random tears Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I need male advice for this one: Have you ever Hid your male friends from your girlfriend? as in, you have a really close male best good friend that you have known from childhood (or a really long time) she has met a couple of times before, but now when he comes into town, you dont let her know he is even there, and sneak away to hang out with him, telling your girl that you are working or whatever, and when he calls on the phone, and your girl is around, you have ignored his call, or have taken it when she wasnt in the room??? or How about a close male friend that that you met through work and hang out with occasionally but she takes objection to, so you outright lie and say that you hate him and that you dont hang out with him anymore but yet a couple a days later she calls you and can hear this friend that you hate so much in the backround? I am real curious to hear these responses thanks!
JadeStar Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I'm not a male, and I have never "hid" anyone, man or woman. I would say given the info you have just posted, if it were me I would assume hes hiding this other man because maybe he has another 'lifestyle" you're not aware of? Jade
lilmoma1973 Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I'm not a male, and I have never "hid" anyone, man or woman. I would say given the info you have just posted, if it were me I would assume hes hiding this other man because maybe he has another 'lifestyle" you're not aware of? Jade Definitely doing something he shouldn't !!! Is it possible he is gay? I would want to know ...
witabix Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I have had friends my SO's didn't like, but I still hung out with them, just without my SO. Its no biggie, but 'hiding' them, that sounds a little wierd to me. Never heard of anything like it before. I would wonder about why a guy would do that, makes me think of pink gins and mincing.
Author random tears Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 I agree with everyone here 100%............ Its flippin strange to me, and it is starting to freak me out...maybe he is bi???? I mean, why wouldnt I be apprised of this situation??? I have met this guy b-4, we have gotten along well, I dont get it......UNLESS... There is only some saving grace that permits me to think otherwise, and that is maybe he thinks that if I knew his friend was in town, I would then be aware that he is not really working when he says he is working, that he is out hanging with him at bars or so on......AND thanks to his big mouth, he has told ALL of his friends that I am a jealous crazed person, so maybe they told him not tell me they are in town because then they wouldnt be allowed to have male bonding strip club bar club moments, you know.... OR........ Maybe, just maybe those guys have sisters or slutty girl friends that are constantly around and if he went out with them he would have to tell me that he was going to be with them and I would ask to go along (due to sheer boredom of cleaning the same spot on the floor day after day) and that would ruin his chances to appear single to the sisters or slutty girl friends..... Then again...... Maybe he is just bi...... Either way, hiding friends is just plain weird to me, and even weirder still is not answering the phone when this best friend calls unless he told him that we are not seeing each other anymore so everything is fine if he is dating his sister or his slutty girl friend........ He gets a little crazed when I confronted him about the whole bi situation.....he was sooo pissed and told me to NEVER talk about that again....soooooooooo......hhhhmmmmmmmmmm
JadeStar Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I have read this post as well as your other 2, and I have to ask why are you with him? Hun, some of the stuff mentioned here and the other posts screams red flags! Red Flags for what, hard to say. Even if he was hiding this friend because he would be afraid you might say something, or find out he wasn't at work thats dishonest. He is doing things basically he knows you probably wouldn't approve of, which means he probably shouldn't be doing them anyway. After reading this about his male friend I thought that its possible also that maybe he is bi or gay. Maybe all the gawking he has been doing with other women, like at the club you mentioned in your other post, is a way to throw you off, to make you think he likes women, where as infact he may be into this other male friend. You also said when he was dancing at the club, he was pushing another guy onto a woman by placing his hand on her crotch, maybe he wants a threesome? I don't know its all speculation. I say if you feel the need to know, then try to get to the root of whats going on. Too me this sounds like a real hassle and a miserable relationship, your best bet is maybe to move on. Thats your call though, good luck in whatever you decide. Jade
lilmoma1973 Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 The man is cheating with someone else the red flags are all there from all the other posts i read please don't be so naive to what is going on it is if you have your blinders on!!! Good luck
RainyDayWoman Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 i would be wondering if the friend was actually male. there shouldn't be any reason to hide any friend at all unless something is going along with it that needs to be hidden. regardless of whether it is in fact a guy, is his friend, or is a woman--he's being decepetive, and that's weird, not to mention disrespectful.
