Author smile95 Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 well we are LDR and actually not even dating anymore....just friends that say I love you. I know, weird. I have asked him to call me because I am having a hard time. THe fact that I asked and he has not is what hurts. I will not leave any message. He tends to run from conflict. But I may tell him if he does call that it hurt me that he was unable to support me. THis "friend" is causing more hurt that help. I have to just let go. Being his friend was my way of not letting go of him. Being friends to him was his way of keeping me on a string and throwing a crumb here and there. THanks for the advice...I cannot give the the benefit of the doubt when I have told him i needed him and he is just too busy traveling and working. Maybe I will leave one later saying that I am sorry to have bothered him with my issues and in the future will not count on him since he is so busy.
Fun2BMe Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Of all the posts I've read, this definitely warrants a NC from you to him. I don't think he even deserves to have you tell him off. That is not a friend from what you describe. No way...crumb here and there enough to keep you stringing along. I bet stangers and people you haven't seen in a long time have been more supportive than him. It will be in your best interest to no longer think about him or contact him. You are hoping that by being "friends" he will realize what you are worth and come to appreciate you more, be there for you more adn do all the things that he is incapable and refuses to do. Don't sacrifice yourself and hurt yourself again and again. I really have been where you've been and I know how hard it is to move on and let go. You can thank your grandmother for this last favor she has done for you to make you realize something for good hopefully.
newbby Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 well we are LDR and actually not even dating anymore....just friends that say I love you. I know, weird. I have asked him to call me because I am having a hard time. THe fact that I asked and he has not is what hurts. I will not leave any message. He tends to run from conflict. But I may tell him if he does call that it hurt me that he was unable to support me. THis "friend" is causing more hurt that help. I have to just let go. Being his friend was my way of not letting go of him. Being friends to him was his way of keeping me on a string and throwing a crumb here and there. THanks for the advice...I cannot give the the benefit of the doubt when I have told him i needed him and he is just too busy traveling and working. Maybe I will leave one later saying that I am sorry to have bothered him with my issues and in the future will not count on him since he is so busy. it sounds so similar to a ldr i was having. the same kind of thing but on a much smaller scale. he told me all these feelings etc but when i needed him he avoided me. i've been finding i'm accusing myself of being too demanding but i have to keep reminding myself its his problem. it is the same with you. similar situation, similar type, hates conflict, hates being needed yet found it perfectly reasonable to be needy himself.
Author smile95 Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 You can thank your grandmother for this last favor she has done for you to make you realize something for good hopefully. I do. I guess overall, I thought when it came down to me needing him he would be there. he is not. I was fooled. I know he will call and act like nothing happened. I am so mad that HE is consuming my mind at this time. All my family and friends have been great...there when I need them. He has done nothing. This opens my eyes, but it hurts most to know this is how he is. THanks everyone.....I am trying not to let this take over me. I guess I have to think of the big picture and that is that I do not want to be with someone like this.
Author smile95 Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 in a normal relationship, isn't a small amount of concern expected at a time like this? I was not asking for him to fly here or come see me. I wanted a little support. Isn't that what people who "love" each other do? Would you all be hurt if you were in my shoes? Am I being unreasonable to ask for him to return a phone call from thursday??? Shouldn't this wake me up? Would this be a deal breaker for any of you or am I over reacting? I want so much to put him in his place!!!!!
heartnsoul Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 You're not dealing with "normal". You're not expecting too much! You're expecting too much from HIM. This man has been displaying 'deal breaking' behavior for a long time! You're so much more than this! You have an ensatiable need for him to be something he's not. That's where the problem is. Stop yourself from thinking that he's ever going to provide for you emotionally. He can't. He won't. He lacks the fundamentals and you've gotta see that! If I told you right now that I was going to call my ex....what would you tell me? What has his (my ex) behavior shown to you (as an outsider)?
heartnsoul Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 You wanna know why I changed my phone number? Because I needed to take responsibility for my own problems. I've been obsessing (like you) about receiving word from him. You know what?! He did his deed. Althought it wasn't anything he said...it was all ACTION. His actions say...you're not a significant part of my life. With that, it becomes my (your) responsibility to take care of no.1 (you) I can't be mad at him for not wanting to be with me BUT I can be mad at his blatant attempt to ***** with my head. Get mad!! He's most definitely *****ing with your head but you need to take that ability away cuz he sure as shyt won't! You need to say NO MORE!
heartnsoul Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Give me this guys phone number!! Grrrrrr. I'm not mad at you! I'm feeling a little charged.
Author smile95 Posted December 4, 2005 Author Posted December 4, 2005 you are funny! Even if I did give it to you he would not answer!!! lol I guess this would not bother me so much if I did not just lose a family member. The fact that I did and he knows and he still ingores my attempts to reach him really hits hard. I know he will call and give me some excuse. Either that or he will wait til xmas to call me and think I forgot about this.....since he is an N, he has no clue that he is even doing anything wrong...all he sees is I am bugging him when I know he is working all weekend. I guess this is my time to step up and not take this anymore. This was very important to me. I am not so mad about other people(friends) that let me down, just him. I was almost a test and he failed. He is dead to me.
heartnsoul Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Good. When you speak of him, my reply will be 'who is this person you speak of?' me trying to make light of a truly sad predicament I have faith in you. Grieve and share love with the people that are worthy of you, your family.
Recommended Posts