taylor3205 Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Well its saturday night and I am so f***in depressed its unbelievable. My best friend lives 100's of miles away and the only place I can go tonight is to an aquaintance aka 'friend', not a true friend, and I know If I go round there like I did last night I will just hit the drink again and tomorow I will feel worse, Ive been drinking too much recently. I feel so totally alone. My ex was round last friday and said he would call in a few days, no call as of yet. I really do think he is with someone else but I soo much want to call him, miss him so much. But then again I have made a fool of myself too many times now. I really dont know who he is anymore, I thought I did.....nothing in my life holds any meaning no more. I am struggling financially, emotionally and I am really at the end of my tether. I have gone overdrawn which I will be charged a fee for, my phoned bill came and it is enormous due to the time I spent on the telephone when he first left me and my car wont start. The thing is he probably doesent care about what Im going through and that is what is stopping me phoning, although I am very very tempted. I am still sleeping on the sofa and have been since he left. Most nights in my clothes and I wear them the next day. I just cant be bothered going on, I just cant pull myself out of this damn rut Im in. It is so hard to think positive about anythig, I feel like there is no point anymore. I wish I had a constant supply of sleepers, I am sleeping a lot anyway but at least then I could sleep more. The only time I feel better is when Im asleep, unless I dream about him that is, in which case I feel worse. My family thinks its high time I 'snap out of it' and so do my friends, easy for them to say though isnt it. I am on a waiting list for a counsellor and maybe that will help. I know I am in a state, and I feel so weak as a person, maybe thats why he left in the first place........I dont know, I dont know anything anymore. I know that my security, friendship and dreams and plans of the future have been snatched away from me and I feel soo low, Ive never felt so low in my life. And I know that even when I do go out and pretend to be happy, deep down I am far from it and I think it shows. People can just see it. I have had my ups but deep down the pain of it all is still there. Its been 2 month now and I am still a mess. I just dont know what to do anymore.
BrknHrt Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I'm in that same rut with you Taylor. I am telling myself over and over the same thing I am about to tell you....DO NOT CONTACT HIM. I promise you it will not change anything. I have had problems with stuff around my house and I called him and he didn't even care and he lived there for 2 years with me!! Once they leave us, our problems and our lives don't matter anymore. Right now you are grieving the relationship, but make yourself a list of all the mean or bad things he ever did or said to you and read it everytime you want to contact him. It will help you get to the mad stage and mad is way better. I was in the mad stage until last night when I saw him with his new girlfriend and now I'm back to the destroyed, can't eat, can't sleep, want to die phase. But I'm reading my list and reminding myself that I am much better without him. I promise it helps. Good luck!
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 im so sorry! i know the feeling of being so far down you wonder, is there anything worse? dont feel like going to work, dont feel like changing, dont feel like showering... its like everything is a big task and you say to yourself... why bother? as hard as it is - dont wait around for his call, as much as you miss him, expect NO CALL, expect nothing, and you cant be disappointed by expectations. im not saying be a pessimist all the time, but in this case, be a realist - and if he does call, say to yourself, do you really want him to? everyone but my close friends said "snap out of it!" they think its good advise, what i really needed to hear was "how are you today" - and it helps to vent. vent everywhere you can. get rid of reminders, if youre not ready to throw them out, just put them in a bag somewhere and leave them out of sight. dont wait around... assume its over and work on building yourself back up. what he's doing isnt a concern anymore, be strong! you can do it! even when youre down there at the bottom, realize there are other people who care! vent here! youre not alone. and don't let anyone convince you theres a time limit on grief. take as long as you need and take it one step at a time. creative outlets can be very good. writing, drawing, music, painting, photography. go someplace youve never been before and would never think to go. get in a car and drive it can help hang in there!
meltwithme Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 It will make things worse if you contact him. The only thing that would accomplish is bringing back all the memories then the pain just tags along with them and you will actually feel worse. Ive been drinking too much recently. Hey you recognize a problem, now you can fix it, don't get drunk for a while. If you can't stay away from it all together, have 1 drink to take the edge off and make sure it isn't alone. Hell even if it's a neighbor you've never spoken to, just invite em to have one with you, the worst they can say is no and you would only have to ask someone else. You said that you don't have many friends around you right now so your going to have to force yourself to go out and make some. You're going to get better, if you try to meet some new people it will be much easier than if you stay isolated.
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