Hot Coco Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Not everyone believes that the 'right reasons' for marriage are romantic/love reasons. Of course not. Just like not everyone really thinks it's wrong to be with a MM. And some people don't see anything wrong with robbing banks either. So what's your point?
scarletletter Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Coco...who knows why I made the decision that I did. My original post is on "am I looking for approval". I have made a lot of changes since then. My situation seems so much different than everyone elses in here, but the bottom line is...its adultry. I don't know why I am settling...probably b/c I am married and need something that is not there. Who knows?? I just wish that I hadn't fallen so hard.
Sami_D Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Of course not. Just like not everyone really thinks it's wrong to be with a MM. And some people don't see anything wrong with robbing banks either. So what's your point? My point was in response to RWD. My point was that a W is not a 'kept woman' just because the M isn't about love/romance. She's still a W, whatever the reasons for the M.
newbby Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 concubine, please ignore some of the ruder posts you are recieving. nobody here knows you nor has any right to judge you.
tinktronik Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Concubine, Hello, so your "off" this weekend. Im not kept, my man isent married. But I can certainly understand the appeal to be kept. I was too a dancer for a while, several years, and had offers to be kept, tempting, yes , but frightening too. I never took up on them. I do understand this though. When I met my man, I was broke , and young, in a going nowhere job(waiting tables in a tiny redneck town that I'd gotten myself stuck in).My man is much older than me 15 yrs older , much more experienced in life and made a ton more money than me. We live together and I actually have security in that we own our bussiness together ,and I now pull in at least what he makes on my own. However , we most likely will never marry ,and I don't feel as if it's something I will ever "need". I can certainly understand why it would be an advantage to be kept, I have friends in this situation ,some happy with it some not.The ones that are happy are going to school or working , and are specifically requested to further temselves by their MM. I asked one of my close friends what her situation was . She said that it is convienent for both of them, there is some attachment on her part but no love and that is understood from the start.She actually recives extra money on top of regular costs , and gifts , that she banks for that rainy day. IMO this strikes me as more civilized on the OW part because there is less advantage to destroying the marrige, things are made clear from the start, and to be honest , I know from my time as a dancer, some of the extremely wealthy guys who live this way have wives that know they live this way.Wives that accepted it as part of the "marrige package" that they married into.
RainyDayWoman Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 My point was in response to RWD. My point was that a W is not a 'kept woman' just because the M isn't about love/romance. She's still a W, whatever the reasons for the M. okay, i get that.......but in those cases a "wife" isn't any less a kept woman just because they sealed the deal and piece of paper says they are married. that was my point. and no, not everyone does marry for love, but that is what the point of marriage is supposed to be....or used to be anyway. kind of sad.
newbby Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 IMO this strikes me as more civilized on the OW part because there is less advantage to destroying the marrige, things are made clear from the start, and to be honest , I know from my time as a dancer, some of the extremely wealthy guys who live this way have wives that know they live this way.Wives that accepted it as part of the "marrige package" that they married into. interesting. so the wife is like the first kept woman and all the others are secondary.
Sami_D Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 okay, i get that.......but in those cases a "wife" isn't any less a kept woman just because they sealed the deal and piece of paper says they are married. that was my point. and no, not everyone does marry for love, but that is what the point of marriage is supposed to be....or used to be anyway. kind of sad. Well now I understand why you thought (on another thread) that I'm always responding to little points you make Looks like I do respond to the way you put things, and I wasn't even aware of it! But as I said on the other thread, it's not personal, so I hope you understand. If you don't want to read my responses, please put me on ignore (because I don't think I'm breaking any board rules). To respond to the point: I disagree. M has only in recent centuries come to be about love, and that only in particular cultures. Most of the world marries for far more pragmatic reasons.
nextel Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Sometimes the OW is more kept that the W, because OW has the burden of the secret and knowing that she will always be second. I say that if a person is ok with being a kept woman then thats fine. I actually think that, this is better than just being the OW who gets nothing from her MM but sex.
Author Concubine Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 concubine, please ignore some of the ruder posts you are recieving. nobody here knows you nor has any right to judge you. Thank you, newbby. U're very sweet I posted this thread to find others in similar situations... but to no avail. I'm really not trying to get approval from anyone coz i really don't care what people say--- They're nobody to me. Not an important part of my life at all. People will always have something bad to say about others. So whats new, heh?!
newbby Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 very true concubine. i'm sorry you havent found any others yet.
