BrknHrt Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I know all of ya'll are going to tell me to intiate NC as I've read all the other posts, but I just needed to get my story out...kinda therapuetic. I've been with this guy for 5 years(well 5 years on December 17th) and lived together for a little under 2 years, but about 2 1/2 years ago he broke up with me and started dating a girl he met at college, well that lasted about a month and I started dating someone else and then he went nuts and came back to me. I wouldn't take him back at first so he basically stalked me until I would talk to him and we got back together. Over the past 6 months or so we'd been fighting over stupid crap, like laundry and not taking the trash out, so a month ago I asked him to move back to his parent's house so we could have space and stop fighting all the time. Well, he dumped me and said he wanted to be single and spend time with his friends. We still talked and saw each other for a couple of days and about a week after he had dumped me he came over to my house and told me he wanted to try again and see if we could work it out. I was ecstatic, I did everything that he always said he wanted me to, didn't call and bother him about where he was, didn't insist of spending time together, ect. Well he hung out w/ me the night after we "got back together" and we ended up having sex. A couple of nights later I made the mistake of calling him my boyfriend and he told me he never meant we were back together? I didn't understand how we could "try again" if we weren't together or at least "dating" so he told me wanted us to be over, he had changed his mind. 2 days later he had a new girlfriend. Now he won't even talk to me, when I called him one night he let her get on the phone and say horrible things to me. But the other day I called him to tell him to get some of his stuff from my house and he told me that someone had told him I was dating. I lied and said, yes I was but refused to tell him who(since there is no one). Do ya'll think that by him asking me over and over again who the person is that I'm dating that it means he cares? I'm so confused because he's done this before, but last time it didn't last a month. I feel like somebody snatched the rug out from under me and I don't know what to do. I wander around my house in circles because I'm so used to being busy doing things for him. I would do ANYTHING to get him back, but I just don't now what would work. As far as NC goes, I started that Wednsday and so far its killing me. How do you stand it?
Author BrknHrt Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 I can't type, thread title was supposed to be "Feel Like Life Is Over".
slubberdegullion Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 As far as NC goes, I started that Wednsday and so far its killing me. How do you stand it? You just do it; one minute, one hour, one day, one week at a time. Treat it like you would treat an addiction, because in a sense that's what it is. Focus clearly on the here-and-now, because it's generally easier to manage issues in the moment than project a solution for some time in the future. Soon enough, a day of NC will turn into a week, then a month, and all of a sudden you'll realize that you were stronger than you first thought. You'll be fine, just stay focused. And keep connected with friends, too. Not just as a distraction, but also as support. Good luck!
Author BrknHrt Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 I hope your right. It's seems like the minutes are ticking by so freaking slow now. I saw him with his girlfriend last night and she was all over him for the sole purpose of rubbing it in my face. I wanted to call him so bad today and tell him how immature and mean he was acting but I'm trying to read all these other posts and stay strong.
txwildorchid Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Seems like he's trying to get a reaction out of you and he's into playing games. Move'on...take some time for yourself and then, when your ready, get back out there. Don't be having conversations with him about who your dating, it's none of his business. I'm going through the same thing right now with the NC part. It's tough as heck! However, I have work, 2 sons and lots of family and friends that occupies my time to help me get through this. I have found that as long as you stay busy not allowing yourself to dwell then it gets easier. Stay strong! Now, I have to go take some of my own advice! ;o)
Author BrknHrt Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 You're so lucky that you have your children and friends and family to help you. I have a few friends left after this, but he and I were together from high school on, so we shared all the same friends and most of them are hanging out with the new girlfriend now, which hurts more than anything. I'm trying my best to stay busy with work and school but I have a class with him on Mondays and Wednsdays and just as soon as I was doing better he decided to come to class(he hasn't been since the breakup) and he sat right next to me and never said a word to me. Now I even dread going to class because I know I'll see him or even worse see him with her.
totallyconfused Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 It sounds like he's being completely immature and trying to elicit some response from you. Ignore him, you dont want to be a part of playing these little jealousy games. 5 years is a long time and for him to have some girl all over him while your around is just downright dirty. And he KNOWS it. People who can do that and be proud of it is basically insecure and thinks that this new relationship will make them happy. Until they realize that their new girlfriend is actually crazy enough to take sloppy seconds AND be crude enough to hurt the ex-girlfriend. Its happened to me before, where my ex's new gf tried so hard getting me jealous. Some girls are just vicious like that and not very smart. Guys usually catch on to that. After two weeks of ignoring their little banter, my ex called begging for forgiveness. It takes a little while for the guilt to go over their head. I still havent taken him back 4 months later. I say defenitely stay away from him. Ignore their jealousy games. You fueling jealousy only gives them something more to talk about. Once your out of the picture, then they'll actually have to entertain one another. Do aboslute NC and just keep yourself busy, work out, play online games, post like mad on LS or look for a new job. Get a new haircut, go shopping, go do ANYTHING with the gals. Its time to start thinking about yourself and healing yourself. Along with spending money on yourself! Go on dates, flirt with coworkers, lab partners, etc. Its great to be single! Your ex sitting next to you in class, well he's trying to elicit some response from you. To see if you care, to see how far he can take this. Don't let him. Ignore him, move a seat. He's not your boyfriend anymore right? He's someone else's. Start moving on with your life.
Author BrknHrt Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 Thank you totallyconfused...that's just what I need to hear right now.
