AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 What do i do when my gf breaks up with me because she wants to go out and party, meet other guys, and i guess get laid. She told me that there was nothing wrong with me and she didn't use these exact words for going out and partying but thats the jist that i got. She called me up drunk once and said she wanted to see me but left a message cause i was alseep. Next day she was back to telling me that we shouldn't see each other. I am just wondering how long it takes for this feeling of a need to party without attachment lasts. Will she ever miss the caring relationship that we had? i treated her like a queen, i can't believe that this will end us forever. I am willing to accept all the **** that she will do while broken up with me, but i just want her back after shes done. Is there hope?
patwheel Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Is there hope? Yup. Down the road when they are ready to settle down, and that means after all the partying. Some girls finish that phase sooner than others, mine wasnt done by 25, depends on the person I guess. Stop wasting your time on her man! She's 21, wants OTHER men than you, see what's out there, and all that crap that goes along. Read the threads on here concerning "wanting space", "discovering yourself", they all lead to the same exact conclusion...they do not want to be with you anymore, and just try to alleviate their guilt, try to be "nice".
Genod422 Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 My gf is 19 and adored me and I treated her like a queen and she was an amazing girl but college has changed her and now in her sophomore year we split for about a month now. I'm not sure what to tell you. I'm confident she will be back, but the question is when? You can't wait for her no matter what. No offense to the girls on this board but girls decide to do this more than guys and more or less want to go out there and slut around and then they realize they made the wrong choice. For god's sake my ex was a virgin when we met, still as after we dated for a year and a half, and now acts as if she doesnt believe in love and wants to date around. She will ( unless some stroke of luck brings her back to me) lose her V card to some geek, probably while drunk, mess up on school work (wants to party yet going to school to be a doctor) and so on and she will realize what she did was wrong. Get out there and date. If you show your life has moved on the process may hasten for if she sees you with a girl she may feel the need to want on again. I go to school in the same city as my gf and im 20 minutes away from her, came here because of her, so it's tough and she's immature and I hope she makes the right decision but you never know.
Author AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 Dudes i got contact back and im exstatic. I don't even care that she says shes having dating troubles. I love that she's willing to talk to me. Im gonna ween her back over a couple months. I know i can do this, i have at least 20 IQ on her. heh. Ill just support her and be her friend and keep myself in the back of her mind. She will eventually get tired of all the partying and want a real boyfriend again. Thats when ill tell her that ther are no hard feelings and that i have moved on. Then she'll say she misses me...then ill say that we could grab some coffee. BOom, i have faith and im not even religous. I don't even care that shes slept with other people. Once i knew i didn't love her for the physical relationship, i knew that i could take her back. Shes just gotta get used a couple times. thats all. agree?
beatlebob Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Don't take the friend route. You'll resent her when you end up being her confidant about her problems and sex life with other guys.
wendel1 Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 I agree with bob, she's only 21 and she is going to want to experience being 21. The same happened with my ex, and the same happened with Genod's ex. If you stop her from finding out for herself she is going to resent and hate you. Even if you do become friends, how are you going to cope when she says she has a new b/f?? Because being friends is all she wants at the moment. NOTHING ELSE. You are setting yourself up for a heavy fall and a whole lot more pain.
Author AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 Yea but i will do anything. It is too early to talk to her about giving it a second chance. Shouldn't i just support her for a while? How long does this goddam 21 experiance thing last? im willing to wait. Seriously i will do anything.
patwheel Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Hmmm... Some cold hard truth man. You love her, will do anything for her. Love is a 2 way street, and right now your situation is a one way street. She does not love you, being friends with you is either: you being a back up relieve her guilt Your "love" for her is acting like a smokescreen that you blurs out everything. Look at the post on this board. Every one will tell you. You might be successful at getting her back, and you might stay a little longer with her, or even for a decent amount of time, but in the end, if you and her have not dealt with your issues (personal and couple), she will leave you for the exact same reasons. And to answer your question how long does that experience thing last? My ex is 25, and far from done. Some mature faster, some dont. During the meantime save your sanity and some time. Just think about this, she does not want you, barely wants to do anything with you, will go out party and bang guys, while you mop around for her. And you tell me you wont hold a grudge against her? This is what works for me.
