Sami_D Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 He's actually really nice. I know he gave both of his ex-girlfriends(kept women) a life-time-interest on some property so that they'll always have somewhere to live. They're apparently also included in his will... which drives me crazy coz I'm not. (only been in this relationship for 8 mths now). My suggestion would be... believe all that when it actually happens to you... don't let him pull the wool over your eyes with what you might be getting. That is, unless you have definite proof of what he's intimating. (and wills can be re-written)
Hot Coco Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Sami, I didn't really understand your post but were you ACTUALLY comparing a stay at home wife/mom with a prostitute/kept woman? PLEASE tell me I misunderstood and you weren't really saying that! If you did it's not only terribly insulting for those of us who ARE SAHM's but a REAL stretch!
Sami_D Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Sami, I didn't really understand your post but were you ACTUALLY comparing a stay at home wife/mom with a prostitute/kept woman? PLEASE tell me I misunderstood and you weren't really saying that! If you did it's not only terribly insulting for those of us who ARE SAHM's but a REAL stretch! Coco Well, yes, I WAS comparing those states... because that's what the thread seemed to be about, wasn't it..? I don't have any answers, to be honest... I was just musing.
Author Concubine Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 concubine, i'm sure the dancing must have got very tiresome. i hope you are happier now, but yes definetly make sure you are planning for your future now. can you go to school? does he dictate that much to you, whether you are allowed to go to school or not? Damn rite!!! wat a relief...(phew)... much happier these days... couldn't wait to get out of dancing... was wishing upon a star for a knight in shining armour... LOL Although i have to admit that it gets lonely sometimes... that's why I'm seeking friendship with someone with similiar situations... most of my friends think that I'm still single(coz i have been for the last 1 1/2 yrs!)... & da other half thinks that he's my out-of-town BF! Only dared tell ONE friend about my situation... coz i know that it's not socially acceptable... AND, when I have nothing to do, everyone else is busy working... sucks! I need a playmate... haha
Hot Coco Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 The thread is about KEPT WOMEN! I'm not a KEPT woman! I'm a WIFE and I'm a MOTHER. I'm my husband's partner in all things. Sami! I'm shocked that you don't know the difference! Must I explain it to you? Now, I know you're smarter than THAT!
Sami_D Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 The thread is about KEPT WOMEN! I'm not a KEPT woman! I'm a WIFE and I'm a MOTHER. I'm my husband's partner in all things. Sami! I'm shocked that you don't know the difference! Must I explain it to you? Now, I know you're smarter than THAT! Comparing... not equating..? Watch that blood vessel!
Hot Coco Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Blood vessels are fine, Sami. And there IS no comparison, in my opinion. It's insulting to say that there is.
Rodeogirl Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Honey, your lifestyle is about as low it can go. I'm appalled at you for saying that.stripping is not the lowest you can go sorry.
Rodeogirl Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Wife= getting bills paid , having to deal with his bs day in and day out, home alone with the kids, restless nights wondering if he is cheating since he has not phoned home yet. Mistress- getting her bills paid, sees him every now and then, they have an understanding that he will never leave his wife so she is content with that,she has her own life that does not revolve around him unlike the wife, no kids by him,she can go party, take trips and use this as a stepping stone...save some of the cash he dishes out as a buffer incase he stps one day..lol hmmm who has it better you make the call.
Sami_D Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 And there IS no comparison, in my opinion. It's insulting to say that there is. You cannot be insulted unless.. or something... It's possible to compare the two, without doubt. They're both financial, social and/or emotional relationships between a man and a woman. How can it NOT be possible to make a comparison..? You're making assumptions about my ideas on the subject, rather than looking at the idea per se.
Sami_D Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 hmmm who has it better you make the call. I think at base it comes down to how long-term it's going to be, and how honest the MM is. W has much more legal protection which does not depend on the 'good will' of the MM.
RainyDayWoman Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 i find it so ironic that no one seems to think the absence of love would help, at least partially, show the distinction between "kept woman" and stay at home moms. actually, i don't know that i even saw love mentioned on this thread. how very interesting.
Sami_D Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Good point, RDW. But if you think of women who marry for money or social position (or with some kind of expectation of infidelity), perhaps that's not such a hard line distinction. Especially since a Mistress may very well love and dote on her MM (very unfortunate position if he is looking at it in a different way... but then HE may have married for money, and use that money to keep a mistress he loves on the side).
JayKay Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Ideally, wife is a lifemate and equal partner in the marriage, irregardless of whether she stays home or works full time. Should the marriage end, the wife is usually entitled to half of the financial/material goods they couple has accumulated. Generally speaking, a kept woman or mistress is not an equal. She is dependent upon the man for financial upkeep and if her behavior or appearance is no longer pleasing, she can be 'let go' without any legal recourse. Now granted, there have been famous mistresses throughout history who kept their men enthralled and were granted a great deal of freedom. Typically though, I think a 'kept' woman has very little power and men enjoy the relationship particularly because of this.
Hot Coco Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Honey, your lifestyle is about as low it can go. I'm appalled at you for saying that.stripping is not the lowest you can go sorry. I actually wasn't talking about the stripping.
