delilah32 Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 for the juicy details, see my other threads. for now, i established no contact last week after my ex dumped me citing "confusion" and "possible midlife crisis" as the reasons. i felt like **** the first few days, cried, got drunk in terrible, self-loathing and defeatist thoughts, you know, the works. after several days of this, but STILL NO CONTACT on my part, he emails a couple of times. you know the type of email, the slightly condescending of the "i miss you but am worried about you can we talk" ilk. still, no contact on my part. that's followed by a series of mysterious hangups on my answering machine. still, i don't bite. finally, he calls and leaves a lengthy "I MISS YOU ALREADY CAN WE PLEASE TALK??!! BOO HOO WOE IS ME" message on my machine. you guessed it, not a peep from me. today, a rather desperate email from him saying "okay, i really miss you and cannot stop thinking about you and feel like i'm having a conversation with you even when i try to sleep. can we please talk in person to figure this mess out?". and again, i ain't budging. somehow, though, i don't feel very triumphant. rather, i feel extremely sad that we--all of us to an extent--fall into the same silly come here go away game when it comes to love. i just kind of feel hollow and jaded by the whole thing actually. why can't people just be on the same page at the same time and be done with it? anyway, just some musings. i'll probably have a different attitude tomorrow...
roadx Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 One reads about NC countless times, but sometimes I do not agree full NC is the way to go. I agree that some NC is appropriate, but here your guy is now making several attemts to contact you by phone and email. I am not sure what you accomplish by continuing NC at this time. If you continue with NC, when you now decide to contact him, if that is what you want to do, I would not be surprised that he has given up and he decides to do the NC back to you, and then you will be puzzled even further about his actions. If you want to move on with your life, then continue the NC. But, if what you really want is to be on the same page with him, you now have that opportunity by responding back to him. You do not have to accept anymore the way he treated you in the past, but use this time to reach out to him to express your wants and needs. roadx
Author delilah32 Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 actually, i've given a lot of thought to the No Contact doctrine that seems to prevail here and have decided that for me, there's not a lot of ambiguity in the matter. i agree with the school of thought that says if they really wanted us back, there'd be none of these pansy half-ass "i miss you but am still confused" contacts. true, my ex has clearly had time to realize that he misses me and that he'd like to talk to me after all. however, it's more important imho to listen to what he's NOT SAYING, which is, in clear decisive terms, "I made a mistake and I want you back and am willing to change." Nope, he's merely asking for a quick fix to end his temporary moment of doubt and sadness. the moment i return the contact is the moment i feel like **** again and he feels better. i'm sorry, but there is no grey here. fortunately, while i struggle with self-esteem issues just like everyone else, at this point in my life i respect myself enough not to settle for waiting passively in the wings while my ex "decides" if he wants me back. i'm moving on and feel that everyone on here should do the same. in my initial post, when i said i feel jaded, by that i meant that men--okay, people in general--seem to predictably want that which they cannot have. that phenomenon makes me very cynical about all this love business in general. are we hardwired that way?
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