Judas Christian Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I haven't read your other posts, so forgive me if I'm way off the mark, but this is just another suggestion that hasn't been made so far. Is it possible he thinks (since you said you got on so well with his friend) there's a threat of you and his friend getting along "too" well? Maybe somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks you might fancy his friend or his friend fancies you, etc? I don't know, it's just a suggestion. People do strange things for strange reasons sometimes, but something's up either way.
Author random tears Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 what are these red flags???? clue me in??? I agree, to me, hiding people, man or woman is just so strange. can anyone see how that might make me blow up or get angry from time to time?? especially because he DENIES that he is hiding them????!! I am sorry but if a friend of yours arrives to your town and had to drive 9 hours to get there, and then he is there for 5 days and for the whole 5 days you didnt even care what your chick was doing UNITL she found out that he was down there on the LAST DAY and confronted you about it and you actually LIED and said you didnt know he was down there......what is going on???????????????????????!!!! That is another thing, I have figured out how to tell when he is being deceptive about things...... Normally he is so freakin controlling about everything I do, from where I go to who I talk to on the phone, to money, you name it, but when he is doing something deceptive he could give a f about what I am doing.....in other words, he wont call, he wont answer when i call (btw we live together) if i say I am going 2 towns over to go flower shopping, thats alright by him, but the minute the deception has passed and is out of his system forget it...its prision again....
Author random tears Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 You could just have a point there.....I never did think of that one........hmmmmm let me think about it some more........ but its still wrong to be deceptive
JadeStar Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Red Flags AKA Signs, that something is not right. Hes hiding stuff from you. lying about it. Doesn't have alot to do with you. Says for you to not be jealous but its ok for him be jealous of you. Hes controling and manipulative in the things he says and does. He is changing his appearence alot. Taking more time to worry about his looks. Spends more time out or with "friends" he tells you nothing about. He gets defensive when you ask a question. He gawks at other women while at with you. He danced with another woman and man at a club. These are all red flags or signs that something is not right. Judas to have more understanding of her situation she has 2 other posts in cheating/flirting forum. It might make it a little more clear what may be going on. Jade
ThumbingMyWay Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 1. There is only some saving grace that permits me to think otherwise, and that is maybe he thinks that if I knew his friend was in town, I would then be aware that he is not really working when he says he is working, that he is out hanging with him at bars or so on......AND thanks to his big mouth, he has told ALL of his friends that I am a jealous crazed person, so maybe they told him not tell me they are in town because then they wouldnt be allowed to have male bonding strip club bar club moments, you know.... OR........ 2. Maybe, just maybe those guys have sisters or slutty girl friends that are constantly around and if he went out with them he would have to tell me that he was going to be with them and I would ask to go along (due to sheer boredom of cleaning the same spot on the floor day after day) and that would ruin his chances to appear single to the sisters or slutty girl friends..... have only read a few other posts from you....but I would lean towards #1, but your "male bonding" moments could be defined in #2. Cant appear single and flirt like he would if you werent there.
Moose Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Damn Judas.....beat me to it!!!! That's exactly what's going on.......IMO
JadeStar Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Damn Judas.....beat me to it!!!! That's exactly what's going on.......IMO So I'm assuming you read the other posts she made in the cheating forum? IMO I don't think its that hes afraid she might like his friend a little bit much. Theres other signs that point to something different, but thats just MO. Jade
lilmoma1973 Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 There is no way i would let my man act the way yours is .. He would be kicked to the curb in a split second!! He wants his cake and eat it too and expect you not to question it sorry that **** don't fly with me !! Wake up he is cheating !!! He is too defensive!!!
Moose Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 So I'm assuming you read the other posts she made in the cheating forum? IMO I don't think its that hes afraid she might like his friend a little bit much. Theres other signs that point to something different, but thats just MO. JadeI don't think so. The fact that she's posted about his cheating only reinforces my suspisions. I know this type......trust me on this! My college roomate was exactly the same way! He'd run around on his women, while at the same time, I was being the one hid away from them. It's classic! He wants his cake, and eat it too......
