubby, you or both. This is a pretty big situation you've gotten yourself into that isn't likely to have the results you want- which is to pretend it never happened. The truth always has a way of coming out. Whether or not you "fess up" now or wait for her to find out on her own only delays the envitable. Me, personally, I wouldn't be able to handle the stress associated with keeping up appearances for your own benefit. Because not telling your b.f. is not helping her at all. She needs to know that her man isn't faithful, and you probably weren't the first he's cheated with. She deserves to have the same knowledge you two have- it's like you're running her life for her by not letting her in on your secret. Would she still be in her present relationships if she knew what you two knew? I'd let her know what you did, and be very understanding that she may never want to to see you again. At least then it'd be out in the open and you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
mopar crazy Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 I told my friend that this guy was no good for her. I don't know if anyone commented on this as I haven't read all the replies. swtanna, there is one thing I do not understand about this. You said this guy wasn't good enough for her but you ended up talking dirty talk w/ him and giving him a BJ? Are you telling her this guy isn't good enough for her b/c it's true, or is it b/c you are attracted to him and want him to yourself? Sorry if I'm off on that I just find it really odd that you tell her he is bad for her and you end up giving him a BJ. At first in your thread you seem to not like this guy and then at the end of your thread you tell us you gave him head???? As for telling her, I think you should tell her but honestly, it's your choice. The friendship could end, or maybe she will thankful she found out what a jerk she is involved w/ and dump him b4 he does it again, if he hasn't already. I would tell her b4 he has the chance to. And no, your not a bad person, you just made a very bad choice. Gl w/ this.
Michael86 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 I don't know if anyone commented on this as I haven't read all the replies. swtanna, there is one thing I do not understand about this. You said this guy wasn't good enough for her but you ended up talking dirty talk w/ him and giving him a BJ? Are you telling her this guy isn't good enough for her b/c it's true, or is it b/c you are attracted to him and want him to yourself? Sorry if I'm off on that I just find it really odd that you tell her he is bad for her and you end up giving him a BJ. At first in your thread you seem to not like this guy and then at the end of your thread you tell us you gave him head???? As for telling her, I think you should tell her but honestly, it's your choice. The friendship could end, or maybe she will thankful she found out what a jerk she is involved w/ and dump him b4 he does it again, if he hasn't already. I would tell her b4 he has the chance to. And no, your not a bad person, you just made a very bad choice. Gl w/ this. Good point Mopar. That's why I said in my reply that she should look into why she did this. This happened for a reason. There's definitely some missing pieces here.
Guest2 Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 The funniest part about this troll is that she claims to still be a "friend". You cannot give your girlfriend's boyfriend a blowjob, wish her an abortion and unhappiness, yet still claim to be her friend.
It's all good Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Put all the blowjob stuff aside (no pun intended) what I can't believe is this... I am just for some reason hoping that she dumps him gets an abortion, and then after a while I can tell her. What??? what did you just type??? You want your "Friend" to dump him and get an abortion?? I think she should dump you! yeah, yeah, he cheated too...but if you had not helped in that department he might not have. I am just in shock that you want her to abort HER BABY because of YOUR dumb mistake. You are not her friend and in my opinion she is a hell of a lot better off without the TWO of YOU in her life. Leave her alone. you'll lose her as a "Friend" if you tell her anyway, so leave her alone. leave him alone too. Geez!!!
Touche Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I find it interesting the way she worded her thread title. Best Friend's Man Cheated with me. She doesn't seem to be accountable or really take responsibility. It's all his fault I guess. Why not say: I Cheated with My Best Friend's Man Something to think about it.
Presario Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Man, these cheater threads are getting boring. The pattern is that first they cheat, or "it unexpectedy happens." Then they feel kind of guilty, and then they find an excuse and move on. I wish LoveShack offered a way to ignore threads...
