RD37 Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I am moving toward breaking up here. I just feel as if after 3 years things have gotten stale and I am not in love with my gf anymore. This has all been forced by her upcoming move and my realization that I don't want to move with her. The last few days I have been a bit of a wreck: feeling sad about all our plans and dreams together that will never happen now, feeling as if I am abandoning her, feeling as if I might just be a bit depressed myself and looking for a change to try and jumpstart my excitement about life. In an ideal world, I would like to be able to say "I need 4 mos off to go and find myself, but I might be back", but I just don't really see this happening. I mean after all, at 29 and after 3 years if I am not in love, I guess I am not in love... Everything seems so messed up to me right now. I feel like I am the bad guy here when I am really just not sure that I can ever be the kind of boyfriend that she expects, not she the kind of gf I expect. I have tried to make this work and to be in love with her for almost a year or 9 mos, and sometimes I think I am, but if I were I think I would be more excited about spending time together rather than just feeling okay about that. The last few days I haven't felt that sad about not seeing her. It has been too much of a headache and pressure on me for too long, but I definitely feel terrible about hurting her and the loss of our dreams. I guess it comes down to the fact that our realtionship isn't working for me. I told her I would go and see a counselor, but to be honest, I don't really see that helping. I tried to picture any way things could change to make me happy while bing with her, and I can't. I need my freedom right now. It's just so damn hard to know if I am blowing it and screwing up something good that I will regret later...
omegaRED Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I feel for you. But pain and hurting someone you care about is sometimes inevitable. I was in your situation 2 years ago. Times spent together meant less and less, and slowly, it reached a point where i really didn`t care whether she was with me or not. It`s hard to admit it, but if this feeling you have is not something temporary, or not connected to some external factor (by external i mean problems at work, with family or somethin of that kind), then i`d say the love (or infatuation) is gone. You seem like a good guy, and i know how painfull it can be to break someone`s heart, a person you know is good and done nothing wrong, but are just not what you are looking for in a life partner. Sorry RD37... I think it`s time you put an end to it. Both for your and her sake. Just, please, don`t cheat on hear, jump in another relationship straight away, and don`t lie to her. You really, really gotta be honest. Tell her everything. Don`t try to be nice and spare her feelings. Don`t give her false hope. Just be honest, give her a clean break up. You`ll hurt her, that`s unavoidable. But do it like a man, like a person who respected her and cares about her. Don`t try to be her friend. It may work out, but not very likely. If you do regret it later... Well, we all make our choices and suffer the consequences. I broke up 2 years ago. I don`t regret it. I started going out with my current ex, who gave me the greatest 2 years of my life. The girl i broke up with is getting married, or allready did get married. I`m very happy for her, because she is happy and has someone who wants to be with her. It was the best thing for both of us. But don`t take everything i said literally. I`m just sharing my experience with you. You have to decide what is the best course of action. Don`t regret anything. Every thing we do makes us what we are. When it`s time to choose, choose wisely, but don`t regret it.
Author RD37 Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 I have told her about my feelings but we haven't come to any definite conclusion yet. We are going to counseling in a couple weeks, but she is pretty peeved at me...makes me feel terribly guilty, but that is what she has always done and is part of the reason I am pretty sure I am breaking it off with her...
CaliGuy Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I have told her about my feelings but we haven't come to any definite conclusion yet. We are going to counseling in a couple weeks, but she is pretty peeved at me...makes me feel terribly guilty, but that is what she has always done and is part of the reason I am pretty sure I am breaking it off with her... Her making you feel guilty will only serve to cause you to resent her later for using her feelings to manipulate you into staying in the relationship. Tell her you need your space and that your feelings MIGHT change for her after you've had some time apart, but if she pressures you into sticking things out she will DEFINITELY cause the demise of the relationship. When someone wants their space, as you do, the absolute *best* thing you can do is give to them. Anything else will most assuredly cause resentment and an even faster decline of the relationship. Best of luck.
dcchen Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 RD37... i am in the same boat...i've been seeing someone for the past year or so and at the beginning i thought she was so great..and i do still think she is great, but for some reason my overall feeling of her has changed. while i think we can be happy together, i dont know if thats enough..maybe i have too high an expectation on what being in love should be like. i feel horrible now..feel like everything i have said in the past was all fake or something..and i feel like a liar...full of guilt...anyway, not sure what to do now..we are on short break to sort out our feelings...
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