JadeStar Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I don't think so. The fact that she's posted about his cheating only reinforces my suspisions. I know this type......trust me on this! My college roomate was exactly the same way! He'd run around on his women, while at the same time, I was being the one hid away from them. It's classic! He wants his cake, and eat it too...... dayummmm......to the OP the bottom line is I think you need to re-evaulate why you're in this situation. And possibly get out of it as soon as you can, its just seems like a bad situation all around. Jade
confusedgeek Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I guess Ill reply to this one. I dont have a girlfriend or anyone special like that. I'm 27 yrs old and Im still waiting for that special girl someone to call me back. But I keep browsing this forum and see that a lot of people have a lot of similiar situations like myself. This isnt advice, just more of how similiar it is to my situation. I do have a lot of male friends, not any female friends. I've never been good at talking with women. It just seems so complicated. Im pretty much a loner. But I do keep my friends a secret from my family. Sister, parents, and related by blood people. Even though I have known them for a really long time, I never invited them over for Christmas, Thanksgiving, or any family holidays where they can meet my relatives. I do go hang out with them every other week or so to play video games, go watch movies, talk about our favorite comics, eat out, travel out to conventions. So, i'd say I go out to hang out on a relatively constant basis. I guess what Im saying is that I like to keep them seperate from my personal (family) life, if that makes sense. Even though they are my only friends, I don't tell them problems I am having because I dont like putting my problems on other people. That includes family and friends. Another reason, I dont tell my family about my friends is well, I want to avoid any problems that it may cause. Suppose my family didn't approve of my friends. And see where that goes. I can imagine what your going through right now is exactly what my parent and sister is thinking about myself. But I rather have them thinking about questions than knowing about what I really do. Im not sure if my situation helps out with yours, but it seems awfully close though.
Author random tears Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 I have never heard of hiding out friends either way......It could be a jealousy factor on his end.....maybe....but what about the other things?? I mean, the guy is in his 30's, shouldnt they be beyond game playing and extreme jealousy by now, at that age??? And I am worried because if i start pulling the same junk he pulls, ie showing up 2 hours later, hiding MY friends, (if i ever make any) and basically acting like a selfish prick, he would be sure i was cheating and kick me to the curb....
confusedgeek Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 Im probably not the best person to ask about these relationship questions. I have never been in one. But just because he doesnt tell you what he's doing doesnt mean hes trying to hurt you. I mean, he's in a relationship with you? That has to count for something. If I was in a relationship with someone, I wouldnt want to hurt that person. I dont think hes trying to make you jealous. As a guy, there are things I dont like telling anyone. Thats what I am guessing here.
NYCmitch25 Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 I need male advice for this one: Have you ever Hid your male friends from your girlfriend? as in, you have a really close male best good friend that you have known from childhood (or a really long time) she has met a couple of times before, but now when he comes into town, you dont let her know he is even there, and sneak away to hang out with him, telling your girl that you are working or whatever, and when he calls on the phone, and your girl is around, you have ignored his call, or have taken it when she wasnt in the room??? or How about a close male friend that that you met through work and hang out with occasionally but she takes objection to, so you outright lie and say that you hate him and that you dont hang out with him anymore but yet a couple a days later she calls you and can hear this friend that you hate so much in the backround? I am real curious to hear these responses thanks! Wuss! LOL Why hide it ? Are you a homosexual cheating or are you just trying to avoid dealing with the gf being jealous or always tagging along? I say tell her and also tell her that you don't want her to be a part of it if thats how you really feel..
Walk Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 I didn't read the posts in cheating forum, so I'm going off this thread... I know my bf will ignore his best friends calls when he's around me. He does some weird stuff like what you're talking about. His best friend will drive 9 hours to come see my bf, and I might learn later that the friend was up. Sometimes he says he blew him off, sometimes he'll tell me later they hung out. Bf always puts his voice mail on speaker phone, but will delete the messages from best friend without listening to them if I'm around. The reason my bf acts this way, his best friend is a closet homosexual, or bi, who is desperately in love with my bf and is trying his hardest to get us to split up so the best friend can have my bf to himself again. (bf not gay or bi, and slightly homophobic.) Every time bf mentions me to best friend, it sets off a new rant on how evil I am, and how my bf should dump me and move to best friends city, and live happily ever after. I'm my own personal soap opera. The point I was trying to make is you have to look at the big picture. If you take all of your boyfriends actions and put them together, they spell disaster. I trust my bf, therefor it's no big deal to me. When I asked him about his actions with best friend, he explained calmly and sanely. I really don't think you should stay in your relationship. (easier said then done) Girl, I'm scared for you. Best case scenario he's just hanging out with the guy, but the lying and deception is too extreme. You're really putting your health at risk here. Both physically and mentally.
