caring guy Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Hi all I've posted before about my anxiety & depression problems & how they have affected relationships, also alcohol problems of which i'm attempting to sort. There's no doubt that my last 2 relationships were loving & good times were had & i missed them both terribly after the end. I grieved, cryed my eyes out, spent days in bed, thought about them in our good times, remember music we listened to together & it was all poignant. But i also know that i was desperate to get into another relationship asap as i felt alone & scared of being alone, like i'd lost a limb, a massive void of companionship that was gone. I wouldn't want to be back in a realtionship with just anyone, them yes, but there'd have to be some attraction & things in common, which makes me doubt wether it is relationship addiction, but i grieve to about the frightening prospect of being alone & not finding the right one! I feel i'd try anything out for the sake of companionship & having a partner, no matter how bad that sounds. Maybe the right one just hasn't arrived, i'm not that experienced & don't scr*w around, so i get attached & want to make things work with whoever i'm with, even when arguments & my illness has got in the way. Does anyone have any experience of relationship addiction?. CG
Outcast Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I think much has to do with fear of knowing oneself. You need to learn to enjoy your own company and to enjoy getting to know you before you can truly be ready to be in a relationship. You're still young, there are plenty of women on the planet, and they won't all die or marry while you spend time on you. Maybe try Dr. Phil's 'Self Matters' book to help you learn more about you. I found it was scary to do things like go to a movie or eat at a restaurant alone but I never wanted to be dependent! Don't you want to be a strong, confident person instead of someone who needs companionship to feel whole?
Author caring guy Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 Hi I don't want to be dependent either, i don't feel it whilst in the relationship, i just miss companionship vastly when it's not there. I'm in my early 30's & the relationships i've had have been major ones & fiew & far between, i've never slept around & get attached. I spent years alone & didn't like it, i got a taste for relationships & now feel i need to be in one, even though that may pass across to people, but i'm aware of that. I just miss her & what we did & must understand that not everyone gets emotionaly attached as me & can easily give it up, instead of trying to work on things as i do! cg
patwheel Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 One thing for sure, Now that you know what went wrong in this one, work on that for next time. Work on yourself, be happy with yourself again. And youll see, soon enough, youll be happy and attract happy people again! Chin up and stay positive!
Author caring guy Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 I know Pat, i just think each time i come out of a relationship, i think 'why was that one a learning curve for the next one'! Maybe thats always the case. It's raw at the moment & hurts, i have images in my mind of happy times, maybe i should have had more experiences long term & then it wouldn't hit as hard. I'd love to be in LA, a break in the warm sun is exactly what i need! I always get bad times at this time of the year! Thanks CG
patwheel Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 I know man, we've all been there. Breaking up hurts, every time. But you cant let yourself down, and you and only you can pick yourself up. Give it some time, dont rhuminate over memories, thoughts, and all that. Establish yourself some rules, like NC, what to do in case of bad thoughts, etc... LA is nice yes, just today, we got some rain gloomy season begins...
Author caring guy Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 Thanks I did some research on the net about codependency & dependency personality disorders & i think i have one! All this feeling low in confidence & lacking motivation, depression, fear of being alone etc! I'm not the type that just finishes relationships, i get close, too in deep & attached, i wish i wasn't as insecure as i am. I sometimes think i'll avoid relationships as i'm afraid of the pain & heartache of what would happen if it ended, but then i'd miss out on the companionship & sharing of experiences & all that goes with relationships! Jeez, love hurts!
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