BnThr Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I know all of ya'll are going to tell me to intiate NC as I've read all the other posts, but I just needed to get my story out...kinda therapuetic. I've been with this guy for 5 years(well 5 years on December 17th) and lived together for a little under 2 years, but about 2 1/2 years ago he broke up with me and started dating a girl he met at college, well that lasted about a month and I started dating someone else and then he went nuts and came back to me. I wouldn't take him back at first so he basically stalked me until I would talk to him and we got back together. Over the past 6 months or so we'd been fighting over stupid crap, like laundry and not taking the trash out, so a month ago I asked him to move back to his parent's house so we could have space and stop fighting all the time. Well, he dumped me and said he wanted to be single and spend time with his friends. We still talked and saw each other for a couple of days and about a week after he had dumped me he came over to my house and told me he wanted to try again and see if we could work it out. I was ecstatic, I did everything that he always said he wanted me to, didn't call and bother him about where he was, didn't insist of spending time together, ect. Well he hung out w/ me the night after we "got back together" and we ended up having sex. A couple of nights later I made the mistake of calling him my boyfriend and he told me he never meant we were back together? I didn't understand how we could "try again" if we weren't together or at least "dating" so he told me wanted us to be over, he had changed his mind. 2 days later he had a new girlfriend. Now he won't even talk to me, when I called him one night he let her get on the phone and say horrible things to me. But the other day I called him to tell him to get some of his stuff from my house and he told me that someone had told him I was dating. I lied and said, yes I was but refused to tell him who(since there is no one). Do ya'll think that by him asking me over and over again who the person is that I'm dating that it means he cares? I'm so confused because he's done this before, but last time it didn't last a month. I feel like somebody snatched the rug out from under me and I don't know what to do. I wander around my house in circles because I'm so used to being busy doing things for him. I would do ANYTHING to get him back, but I just don't now what would work. As far as NC goes, I started that Wednsday and so far its killing me. How do you stand it? Girl, I hear what you're saying. you need to let him go and never look back. Keep up with the NC. It's going to be the only way to do this. I was in a relationship for 5-1/2 years myself and now it's over. He cheated. I tracked. It was a vicious circle that just wasn't going anywhere. Keep your head high. You don't need him!!! There are better guys out there, just waiting for you! Let them in. See what you've been missing. That's what I'm going to do. . . .
Clevelandfan Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Yeah,..I agree with totallyconfused,...to add to that, I suggest that you sit as far up front in class as possible. I seemed to do much better in class if I did that anyway, Don't let him pull at your heart strings. He sounds like he is very undeserving and totallyconfused is right,..eventually he and his "new" girl will have to look at each other when they don't have the jealous ex drama to keep there little fling alive. Good luck to you.
Author BrknHrt Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 Thank you to all of ya'll. I have sat here at work today fighting tears and ya'lls words of advice have helped me so much. I'm going to try my best to keep up NC this weekend, but I will probably have to post on here and get some support before the weekend is over with. I'm so glad I found this board, ya'll are a blessing.
Clevelandfan Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Hang in there and keep your word to yourself. Stay strong with NC. I made the mistake of breaking it a couple times and man did I pay for it! It hurts going back to day one and really tipping your card hand to the ex-they feel empowered when you "react" to them. Try to really lose yourself in something this weekend if you can, not just doing something to stay "busy" I mean that's fine and dandy but in the back of your mind, you are still thinking about all the relationship stuff and know that you are just passing time. Remember how he was acting with that chick all over him and knowing you could see that. What an a-hole,..sorry but that is really inexcusable. If you truely have feelings for someone and love them, you wouldn't hurt them like THAT. Hang in there and post often, people on LS really are caring souls,..except westernxer,..(just kidding) He's just sarcastic as all hell. LOL!
Author BrknHrt Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 Thanks Cleveland, it's nice to hear someone say that the things he's done are crappy. Everyone else I know with the exception of a few loyal friends act like it's ok and he's not doing anything wrong.
Author BrknHrt Posted December 5, 2005 Author Posted December 5, 2005 Well ya'll, I made it the whole weekend without calling him. But, this morning my best friend e-mailed me and told me to check out my replacement's(the new girlfriend) myspace page...apparently (after only 3 weeks) her and my ex are "in love". I swear everytime I think I'm doing better something blindsides me and I'm back to square one.
Clevelandfan Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 I know how you feel. If he is in "love" that quickly, either he was cheating on you with this other woman or he is delusional about what "love" is and is trying to use someone else to forget the breakup pain. You know, a quick rebound. I'm with you though, my ex got engaged and moved in another guy within weeks of our breakup. Imagin how I felt. She had to have been cheating and I trusted her,..my mistake. She had to move him in so that he would pay her bills, she was like 3 months behind on her house payment and always hinting to me to give her money or co-sign on something so I guess this guy is falling for all of it since I wouldn't. Unreal! Anyway, so I know how you are feeling, he's being a jerk as usual I suspect, you and I both deserve better.
Author BrknHrt Posted December 5, 2005 Author Posted December 5, 2005 You're exactly right Clevland, I think that's what I keep forgetting, i DO deserve better and so do you!! I'm so ready to meet someone else and be happy. Hopefully it will happen soon!
Clevelandfan Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 Hang in there. In time the creme will rise to the top, you'll see.
jc Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Hey BrknHrt You sound like a nice, decent person. To be completely honest, he sounds like a big jerk. Even if he did come back, could you actually forgive him for letting his new girlfriend curse you out on the phone? I don't mean to sound hurtful, but he sounds like one of those guys who wants to have his cake and eat it too, ie. He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. As soon as he gets an inkling that you may have moved on with another guy, he's all over you. Forget about him and find someone else. As for NC, I can't give much advice on how to do this well; I've broken NC way too many times to try to give someone else advice on how to implement it. You will meet someone else though, someone much better than him.
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