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 I say that if a person is ok with being a kept woman then thats fine. I actually think that, this is better than just being the OW who gets nothing from her MM but sex. Embarrassed to admit it, but I actually agree somewhat with Nextel's perspective. Our poster is certainly more financially savvy than your average married man booty call. And it sure beats dry humping dozens of horny strangers for chump change…or competing with $5.00 crack hos on the street. It's risky, though. At any time the financial safety net could be pulled out from under her. Particularly if the wife finds out, or a more qualified employee applies for the position. I think a man who regards women as rental property is more likely to swap the old model for a new one the moment he gets bored. (Our poster already mentioned there have been others.) In that case, our savvy professional might suddenly find herself homeless and unemployed. And without a signed contract, rental agreement, pension plan or unemployment benefits … she won't have a legal leg to stand on. The wife, however, will be entitled to property settlement, child support and perhaps even alimony. Not a bad trade-up if you're married to a jerk who's worth more to you GONE. Use this opportunity to get that education, Concubine. And quick! I imagine the sex industry is much like the modeling profession in that there comes a time when youth and looks fade and you must eventually seek employment elsewhere. Self reliance through education is the key to securing a better future and opening new doors of opportunity. It will also go a long way in bolstering your confidence and insuring that whatever happiness and personal fulfillment you find comes from within rather than at someone else's expense. Good luck, and don't lose your head to your heart!
Author Concubine Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 enigmaxoxo--- very good points!!! I hope i don't fall in love with MM... it's hard coz there's a certain attachment that i feel for him. It's the holidays now & I'll have to wait till i settle into my new place before i start applying for school.... wish me luck! School sucks but i don't have a choice now, do i ?!... Gotta do what i gotta do...
Author Concubine Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 Concubine, Hello, so your "off" this weekend. Im not kept, my man isent married. But I can certainly understand the appeal to be kept. I was too a dancer for a while, several years, and had offers to be kept, tempting, yes , but frightening too. I never took up on them. I do understand this though. When I met my man, I was broke , and young, in a going nowhere job(waiting tables in a tiny redneck town that I'd gotten myself stuck in).My man is much older than me 15 yrs older , much more experienced in life and made a ton more money than me. We live together and I actually have security in that we own our bussiness together ,and I now pull in at least what he makes on my own. However , we most likely will never marry ,and I don't feel as if it's something I will ever "need". I can certainly understand why it would be an advantage to be kept, I have friends in this situation ,some happy with it some not.The ones that are happy are going to school or working , and are specifically requested to further temselves by their MM. I asked one of my close friends what her situation was . She said that it is convienent for both of them, there is some attachment on her part but no love and that is understood from the start.She actually recives extra money on top of regular costs , and gifts , that she banks for that rainy day. IMO this strikes me as more civilized on the OW part because there is less advantage to destroying the marrige, things are made clear from the start, and to be honest , I know from my time as a dancer, some of the extremely wealthy guys who live this way have wives that know they live this way.Wives that accepted it as part of the "marrige package" that they married into. Well, maybe u could introduce your friend to this website so that i can have someone to relate to... Would greatly appreciate it, hun...
kkat Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Although I wasn't a "kept" woman, my MM was fairly generous with me financially. I was surprised when I became part of the LS community that this didn't appear to be the norm. I think part of it was due to my expectations - both about what I thought was going to happen with the relationship (e.g. him getting divorced/us getting married) and the assumptive behavior I exhibited as a result. I think in many ways he treated me like his wife...as a financial responsibility, among other areas of responsibility. I didn't depend on his money for survival, but our second go-round was at a time (like now) when I was (am) earning far, far less than I was accustomed to. His financial "gifts" allowed me to continue aspects of my lifestyle I would not have been able to; he also gave me lots of gift cards to my neighborhood day spa, to Saks, etc. etc. which allowed me to keep up certain habits and buy some clothes that I wouldn't have been able to. He gave me some cash "gifts" here and there as well, and some very nice presents. However....even as a person who was very used to being financially independent...I found myself swayed by the "security" of his financial aid, and I absolutely know I stayed (stay?? not sure if I'm in or out...) in the relationship because of it. I appreciate your thread because it reminds me that I need to be more careful and focused on fully regaining my financial independence, and not putting myself in a situation where I even think twice to stay/re-enter a relationship with him because of money.
