JoL Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 After much thinking, analysing and consideration i have had what you may call an epiphany. I have realised that every single time i meet someone new, i always get a "feeling" in my gut about them and their personality. I ALWAYS get an idea of a person in the first few meetings....i usually end up pushing these feelings to one side and continue to see the person- knowing full well there is something about them or the relationship that doesnt sit 100% well with me or perhaps at the begining is not even really something i'd consider an issue...oh but it becomes one..it always does. It could be something they have said or i have heard about them, the way i feel about them, an attitude they have, or a personality trait. In the begining i never consider these things to be an issue- but the more time you spend with someone the more these feelings intensify and the more they become an issue. And wouldn't you know it- my instincts are ALWAYS right. The reason i have broken up with every guy i have been with ties back to the first initial gut feeling i had about them or the relationship. Man, im 23 and just realising this now. I am not a stupid person, and yet i feel that i have ignored the very core of my being in ever situation and all it has done is get me heartache. So why am i posting this here? I dont know, i guess im going through another banging-my-head-against-the-wall-should-have-known-better situations and thought i would share with my fellow loveshackers. I've learnt my lesson and from now, that little voice in my head and the feeling in my tummy are going to be my guide, i dont want any more dramas!
Neptune Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Jol, You are right on target with your intial "feeling" or what is called intuition. I experiene the same thing. And I`m a guy. Just so it doesn`t get labeled "women`s intuition;) " When you first meet someone your emotions do not have a chance to overrule your instincts. Myself, I have moved foward with the relationship because there was nothing else going on at the moment with anyone. And frankly, just being lonely. It is interesting how after being in a relationship a while that intuition fades into the background and there is almost a process of denial that sets in.
a4a Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 there are multiple studies on first impressions......just google it. (hey that is a great new T-shirt idea) You have the flight or fight instinct built in. People give off certain signals and like it or not you pick up on these when you meet them for the first time. I would tend to agree that I fight first impression on a logical basis, try to make excuses for variables.... but overall 99% of the time gut instinct is right on target! a4a
Outcast Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I agree as well. Interesting, too, that if my first 'meeting' with someone is on the phone, I sometimes get 'gut instincts' that way, too, which also turn out to be right!!
Nur Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Intuition is indeed a powerful thing. In fact, many people's lives have been saved when they avoid a person who just "doesn't seem quite right" even when their logic is telling them there is nothing to worry about. Your subconscious ability to pick up on subtle gestures, movements, ways of speaking, or any of the other millions of tiny, unconsciously-recognizable stimulae is honed through thousands of years of evolution, and should most certainly not be ignored. Your instinct never gives you a signal without a reason, even if that reason is not logically apparent.
witabix Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Intuition is indeed a powerful thing. In fact, many people's lives have been saved when they avoid a person who just "doesn't seem quite right" even when their logic is telling them there is nothing to worry about. Your subconscious ability to pick up on subtle gestures, movements, ways of speaking, or any of the other millions of tiny, unconsciously-recognizable stimulae is honed through thousands of years of evolution, and should most certainly not be ignored. Your instinct never gives you a signal without a reason, even if that reason is not logically apparent. Yup, I'd back that up. I would also say thats it important to give off the right signals too. Its easy to be picked up wrong by some people, although its definately an evolution thing, peoples abilities in this area are affected by the kinds of experiences thaty have had. Reminds me of a Hindu story (Think its Hindu, maybe Buddhist, dunno) A man travelling from one village to the next comes upon a Wiseman travelling in the opposite direction. He asks the Wiseman, "What are the people like in the village you have just left?" The Wiseman replies with a question of his own. "How did you find the people in the village you have just left?" The traveller says, "They were rude and ignorant" The Wiseman replies "You will probably find the people in the next vilaage to be the same then".
SuperMonk Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Good advice. Go with your gut! If you don't feel like wanting to make a move on random girls, don't do it! If you don't feel like helping out, don't do it! If you don't feel like even dating a girl, don't do it! Another advice, if you an assertive person - or someone who is assertive enough you want to date with someone that is similarly as assertive - dating someone who is passive/shy is not going to work out! But your gut will tell you that! Peace, bros before hos always.
Author JoL Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 It is interesting how after being in a relationship a while that intuition fades into the background and there is almost a process of denial that sets in. I totally agree with that Neptune...i couldnt have put it better myself. It's so sad that it took me 23 years to figure it out! I definately get a gut feeling about someones feelings/intentions/ personality/morals/positive/negative attributes within the first few dates/conversations and due to sometimes feeling lonely, being on the rebound, boredom, attraction, we make stupid decisions to ignore out little voice and push forward. And then once we are in the relationship, the denial factor hits an all time high...and then when things blow up in our faces we are devestated and question "why did this happen to me!"...we are our own worst enemies!
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