swtanna05 Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 I am glad this place exists so I can share my story and problem wtih you guys, it will make me feel better! I made a mistake, I should have never done. I regret it. and yea I am a bad person. I dont want any criticism please, I just need you guys' advice and support. My best friend met this guy like a year ago. They decided to get married shortly and everything. I told my friend that this guy was no good for her. He has baggage with him, because he already had a child with another girl. And plus hes 26, which is 7 years older than my friend. So 3 months ago she found out she was pregnant. Which wasn't really a surprise to me. A month ago they got into a huge fight and were about to split up. After a week, I decided to go to their house, in which only her guy was there, and she went to her parents house. I talked to him for like a couple hours, trying to figure out what happened between them and everything. At night, we started talking dirty and hes like yea I havent had sex, and somehow one thing let to another, and I ended up giving him a blowjob. Then after, I felt like shi*. They ended up getting back together, and my best friend still doesn't know. I am too afraid to tell her, and its gotten me really sad. I even cried the other night :-( I don't know what to do, any help would be appreciated thanks!
summer74 Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 He sounds like a total scumbag. You should let her know because you don't want your friend to be with someone like that. Also, you need to tell her because she's going to find out one day anyhow and it's better if it comes from you than someone else. She's going to be super mad at you, but maybe she'll be able to forgive you if you're honest.
Author swtanna05 Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 I don't think shes gonna forgive me. If I tell her shes never gonna talk to me again. I am just for some reason hoping that she dumps him gets an abortion, and then after a while I can tell her.
Grinning Maniac Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 ...and somehow one thing let to another, and I ended up giving him a blowjob. Time travel? Penile teleportation? Hypnosis?
Author swtanna05 Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 If anyone wants to talk and give me advice (i need support) email me first at [email protected]. Apparenlty people here are not very nice. thanks
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 You have to do what you feel is right. Noone can decide that for you. It might be better her hearing it from you, as her friend. She is going to be upset and pissed off. All you can do is tell her it was a mistake, that you're very sorry and you will do everything possible to build up the trust again, do what it takes to fix her hurt feelings. Don't put all the blame on him, BOTH of you screwed up. If you don't tell her and he does, chances are he will make it look bad all on you. Good luck and keep posting! Ignore the comments you don't like. Just concentrate on posts that are helping you.
Ladyjane14 Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Apparenlty people here are not very nice. thanks I'm assuming that you're referring to GM's comment. And frankly, I don't see how you've managed to miss his point. Giving a blowjob is not like tripping on the sidewalk. It doesn't just happen. Nope...you made a decision. And a poor one at that because it has ruined your relationship with your best friend. Funny thing about good advice. It's not always what you want to hear, but rather what you need to hear. What you need to be hearing is that your ability to make good decisions is suspect....and you need to be asking yourself why. You put yourself in a position where something bad could happen. You made a decision to go there, you made a decision to butt into your friend's personal life, you made a decision to "talk dirty", and you made a decision to get physical with your best friend's husband. Referring to it as "somehow one thing let to another" is cop-out. And YOU are the one who is sold short by it, because you've given yourself an excuse NOT to deal with your issues.
reddog63 Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 This may seem an irrelavant question...............but.........did you swallow??
Yikes Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Of course she is going to be mad! Wouldn't you be? It is obvious that you don't feel that you should be taking ownership for what YOU did to YOUR friend. The title of this thread clearly indicates that you feel that he is more responsible, which is why you never titled this thread "I cheated with my best friend's man" I agree with Lady Jane. You screwed up. Accept responsibilty. Take your lumps. Don't ever do that to a friend again.
Moai Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 I am wondering what sort of support you are looking for in this situation? How come my girlfriend's friends never accidentally blow me? They have never even tried. *sigh*
morrigan Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 I am just for some reason hoping that she dumps him gets an abortion, and then after a while I can tell her. In some cases, you could hope by being silent about what happened, it will never come out. In this situation, you can't bank on that. Your friend may get in contact with this loser, have another dispute, in which he may notify her of what you both willingly did together. Your friend may have a change of heart and go back to this guy. You and the bf will have a silent partnership about keeping your encounter mum, until one of you decides to get back at the other person or your friend by telling her. There's no guarantee you will keep her as a friend if you tell her now--but if she finds out later on or from someone else, she'll feel even more betrayed.
Kenyth Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 I think in these circumstances, you would best serve things by remaining silent and removing yourself from their lives. When you think about it, you're really not her best freind at all and to stick around puts you indanger of cheating with him again. Now that she's pregnant, I don't think shattering her world is the best thing to do. It would be selfish as it's only effective purpose would be to alleviate your guilt. Without the baby being involved, I'd say it was your call. But there is a chance they can have a happy family life now without this information coming out. I think that baby deserves the chance.
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 :rolleyes: this is the exact kinda selfishness I am talking about in my other thread.... gggeeezzzz Girl.. Shes your best friend.. You go and talk to her husband to see what happened Then you DECIDE to suck his c0ck... Now you want her to dump him AND get an abortion????? sorry...but this is the sh*t that really gets to me... SELFISHNESS.....the most useless human trait there is
wanda1974 Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 I am wondering what sort of support you are looking for in this situation? How come my girlfriend's friends never accidentally blow me? They have never even tried. *sigh* :lmao: :lmao: I just almost p***ed in my pants with that comment!!!!