Author Concubine Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 kkat--- I'm glad this thread helps u in your decision making. I do agree that once a person experiences the life of luxury... it's hard to "turn back into a pumpkin" again, if u know what i'm saying. U know, your story reminds me very much of my MM's ex-gfs. They all were pursuing their careers--- i'm the only one who does nothing. That's only for now(i think) since i'm enjoying temporary retirement. One them was a high-fashion model & the other was a struggling actress.(which is famous now). The actress was i think the love of his life! She just used him for his money & when she became famous... & he, btw left his wife 2 marry her... it didn't work out! So, he had to go back to his wife... & sworn never to leave his wife ever again! I personally think that the "actress" dumped him after she became rich! But i know that no man would ever wanna admit to being dumped... so he tells me that he felt guilty about his son. (yea rite!) More power to her... The "model" gf... well, MM said that he had to leave her coz she wanted a "child" with him... & is also "psycho" OR fatal. U know, one of those gurls who are the "very jealous" type. Too many fights, apparently. Anyways, i don't think any of them considered themselves as being "kept". But I on the other hand, have no shame... so, I'll say it as it is.... haha
BlancaNieves Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Concubine, I hope you're still out there... I am in the same situation you are about to enter, with a few differences. I didn't mean to end up as a kept mistress to a married man... it just worked out that way. Hotel bills were getting ridiculous, it's actually cheaper for him this way, but I do miss the little mints on my pillow... I'm 22 and have been in this situation with my MM (who is 38 now) since I was 18. He put me through college. I have always maintained my own employment even when I was studying and have saved quite a bit of money just in case .... in case the wife finds out or in case I get replaced (yep I'm realistic) or in case SH*T basically hits the fan. I started my own business a year ago and have been able to pump my profits back into the company and really see it grow. I can't say none of this would have been possible without MM because I'm an undercover feminist (hehehe) but it would've taken a whole heck of a lot longer. And right about now I would be sitting on some fat student loans instead of a burgeoning nest egg. I am an advocate for this type of arrangement if both parties are agreeable and not complete whack jobs. BUT, but, but! You must protect yourself! Every bill that MM pays is in my name, the condo is in my name, the car: yep in my name too. The worst he could screw me is just by not paying something, but I would find out quick, I would pay it (ok a little late but no big deal) and then I'd string his tighty whiteys up around the neighborhood trees. Other kept women I've known have had their utilities turned off and been evicted with no notice. They've had cars repoed and/or reported as stolen. Don't be blinded by affection, your position as his mistress offers you nothing in the way of legal recourse! I read some of your later posts about the holidays and I can relate. Holidays can be very lonesome times when you're the OW. My strategy is that I stay busy. I accept every invitation to every holiday party I can possibly goto. I do volunteer work, put in extra hours in my company, visit relatives. This not only keeps my mind from throwing daily pity parties during the "most wonderful time of the year" but it also gives me something to talk about when MM comes back from his holiday haitus. I have to say that I truly beilive that our situation has lasted as long as it has and has functioned as well as it does because I maintain my own identity. Nobody wants the pressure of being someone's entire social life, much less a MM who's already short on time... I'd love to hear from you
Author Concubine Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 BLANCA darling... Gosh... i almost gave up on this forum!!! Till i figured, hey why not check to see who else is talking smack to me.... and EUREKA--- i found your reply!!! U have no idea how happy i am to read your post! Finally someone brave. Okaayy... Blanca, i really really hope you're still on here too... coz i can't seem to privately message u... Yea, christmas is over... and now there's new years... guess wat-- I'm spending time with my gfs at big parties in las vegas!!! WOO HOO! And when i told my MM... he got kinda jealous. He told me to go "straight to bed". Hell no! haha... coz earlier the day on new years eve, i'll be seeing him. Then i'll be flying straight to vegas to RAWK IT!!! Poor MM would have to play monopoly with his kids on new years eve... Hope u'll have fun too... Keep in touch aight!!!
ashley83 Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Please, I beg you, if you can, go to college. Think about your future.
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