Hot Coco Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Wife= getting bills paid , having to deal with his bs day in and day out, home alone with the kids, restless nights wondering if he is cheating since he has not phoned home yet. Mistress- getting her bills paid, sees him every now and then, they have an understanding that he will never leave his wife so she is content with that,she has her own life that does not revolve around him unlike the wife, no kids by him,she can go party, take trips and use this as a stepping stone...save some of the cash he dishes out as a buffer incase he stps one day..lol hmmm who has it better you make the call. Well, in that scenario OF COURSE mistress. But you're assuming all wives have to deal with BS or and restless nights. Nope sorry. Not me. Sami, I cannot be insulted unless what? I said it's insulting...didn't say I was insulted. The IDEA is insulting. Silly me, Rainy. I guess I just took it for granted that wives and husbands love each other. There I go again living in a dream world! Sami, I agree with your point about women who marry for money or social position. They're just a little smarter than the "kept women." Smarter but still lacking in values and morals in my opinion.
RainyDayWoman Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Silly me, Rainy. I guess I just took it for granted that wives and husbands love each other. There I go again living in a dream world! i hear you, coco.
RainyDayWoman Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Good point, RDW. But if you think of women who marry for money or social position (or with some kind of expectation of infidelity), perhaps that's not such a hard line distinction. Especially since a Mistress may very well love and dote on her MM (very unfortunate position if he is looking at it in a different way... but then HE may have married for money, and use that money to keep a mistress he loves on the side). yes, but in that case, sami, they would be considered "kept people", especially the part in bold. that is not a real marriage for the right reasons.
scarletletter Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Just to give my "for what its worth" comment...I have never been or will be "kept" woman. I am much too independent for that. If it got to that point and the man still wouldn't leave his wife, I would have to say "get lost." I know, never say never, but I don't think I could live like that. I know someone who has and she was the most miserable human being that I ever saw. Every holiday alone...every Sat. night alone...it was pathetic. I know all situations are different, but hers was a nightmare. Luckily, she is out of it now. He was a married, very, very wealthy man in our town and she later found out that she was not the ONLY "kept" woman of his. Seriously, what kind of vitamins do these men take?????
Hot Coco Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Just to give my "for what its worth" comment...I have never been or will be "kept" woman. I am much too independent for that. If it got to that point and the man still wouldn't leave his wife, I would have to say "get lost." I know, never say never, but I don't think I could live like that. I know someone who has and she was the most miserable human being that I ever saw. Every holiday alone...every Sat. night alone...it was pathetic. I know all situations are different, but hers was a nightmare. Luckily, she is out of it now. He was a married, very, very wealthy man in our town and she later found out that she was not the ONLY "kept" woman of his. Seriously, what kind of vitamins do these men take????? Vitamin V (Viagra!
scarletletter Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Good point Coco...I forgot about that one!!! Jesus....the world has gone nuts.
Hot Coco Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Good point Coco...I forgot about that one!!! Jesus....the world has gone nuts. I know. You're right BUT, we've got to make our own realities in a way. If the world is nuts, we should try to make our own little worlds as normal as we can make them. Whatever "normal" means to us. If you are happy in your world then I'm happy for you. As long as a person isn't hurting someone else and they can live with what they're doing then what can I say? I have no problem with that. It's the ones who hurt others, have no remorse that I DO have a problem with. I can not ever see it for myself. When I was single, I got hit on by married men all the time. But it was just out of the question for me. Not only because I did think it was wrong but I was really selfish in my younger days. That kind of arrangement would have never suited me. I wanted ALL or NOTHING! I thought I was smart enough, attractive enough to have it all. So for me personally, it was insulting if I was offered less than the whole package. So it's so hard for me to understand, even beyond the moral aspect, how women can put up with this shyt. You seem like such a bright and personable woman. Very honest and upfront. I like that. There aren't many people like that. I admire the fact that you're not defensive. I just don't understand with all that you have going for you, how you could settle like this. I haven't read your other postings so I don't know your situation. But anyway, YES you're right. What a crazy world!
Author Concubine Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 Thank you, coco. I try to be honest myself when I want to receive "reality checks" & constructive criticism. I know that sometimes the truth may hurt a little... but I've learned that being in denial would eventually hurt even more! Been there & done that! Ouch... Well, I appreciate all the feedback I'm getting... BUT I'm still looking for that someone in my situation...???? Any takers??? Just wanted to let u people know that I'll be gone for my "honeymoon" this weekend wt beloved MM... Thus, keep on writing ... & I'll respond when I get back... don't want people thinking i was being rude wt my absence... CIAO...
Hot Coco Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Thank you, coco. I try to be honest myself when I want to receive "reality checks" & constructive criticism. I know that sometimes the truth may hurt a little... but I've learned that being in denial would eventually hurt even more! Been there & done that! Ouch... Well, I appreciate all the feedback I'm getting... BUT I'm still looking for that someone in my situation...???? Any takers??? Just wanted to let u people know that I'll be gone for my "honeymoon" this weekend wt beloved MM... Thus, keep on writing ... & I'll respond when I get back... don't want people thinking i was being rude wt my absence... CIAO... I don't get this. You say the truth may hurt. You say that being in denial would eventually hurt even more. You say been there & done that "ouch" and then you proceed to tell us that you're going on "honeymoon" with "beloved MM." Whaaaa????? Also thanks for thanking me but I was responding to Scareltt in my last post. And don't worry I don't think you're being rude with your absence...just terribly foolish.
Sami_D Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 yes, but in that case, sami, they would be considered "kept people", especially the part in bold. that is not a real marriage for the right reasons. Not everyone believes that the 'right reasons' for marriage are romantic/love reasons.
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