Author swtanna05 Posted December 5, 2005 Author Posted December 5, 2005 Yes, I know I messed up!! You don't think I am aware of that? I clearly messed up. And yea, I am a bad person, but I just don't know what to do now. Should I just back out of their lives and lose my friend without ever her knowing. He would never tell her, so if I keep my mouth shut, she'll never know. Or should I tell her which would mean probably losing her and hurting her both at the same time. I am so lost!
wanda1974 Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 My best friend slept with my husband, and I didn't find out for two years afterwards (even though I suspected it all along). I didn't hear it from her, I tricked him into telling me one night when he was all jacked up on coke. All I can say, from experience, is it hurt more than anything that SHE didn't tell me herself...I probably would have forgiven her after awhile. I obviously divorced him. Men are men, but friends, especially good ones, are hard to come by. You don't sound like a very good friend, but you can change that by coming clean. Stay away from him. Hopefully, one day she'll forgive you. If not, you learned a valuable lesson. Good luck, and try not to have any more deep conversations that land you with a foreign object in your mouth (on accident).
Yikes Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 No one said that you were a bad person. You messed up. Congratulations, you're human. Personally, I think that you should tell her and let the chips fall where they may, but that's just my opinion.
Ladyjane14 Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 You only have two choices. Tell her or don't. If you elect to NOT tell her, then take Wanda's story into consideration and gently end the friendship. Don't hang out with her, all the while lying by omission. It's a further betrayal. If you elect to tell her the truth, don't minimize your part in the betrayal. Don't make excuses. And do tell her the reasons Why you did what you did. (There must be something inside you that is VERY insecure, and needful of attention. You need to know what that is....for your own sake if for no other reason. You needn't carry that forward in life, it you face it now. ) The friendship is likely over no matter what you decide. It'll never be the way it was, that's for sure. The trust is gone.
Author swtanna05 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 thanks guys. If I do decide to hell, obviously the first thing shes gonna as is "why?". I am really not sure what to tell her. I dont think people saying "sorry" upon that question being asked ever works. I don'tknow what to tell her the very first time she asks me why. It's a real hard situation to be in.
Crazy8 Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 You are waiting for someone to tell u it is ok and not to tell your friend. Here are a few other things to think about. This guy, is a typical guy, but hell he married now. Well it won't last and even if it does he's gonna bang other girls and give your friend a STD or something. Sounds like a $hitty situation, but oh well you made happen, live and learn. Tell her the truth and find a new friend if she wont be your friend anymore. We have all done some messed up things, just dont repeat your mistakes. You shouldn't even of talked to him. Wasn't your place to even be there. Move on.
Author swtanna05 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 yea good point, maybe i shoudl get tested myself now. how easy is it to catch something from oralsex?
Grinning Maniac Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 How easy? Well...you had your mouth...on the thing that the diseases CUM FROM. *ahem*
wedfew Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 My tuppence: Whether or not she will forgive you is irrelevant. Whether it will destroy their relationship or not is irrelevant. You messed up and you are compounding the problem by continuing to conceal the truth. You are going to let your best friend have a child with a guy who happily receives oral sex from his wife's best friend. If you allow her to go through all of that unknowingly, you will have committed an act even more heinous than giving her husband a blowjob.
SamandBran Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 I haven't been on this site long but I can see that it is nothing like my pregnancy that I joined when I was preggers with my 1 year old. The huge difference is that there are more guys on here. A few of the guys have incredible advice while the majority are complete idiots. You already admitted that you did a horrible thing to your best friend and we should get past that. I studied to be a psychologist before I chose to continue my career as a Computer Analyst. So, I am used to any crazy situation that comes my way and can answer in an unbiased manner. I believe that you should own up to what you did and tell your best friend b/c the guy is no good for her and keeping secrets from your friend is never good. Apparently if he would do that with you, he has or is cheating with other women. And think of the STDs he can be bringing back to her and the pain it will cause her in the long run when she finds out that he has been cheating and even cheated with you, her best friend. By staying quiet, right now you are helping him to actually hurt her even more. Your best friend may be mad at you but let her decide if she wants to be your friend still and give her time to do this. She definitely, undoubtedly, needs to know the truth though. You should have never put yourself in this situation and now it is time to own up to your actions and face the consequences. That is part of being an adult. Good luck and keep us posted on how everything turned out! Samantha
jmargel Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Yes, I know I messed up!! You don't think I am aware of that? I clearly messed up. And yea, I am a bad person, but I just don't know what to do now. Should I just back out of their lives and lose my friend without ever her knowing. He would never tell her, so if I keep my mouth shut, she'll never know. Or should I tell her which would mean probably losing her and hurting her both at the same time. I am so lost! First off, you are NOT a bad person! You just made a poor choice. Everyone does this, no one is perfect. Plus he is just as responsible. It takes two to tango. If those two break up there is a possiblity of him still telling her. At least by you telling her now you are making your side of the wrong, right. You are doing everything possible to show her that she means alot to you. The way you are feeling is a sign that you do have a big heart and that you have good intentions. Whether or not she is your friend afterwards is her decision. You can't continually beat yourself up over this. Apparently she is not happy with him as well if they are fighting so much. Also he is going to continue to cheat until he gets caught. This is going to be a hard step for you but I think in your heart you need to do what is right. Perhaps a letter might be best to send to her so that you can get everything you need to say. Let her read it by herself and tell her you will be there when she's ready to talk. Hang in there Your among friends here..
Recommended Posts