Oyvey Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Been reading everyone's advice and could use some of my own. I've been seeing this guy who I've gotten intimate with in a very short amount of time. I have no doubts about his morals/honor/etc. because that kind of stuff is really important to him. Also, because he has refused to sleep with me until he's broken things off with a girl that he was seeing before me with whom he had a non-exclusive, but sexual relationship. He planned a big weekend out of town outing with her, his best friend and his date weeks before we met and insists that he has to follow through because he doesn't want to disappoint her and feels like that's the upstanding thing to do since she's been looking forward to it. The kicker is that he plans on breaking things off with her after the trip - as in Monday - so he can be with me. He says that he wants to date me exclusively (which means that he can then sleep with me), but only after the weekend. Worse still for me is the fact that although he promises he won't sleep with her (and I fully believe him since he hasn't slept with me despite numerous opportunities solely because of his agreement with her) he says he can't promise that he won't hookup with her. Mind you, hooking up with no sex can mean all kinds of things in this guy's world. It's really ironic that this guy's efforts not to hurt this girl's feelings and to remain the 'good guy' is actually doing the opposite thing by hurting me. I feel like he's essentially putting the importance of her feelings above mine, although I'm thoroughly convinced that he doesn't see this - he can be a little unaware that way. He's a really great guy - funny, smart, tender, etc. but I just don't think I can let this go. Some friends tell me that I can't make any demands of him so early on and that I need to let him make his decision about it and not punish him or be vindictive about it. But another friend says that if he wants to be exclusive with me and if he's as in to me as he constantly claims that he wouldn't want to wait until Monday. I agree that I don't want to be the ultimatum girl, but I'm also annoyed that I'm in a situation where I need to issue one. I simply don't feel that I can compromise myself by willingly accepting that the guy I'm almost sleeping with will be with another girl this weekend. I feel like he needs to know how strongly I feel about it and that it's a possible deal breaker for me. I don't feel that this is punitive or vindictive, simply the way I feel. I have high standards for the men I date, but this one seems like a no-brainer despite the amount of thought I've had to put into it. Part of my problem is that I sense that he doesn't really get that this upsets me or how bothered by it I really am, despite numerous discussions. I'm supposed to see him tonight and I need to bring it up, but I don't want him to feel ambushed or blindsighted. Any suggestions about how I can give him fair warning before tonight that I want to talk about it? Should I send an email, give a call? He's got a very demanding job and I hate to bother him at work, but I'm supposed to go over to his place at 6 for dinner and he thinks everything is hunky-dory. I'd love any other opinions about the larger issue as well. If you're really that into a girl, would you want to wait until Monday or would you want to be together immediately? Thanks!
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