chuehh Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 My boyfriend has been working so hard at his parents’ restaurant. He used to have one day off, but now he works everyday (at least 12 hours per day, despite the fact that it’s not constant work). We live about 57 miles apart (one hour and 15 minutes drive one way when the traffic is good; two hours for rush hours). I understand how hard he works and responsible he feels for his job. I have never asked him to come to see me, but I voluntarily drive to see him once a week (sometimes twice a week). In order to be with him more, I have started working at the restaurant too for 2 or 3 days, staying with him, since this May. We work at the same restaurant but we don’t really be together, because we each have our own work to do. Still, it’s nice to work there with him. He is very domestic, does not feel like going anywhere, and prefers sitting in couch whenever he is off work. I know and understand that such workload for him is keeping him away from feeling energetic or feeling like doing anything. Long time ago once I asked him if we could go to an exotic restaurant, since we have never done anything unusual. He said that 40-minute drive was too far. That was the first time and the last time I have asked him to go to a restaurant I would like to go within 4 years of our relationship. When he used to have a day off, we sometimes could not be together either (1 out of 4 times). Now, he has to work everyday, non-stop. I was so excited about this past Thanksgiving, not because of the holiday, but because his official day off. His friends invited us for Thanksgiving dinner, which we went and had a good time. The day before Thanksgiving, my co-worker (my other job), who lives nearby me, asked me what my boyfriend and I would do for the Thanksgiving. I told her that we were going to his friend’s for the dinner. She said that if she had have known that he was open for dinner invitation, she would have invited him and me much earlier. When my boyfriend and I went to bed on the Thanksgiving night, I told him what my co-worker said to me. His response was, “Oh, it is just too far.” Then, 5 seconds later, he sensed that he slipped his tongue and added, “If you want to go, we would go.” I felt so disappointed with his first response. Thus, the second addition did not help. I have never asked him to go anywhere, except the only time I asked for going to that exotic restaurant, and except once we did go to a park I wanted to go 30-minute away in the beginning of our relationship (yet he felt bored at the park and wanted to go indoors). I let him decide where to go whenever and wherever he feels like doing or going, because “where” and “what” don’t really matter to me, as long as we are together. Plus, the places I would like to go, he is not interested in at all. Thus, I felt very sad about his response “it’s just too far.” I did not say anything but just tried getting some rest. Everywhere is too far for him, except his decisions to go somewhere himself. I felt that it’s unfair that he could drive 20 hours one way to spend 10 days for Christmas with his former girlfriend, and could plan a trip (14 hour drive) with his co-worker for a two-day vacation taking me with them, although they did not go. Neither has he never planned anything for just him and me, nor has he had thoughts of doing anything for me. I did not respond to his text message the next day, for I felt sad and did not feel like sending him any text message. He called me, and I told him that I felt sad about what his response. He was puzzled about my reaction, and said, “I told you that if you want to go, we would go, then.” He did not think that it is a big deal at all. Two days later, when I went to see him, I looked sad and started complain with a cracking soft voice about his not being thoughtful enough to even drive one and a half hour to see me (I was referring to having thanksgiving dinner with my co-worker as a hypothesis), since I am always the one who drives to see him. I questioned him why he can always do things for other so easily and so voluntarily, but never for me. He got so mad (the first time he ever got mad at me) and said with a bitter tone, “OK! FROM NOW ON, I WILL GO TO SEE YOU, OK!!!” I then told him that I was not going there to argue with him, but just tried to express my feelings and communicate with him. With a calm tone, I asked that if I could not even express myself or communicate with him, what is left in this relationship. I went to bad then. He still watched his TV shows without any moves. One hour later when he was done with his show, he went go bed too. He put his arm around me. I felt a little better, and asked him if he wanted to say anything to me, or if he felt sorry. He said that he had nothing to say, because he did not do anything wrong. Although this event already was past, and we are back to our normal states of mood, I just would like to ask any viewers who read my post if I am too psycho, and he is supposed to feel ok that he does not need to do anything but me. A relationship is something about give and take. Although we are ok every time after conflicts, it is a cyclic problem that I feel that he does not want to put effort. I understand that I need him more for the emotional support than he does, so I am willing to put effort than he is. I should not ask him to do the same for me (and I don’t), but am I wrong to express my feelings and complain to him?
SuperMonk Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 I think you have every right to complain about the things he does, and I don't think you're psycho either by writing such a long post without spacing it nor removing unrelated info to your question. I think he has taken you for granted, you can either dump him and look for another or just keep complaining.
mini696 Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 He's go t no respect for you, and his response is to get angry, because he knows he is wrong. Dump him.
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