Genod422 Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 See the plan you came up with AltplanB works but it takes time. My ex before my current ex left me for the same reason and I moped for a while but I didn't love her so getting over her wasn't as hard. Anyways I went from being sick to my stomach to the thought of her sleeping and being with other guys to being like oh well to months down the road talking to her again, even about sex, when I was with my current ex. I acted like a friend, she wanted to get back with me, but it was too late and we are now just friends and she is helping me cope with my current breakup. She realized how good I was and how she messed up and she regrets it often but that's the case on the most part. Don't be her friend until you are over her. My ex wants to be friends and IMs me here and there but I keep it simple and barely talk, she is seeing other guys and we juts split a month ago. A lot of girls have to get the slut out of them for some reason, it just shows you are a better person and more mature person. I see it as we would have been perfect if I met her a few years later :-(
Kengne Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Dudes i got contact back and im exstatic. I don't even care that she says shes having dating troubles. I love that she's willing to talk to me. Im gonna ween her back over a couple months. I know i can do this, i have at least 20 IQ on her. heh. Ill just support her and be her friend and keep myself in the back of her mind. She will eventually get tired of all the partying and want a real boyfriend again. Thats when ill tell her that ther are no hard feelings and that i have moved on. Then she'll say she misses me...then ill say that we could grab some coffee. BOom, i have faith and im not even religous. I don't even care that shes slept with other people. Once i knew i didn't love her for the physical relationship, i knew that i could take her back. Shes just gotta get used a couple times. thats all. agree? Are you serious? No, are you SERIOUS? Love is not some experimantal variable to be manipulated. And who cares if you have 20 IQ on her? Yes. She WILL eventually get tired of the partying etc...but she will NOT have the opportunity to miss YOU nor your relationship, if you are still there in her life, as a 'friend' AND as a backup or safety net! Why? Because once she knows that you are THERE and are going NOwhere, she will not be motivated to move mountains to get back with you... if you're just chilling outside her doorstep! Basic human principle - people want what they cannot have. By being her 'friend' with the emotions you still have for you - you are making yourself TOO available but more importantly - YOU ARE NOT MOVING ON! Please, know your worth. Know your worth! And let her know your worth too. NC all the way. You cannot be her friend until you have fully ACCEPTED the end of your relationship, and CLOSED and LOCKED the door to reconciliation - for NOW. K.
wendel1 Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 I agree with that 100% Kengne. My ex broke up with me in late August...(she is 21). From September to November we have been in contact a few times, but I think she is just feeling guilt, cos she is now seeing somebody else! I wanted to 'be her friend' as I thought this would lead me back to her heart (as you do), and I would reply to her emails, ask how she was, missed calls etc. This happened until late Oct. Now I realise she was probably just contacting me to ease her guilt, and she knows that she has me wrapped round her little finger. I eventually had to tell her that I couldnt be her friend, that it was too painful for me, so we had a long hug and went our separate ways. Im sure you will eventually realise this too. I am now into my second month of no contact, and I feel I am getting better. Last month I was sure I would send her a Xmas card, email etc, but now I'm not so sure. Her b'day is in March and perhaps I will send something to her then. Im trying to get to one base at a time with NC. The fact is that people want what they cant have...if u keep trying to be her friend, she will probably lose respect for you, and the 'spark' will definitely be lost. Like I'm doing, you have just got to let her go. Anyways, me and my friends are starting to plan for Spring Break next March Don't be her friend until you are over her. My ex wants to be friends and IMs me here and there but I keep it simple and barely talk, she is seeing other guys and we juts split a month ago. A lot of girls have to get the slut out of them for some reason, it just shows you are a better person and more mature person Excellent advise there matey.
