stitchie21 Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I have a major dilema. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. Ever since the beginning of our relationship, we knew and talked about getting married. We have gone ring shopping, and he told me time and again that we will be engaged at X time. This time has come and gone many times with no engagement. I talked to him about this and told him it hurts me when the time comes and goes, and that I feel like I do something wrong to mess it up. He told me he wants it to be a surprise and that I should just trust him and know that he is going to propose soon. My question is, what is going on here? Is he just putting it off because he doesn't really want to marry me (even though he is the one that always brings it up) or is it something else that is making him drag his feet. We are 25 and 26. I wish I could just forget about it and let it happen, but with the way it goes, I feel like it is always in the back of mind - and I don't want to resent him, and start to not trust in him because of this....HELP!!!
slubberdegullion Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I wish I could just forget about it and let it happen Then that's what you should do. I find it utterly astounding at the way the diamond and ring industry has conditioned young - and not-so-young - people about engagement rings. By playing on the emotions of the woman and the men's fear of being accused as a cheap sonofab!tch, the industry has lovestruck people in a stranglehold. So lose the expectation, and take the couple of grand or whatever that you'd spend on a ring and invest it in a house. Yes, really.
Author stitchie21 Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 I guess you are right and I should just try to forget about it. I know it is kind of sick how society frames getting married, but that's the way it is, and it is how I have thought my entire life. I just didn't think it would be this difficult and/or frustrating.
Tamrick Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 I think lots of people feel frustrated like this - I do too. Obviously guys (and girls) want the proposal to be a surprise, but at the same time I do not believe girls should just have to wait around for a guy to decide when to propose. Its fine for him, cause he knows where he is going (and its usually the guys who say just leave him to do it), but if this waiting is affecting other decisions of yours (regarding jobs, or where to live, when to have children and so on) then these things should be addressed. If your life would be no different whether he proposed or not, then you should just wait for him.
RecordProducer Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 He will marry you, I promise! This case reminds me of my story a bit. You may want to browse my history for more information if you're interested. I just replied to a very similar post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=644275&postcount=10. Don't mention anything that has to do with marriage. Xmas time is coming soon.
Author stitchie21 Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 Thank you for making me feel much better. We don't live together (I won't until I am engaged or married) and I just got a promotion at work which requires me to both travel and work more. I have also been getting busy with my own things lately also, and not being available to him all the time. Amazingly, I think it is making him want me for himself more than ever! I will keep you posted on what happens with us, but again thank you!
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