meltwithme Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Well, I don't really miss my ex anymore. I thought about an ideal relationship and she wasn't it. But frankly, it's getting very difficult to go without sex. I want that woman’s touch again and I’m in college so meeting women shouldn’t be a problem but it is right now. I've always been somewhat timid, but I was finally coming out of that, then I met the ex and my confidence skyrocketed even more, then it was like girls couldn't stay off me, but it fell very hard after I found out she had a new boyfriend a week after (possibly before?) she broke up with me. That no longer tears me up like it did at first but I still feel really inadequate. Even though everyone tells me I'm a great looking guy, and women do seem to be attracted to me often, I just don't feel like one right now and that lack of confidence is holding me back from getting past the 'it was nice to meet you' stage. I did go on a few dates with one girl but she wants a relationship and I don't think I'm ready for all that again. I defiantly want to get back out there and hook up but it seems like I'm stumbling over my own two feet when I do go out now. I just can't figure out how to get my esteem back and get rid of this shy thing that turns a lot of ladies off.
AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Man you just told my exact problem. Every detail. Someone please give us advice. Why did she leave you? Mine left cause she turned 21 and didn't want to be restrained by a relationship. I am going through hell because i really fell for her. It was a huge blow to me and i still struggle everyday. (its been about 1 1/2 months) I know shes sleeping with someone else and she tells me that shes not looking for a relationship with anybody before she started NC with me.
chocolate_boy Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 I gotta say guys, me too... I've never felt as unattractive or unconfident around women as I do right now, sucks! My housemate has just got a new girlfriend too (he's been single all his life he's 25) and after being together a week they're into the honeymoon stage.. to think it always used to be him who was jealous of me and my relationships lol. I do not want another girlfriend right now, the thought makes me feel sick, but also I do not like the whole one-night-stand stuff personally. I think maybe feeling like this is our subconcious mind preparing us for being able to fall in love again in the future without any previous hang-ups or baggage. I guess just ride it out (excuse the pun), I'm just gonna go without women til I feel right about it again, it might take 2 months, maybe 6... Oh and yeah, you always get hot girls coming on to you when you have a girlfriend, lol it's always the case! Must be the whole "not interested" thing we put out then.
Author meltwithme Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 Man you just told my exact problem. Every detail. Someone please give us advice. Why did she leave you? I got pretty jealous but my gut feeling is that she got bored (I was quite a pothead but hey 1month+ clean now) and found someone more interesting. We only had sex enough times to count on your hands (we were long distance). The intercourse wasn't "satisfying" for her a couple times but I did get her to climax other ways. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself because she lost her virginity to me but she wouldn't... orally stimulate me to help arousal and left without even letting me try to get more comfortable with her or try different positions to spice things up. Now that some other guy is getting to experiment with her so much more I think I feel like I let her down as a man or something and that's really getting to me. No other woman has better sex than an ex in your mind.
consumed Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 This is the time that you have to focus on yourself. Rebuild yourself. Improve your image and work on yourself. That's what Im doing and believe me it also really helps you move on.
AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Dude, when i was a freshmen, this 28 year old woman like totally taught me everything there is to know about sex. Just go find a older lady. Trust me, they know everything and they can still be hot. Also remember that they are lookin for a hot young stud, so really, just come on to her without appearing sleazy. Act confident but quiet. They love that. Makes em feel as if they control you or even better, that your just a dumb young jock. Next thing you know, youll have some sex that you never thought was possible in every part of her apartment. Don't put any feelings into it though, cause she ain't. After that, go back to your ex, start talkin to her and ween her back towards you. Tell her what happened. She'll be jealous or disgusted. Anyways, try and get her in the sack. Ive been told by many girls im the best they ever had. I'm telling you its not what your given but how you much you can learn. Peace out homies
chocolate_boy Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Ive been told by many girls im the best they ever had. I'm telling you its not what your given but how you much you can learn. Not wanting to rain on your parade dude, but I think all girls say that to their guy (know all of mine have too!)
AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 that may be but i know that i learned 10 times as much as i knew from that woman. And she had no inhibitions so it really was an awesome experiance. I realized last night that as long as i keep contact and don't push anything, i still have a chance with her. I just need to be a solution to her problems, not the cause of them. That means little contact, and support for her when she tells me whats wrong in her life. On top of that, im given her hints at all the really cool things happening to me. When it really comes down to it, women are attracted to a lifestyle, not a person. They want the person that fits their ideal lifestyle. Since i got dumped because her needs changed, i have to alter myself (and make sure she knows slowly) and keep after her. My faith and determination will keep my hope alive as i have very strong feelings for her. Last, i know that i might not win her back, but i also realized that the step between here and there is to not care, which really makes them jealous. Im working on it.
scobro Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 You get use to not having sex,before I met my ex I went 3 years without getting laid after a while its no big deal at least not to me.Although, its been 4 months and I sure do miss it;) I just look at it like I am not really into one nighters (done that before) and I am not ready for a relationship yet, so I just realize no sex for a while but its not like I will never have sex again in my life just not in the near future:( still sucks though.
AltplanB Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 if you went three years without sex, then thats not you in the picture is it?
scobro Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 if you went three years without sex, then thats not you in the picture is it? HAHAHAHAHA thanks i guess? Unfortunately(i think) it is and I did, but to me 3 years is no big deal (and its probably looking like another 3) Now everyone I knew thought it was but I never really did.I really never met any women that were that into me and vice versa and I never hung out at pick-up bars.Its weird I read on all these threads everyone is out dating like 24 hours after they break-up and I just don't meet women that easily i guess. I never really have been a big "hey baby"pick-up guy.I'm at the gym a lot and there isn't really any women there either so I don't get how all you guys are scoring left right and centre all the time please fill me in.
AltplanB Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 The ones that last are far and few between, but you gotta get yourself out their and market. First things first, know what to say and what to read into. Start conversation over something stupid. Dont start out with something that sounds scripted. Just make contact. If she smiles and responds kindly, go into more detail. You can do this anywhere. I do it all the time and it almost always works out if they arent with somebody. However, 95% of these pick ups wont last more than 3 weeks. Its after the first couple weeks of sex that they want to talk to you more about who you are. Then they decide if they really do like you. Ive been in like 50 relationships but only 3 have gone the distance. I like to think of it as an interview, with them still deciding if they want the position. cheers
SMHappyface Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Keep hanging in there - ur not alone, and this is coming from a chica, being alone for a few weeks now, I'm one horny b****, and have felt similar to the way you do. Basically u just have to start over.
Painwraith Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Gah I hate starting over! Im in that situation at the moment. Any tips from the fairer sex? how do you like to be approached?
omegaRED Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Ummmm... Dunno. If you`re into "dating" (as in you want to date a lot of different women), try http://www.doubleyourdating.com. I found it informative. Had a look at some of the ebooks (ahem). But then again, i was never the serial dater kind of person, and while i sometimes envy my best friend for being such a natural with women, i`m really not into going after every girl i see. After all, i do have my standards
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