Heavenlyflower9 Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I was in the same exact situation! Pregnant, married and H cheated with my best friend. Apparently she had an eye on him for awhile. Anyways..... But i think you do need to confess and come clean to her. I hate to tell ya but your Best Friend, will probably never ever talk to you again let alone forgive you. You told her he was'nt good for her. Hmmm...do you think she forgot what you said? I agree with some of the other posters. It take two! If you REALLY cared for your best friend then maybe you should'nt have put IT in your mouth. Sorry! You're gonna get these remarks. Plus, if he's like this with you. Who knows whoelse he's slept with? Get yourself checked. Best friend needs to get checked too. I feel sorry for the mom to be and the baby. Learn to get on with your life!
tweldy Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I'm kind of saddened at the sarcastic responses. I think its fair to say no one here is so virtuous that they are entitled to berate the poster who is clearly seeking and needing help. That being said, there is a valid point in that your actions were your own and you are having a hard time seeing it that way. The good news is that you can identify why you are having a hard time acknowledging your agency in this matter. It is important to find this reason and then do what needs to be done to ensure that you strengthen your psyche so that this doesn't happen in the future. It could be that you have an issue with being impulsive. I, personally, have ADD and am given to doing things before I think about them. In my youth (aside of being the opposite gender) I could imagine having done this without the consequences of my actions having dawned on me until after the event. I will be honest, it was horribly painful to train myself to attend the world around me more and it cost me a lot of money and time and embarrassingly basic help from therapists, but it has fostered growth in my self confidence and aided in my personal life and career tremendously. Another possibility is that you could have been abused as a child and as a result you relate to men sexually when you are angered with them. If this is the case, you are likely to have dysfunctional sexual relationships until you work through the abuse you received as a child or young adult. Its possible to do this on your own but, again, a therapist could be invaluable to you. Likely both of these hypothetical analyses do not fit your situation, but I'm hoping that you can see how this event has a root cause and that if you can identify this cause and address it, it can make this event a turning point and an ultimately positive experience in your life. Armed with this knowledge and accomplishment you can ask your friend's forgiveness and assure your friend that you have taken profound personal steps to address this issue, giving her reason that she may be able to trust you again. Finally, eschew the "I am a bad person" thought pattern. First, I don't think that's true. I think you're a good person who has done something regrettable and is trying to take steps to resolve the situation. It sounds like you don't have the tools to do so; however. This is clear in your inability to state what happened as a result of your actions as opposed to an occurrence over which you do not have control. Second, it is ultimately a cop-out. If you are a 'bad' person and you can just try to be a 'good' person, you will not discover what about you led you to this situation and figure out how to change that part of yourself. I wish you the best for your future.
tweldy Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I'm kind of saddened at the sarcastic responses. I think its fair to say no one here is so virtuous that they are entitled to berate the poster who is clearly seeking and needing help. That being said, there is a valid point in that your actions were your own and you are having a hard time seeing it that way. The good news is that you can identify why you are having a hard time acknowledging your agency in this matter. It is important to find this reason and then do what needs to be done to ensure that you strengthen your psyche so that this doesn't happen in the future. It could be that you have an issue with being impulsive. I, personally, have ADD and am given to doing things before I think about them. In my youth (aside of being the opposite gender) I could imagine having done this without the consequences of my actions having dawned on me until after the event. I will be honest, it was horribly painful to train myself to attend the world around me more and it cost me a lot of money and time and embarrassingly basic help from therapists, but it has fostered growth in my self confidence and aided in my personal life and career tremendously. Another possibility is that you could have been abused as a child and as a result you relate to men sexually when you are angered with them. If this is the case, you are likely to have dysfunctional sexual relationships until you work through the abuse you received as a child or young adult. Its possible to do this on your own but, again, a therapist could be invaluable to you. Likely both of these hypothetical analyses do not fit your situation, but I'm hoping that you can see how this event has a root cause and that if you can identify this cause and address it, it can make this event a turning point and an ultimately positive experience in your life. Armed with this knowledge and accomplishment you can ask your friend's forgiveness and assure your friend that you have taken profound personal steps to address this issue, giving her reason that she may be able to trust you again. Finally, eschew the "I am a bad person" thought pattern. First, I don't think that's true. I think you're a good person who has done something regrettable and is trying to take steps to resolve the situation. It sounds like you don't have the tools to do so; however. This is clear in your inability to state what happened as a result of your actions as opposed to an occurrence over which you do not have control. Second, it is ultimately a cop-out. If you are a 'bad' person and you can just try to be a 'good' person, you will not discover what about you led you to this situation and figure out how to change that part of yourself. I wish you the best for your future.
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