confusedgeek Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 Hello again. I thought this was the first post on the subject. Then I double checked your other posts using the search feature. It turns out this isn't all that was happening. There seems to be a lot of missing facts not posted in this thread. There are 7 posts on the subject. - A language barrier (Spanish and English) - A culture issue - Quite a bit of snooping on his personal belongings - controlling tendencies - staring at other women - grinding against other women when dancing - personal space issues - trust issues - gay issues - jealousy issues I apologize for posting previously without having all the facts. All the posts in this thread have been negative ones for this guy and then I started to ask myself, "was my previous posts wrong?" I'm not sure if I am doing the right thing here posting again, except to clear my name and thoughts. There seems to be faults on both sides of the relationship here. Im not qualified to solve your problem, but I can hope my thoughts can make a dent somewhere so they will be useful. - I could never imagine to control someone I like. - I would have to trust this person that I do like. - I wouldnt like my girlfriend (assuming I ever get one) to be snooping through my things. - Being a guy myself, if i saw a pretty woman walk by, its really hard not to stare. I can imagine the self restraints Id have to pull to not stare at a pretty girl if I do (ever get) a girlfriend. - I wouldnt like it if someone was checking on me all the time. - Grinding against other women dancing if I had a girlfriend. I wouldnt do it. Perhaps its a culture thing? - I'd really doubt this guy is banging someone other guy. But youre the only person who can answer this question. It doesnt sound like he is cheating. But he has some bad features like being in control and being jealous. On the other hand, Im reading from the other posts, you went through his stuff, and you seem to always want to know whats on his mind. Is it wrong not tell your girlfriend everything? I want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. But are you happy?
Author random tears Posted December 1, 2005 Author Posted December 1, 2005 Yes, there are more issues surrounding him and i, but I chose to leave out the other ones such as the barrier because this is something that I know we both have to work on...still, since those posts our communication is 85% better due to learning...... But you all are on to something here......I see all of your points..... CONFUSEDGEEK: I am no saint, thats for sure, I wasnt exactly going for a model citizen of the year award here, I just wanted to figure out what he was hiding all the time. I was snooping through his stuff, no its not right, its completely wrong and selfish of me, this much is true.....but i got tired of the half truths and sitting around waiting for him to suddenly start being honest with me.....at that point in my life i wanted to leave, I didnt feel he was being honest with me about ALOT of things and my pride and feelings were suffering greatly....not to mention my self esteem and how i looked to other people, as the weak chick who was believing all of his nonsense.....He wouldnt tell me NOTHING about his life, NOTHING, from who was calling, to what he did that day, to why I kept finding inconsistencies with what little he did tell me.......the suspicious activities, everything just got to me so I decided to "snoop" for myself......since then, I know better and dont even bother to do this now. Something you said made sense to me as well....you said that I "always seem to want to know what is on his mind" and "is it wrong not to tell your girlfriend everything" Maybe I need to stop wanting to know what is on his mind.....but when he is not telling me anything, I have nothing to go on......I am going to think more on this, because its somewhat true...... WALK: Your situation with the gay friend of the boyfriend could possibly be what is going on with me in at least one instance......it does seem like one of his friends that he hides away doesnt like me too much.....perhaps my man has told him too much history and now his friend thinks that we shouldnt be together and therefore berates him........ NYCmitch25: I am the girlfriend here......looking at that particular post I could see how you would mistake it, but I was talking in 3rd person.... MOOSE: Your college roomate was cheating on his girlfriends but hiding you out so you wouldnt get a stab at it so to speak, or so you wouldnt say anything to them or........... JADESTAR: You have been there from the get with all this crap and I thank you for still sticking around and putting in your wisdom and insight as well as support
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