meltwithme Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Dudes i got contact back and im exstatic. I don't even care that she says shes having dating troubles. I love that she's willing to talk to me. Im gonna ween her back over a couple months. I know i can do this, i have at least 20 IQ on her. heh. Ill just support her and be her friend and keep myself in the back of her mind. She will eventually get tired of all the partying and want a real boyfriend again. Thats when ill tell her that ther are no hard feelings and that i have moved on. Then she'll say she misses me...then ill say that we could grab some coffee. BOom, i have faith and im not even religous. I don't even care that shes slept with other people. Once i knew i didn't love her for the physical relationship, i knew that i could take her back. Shes just gotta get used a couple times. thats all. agree? Well out of curiousity, how did you go about getting contact back? And what do you even talk about? I can't imagine what I would talk about with my ex right now. Also you have to look out for yourself. How will you feel if she says she still doesn't want to get back together and then cuts you off again?
westernxer Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Shouldn't i just support her for a while? Hell no. How long does this goddam 21 experiance thing last? Until she finds a new boyfriend.
Author AltplanB Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 I just lied about how i wanted some stuff back. Then once she told me she could drive it up to my parents house, i told her i bought new things. I just kept putting questions in the messages. She would answer. However ive changed my mind on the whole thing. Im not gonna reply to her messages, its just keeping me from moving on. She stole my friends, and is sleeping around and having a lot of fun, knowing that i am going through hell. I didn't realize that she really isn't that nice of a person when it comes down to it. I also realize that she lied to me a lot. It isn't possible to really be in love and then tell someone off for those reasons without any thought to a second chance. I think of her as a slut now who just wants to party and find a boy that's different than me. With how great she is, shell find someone immediatly and i know i don't have a chance. Shes already in a relationship. So **** her, i got used.
Author AltplanB Posted December 5, 2005 Author Posted December 5, 2005 this really sucks but i know that i dont want the left overs. I gave her my heart and she squashed it. So **** im out.
Milo Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Good decision. That backup boyfriend position has nothing to recommend it.
Author AltplanB Posted December 5, 2005 Author Posted December 5, 2005 Yea but i still love her. She was my first love. Guess that makes it even harder.
BrknHrt Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 I know exactly what you're going through, and I'm a girl. So it's not fair for ya'll to say only girls do this. My boyfriend dumped me one week before his 21st birthday and told me he needed to be able to spend time with his friends. Well 5 weeks later he has a new girlfriend who he tells people he's in love with(and she's under 21!) and has deserted his friends. He is a complete liar and a cheat. So, NO, do not keep talking to her...the "need to have a good time" crap is just a line to get rid of us so they can go to somebody else.
SmoochieFace Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 *Discovering yourself* is young-speak for *I wanna f*** around until I find the right dick/pussy size for me* and *I wanna experience at least 300 orgasms with complete dumbass partners until I settle down.* :p
Author AltplanB Posted December 5, 2005 Author Posted December 5, 2005 I hate women. You need us. You need us. You don't need us. Peace out im gonna find me some cock. Find someone that doesn't know all my issues. Gonna go party and get drunk and have fun without you. 1 week goes by, "i met someone." Wow you lied about your feelings for me the whole time and used me to get into a better state of mind and then dumped me, took my friends, and started sleeping around. How long does it take for women to go through this bull**** stage of slutting themselves out? how long before they rethink their past loves? arrrg...
Yamaha Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Maturity is not unnecessarily an age thing. Some people are mature at 21 and others are still immature at 45. The bottom line is she did not love you enough to stay. You are hurting now but when you lose the hope that you still have you will find that she wasn't the right one for you. The right one would not tell you she needs to experience others to be happy. Do not be her friend. Find someone who is into you and wants to spend her time and activities with you. Don't feel she will miss out on you because you will realize that you are the lucky one.
Author AltplanB Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Yea i tried everything and she just pulled farther away. Now im just gonna erase her from everything. No contact. I wanted so bad for her to give me the same chance i had given her 5 months earlier, a second chance. She wouldn't do it and i now know that its the type of person she is. Heartless. She is an emotional reciever, not a giver. I helped her and once she was better, she dumped me and partied. End of story F--- her.
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