Respect Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 The number of men, in general, who have difficulty in displaying emotion is phenomenally large- but it takes on a peculiar note with successful white collar professionals. I have just ended a relationship with just such a man. He was consumed by the stressful responsibilities required by his job. He is an ER doctor who works 12 hour shifts at three hospitals, all in different states, on a merry-go-round schedule. He is 58 (although he tells everyone including me, that he is 54), and has worked for over 30 years as a physician and could retire comfortably at this stage in his life- or at least cut back the number of shifts but he refuses stating that the money is too good to pass up. He is able to schedule breaks according to his contracts with each hospital but rarely plans his breaks with me included. He normally flys off to visit his hometown and his relatives or plans some wonderful trip without me. Yet, he says I'm "important" to him and that he enjoys my company. He even ventured to say he "likes" me. Ahem! He says that he finds me exciting and enjoyable to be with- and always makes special note on the teriffic sex we have. He says he is "proud" to have me with him in public places and is fascinated (he says) with how intelligent I am. But that's all. This is where all the good ends and the not-so-good begins. He is neveer willing to talk about our relationship beyond the aspect of companionship, although he told me from the first date that he was interested in a long term relationship and was confident he could make me happy. I believed he was worth my time after hearing that because I had also shared with him at the get-go what my expectations were: I was looking for a partner to spend the rest of my life with. I am 45 years old and have had relationships before (as he had, also) and I know exactly what will work for me and what won't. I have been through the stages of my life where I always had to struggle through all the preliminary steps from puppy love to real love and everything in between. Somehow, over the years, I a have been able to skip past all the silly stuff and focus immediately on what I know my needs are. But men do not ever (apparently) get to that stage of life. They mutate differently. This one was as reptilian as a man could get. He was never romantic and verbal unless prodded. He could never seem to express any feelings or thoughts or emotions. (I concluded he was simply unable). he only wanted a superficial relationship that was convenient and enjoyable...and had been willing to lie from the beginning to obtain it. His comments on my intelligence were well-rehersed versions of what had worked on others in the past which he used to flatter and distract his unsuspecting trusting companion. He was intelligent enough to have developed a pattern of knowing what worked. I gave him three months of my life doing mental evaluations as the weeks passed and I learned more about him. Three months is enough time in any new relationship to find out all you need to know about a person. After the three months were up, I confronted him in a low-key non threatening way (as best as I could)- and told him I felt the relationship was going no where and that I wanted out. Normally, I do not go past the magical three months, but he acknowledged all that I said in a very believable way and asked that I give him another chance, promising to change as much of the behavior immediately. He only changed the "I like you alot" part to "Love, So-and-so" whenever he signed his emails....he sent three romantic cards all in a row signed "With Love"...and then they stopped. Furthermore, nothing really changed. He went on holiday to his homestate without inviting me and I was left with only one thing left to do: dump him- and soon! Which I did a week after he got back. He seemed to take it well this time...no begging for another chance, no angry words, no phone calls. Which is the way it's supoosed to be. He was clearly a user, a ruthless person who dealt spades to hearts and was incapable of forming feelings of deep affection or love towards anyone but (perhaps) himself, although I doubt he's even honest with himself most of the time. He is a sad story but I thought I would share it with anyone who's going through this with this type of selfish uncaring piece of work. They aren't worth it! Love is defined by the happiness on your face and residing inside you. If your aren't smiling in those two places right now, dump him!
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