pumpkinhead Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Well I have been reading for this forum for a while now So here is my intro and I need some advice please! Is it too much to ask for the basic necessities of life? My tenth anniversary is coming up with my husband. We were married at a very young age, I was 17 he was 21 at the time. During dating my husband worked for a few different companies, once enrolled in police academy and dropped out. Once went to a technical college and dropped out. As soon as we were married he quit his fast food job he had at the time. For the past 10 years, it has been one thing after another with his jobs. Examples include he has had over 40 jobs in the past 10 years, lies about paychecks, and schedules. Is it too much to ask him to work and to keep a job? I don’t even care about what type of job he has as long as he has one. He could work at McDonalds as far as I care. As long as, he is helping me to provide for our three children. I have been working since I was 16. The only time that I was not employed was when I was pregnant with each of our three children, or I was enrolled in college going as a full time student. I did manage to obtain my BS in Communications and my Associates in Science. Since College I have been working part time. Majority of this time he did not work, he did not have a job when our first 2 children were born. The financial strain over the past 10 years has been horrible. I feel like I can’t take any more of this. Sometimes I think I would be better off by myself without him. We now live in public housing, receive food stamps, basic medical, and monthly cash assistance to help keep us afloat. I have done everything I can think of to help him, I have begged, and pleaded for him to step up and take responsibility. Yesterday, I found out that he was fired from his job. I had to call his employer to ask them if he has been asking more hours like he has been telling me. He lied to me and told me that he was still employed even though he has been only getting like 5 hours a week for the past month. His boss told me he was fired last week. So, I took his clothes and threw them on the front sidewalk. He came home, saw his stuff outside and refused to leave. I called my father for back up purposes. My husband ended up leaving voluntarily with just a few belongings. He is supposed to come back this weekend to get the rest of his stuff. I have changed the locks and called my attorney to file divorce papers. Im not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be! I have made my fair share of mistakes in this marriage. I just cant live my life like this anymore, I need a change. Im tired of wondering where our next meal is coming from or when the elctric will be shut off! Am I in the wrong?
westernxer Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 You married a loser. Too bad you didn't see this earlier, but experience will fill the gaps when wisdom fails. You have a degree... make the most of it. Can your family help you out in the meantime?
Tiny Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 You married a loser. Too bad you didn't see this earlier, but experience will fill the gaps when wisdom fails. You have a degree... make the most of it. Can your family help you out in the meantime? Westernxer, your advice is short and very concise, and all too accurate what more can one add, except maybe, some people are blinded, untill the cloth is pulled from there eyes ffs
Author pumpkinhead Posted December 1, 2005 Author Posted December 1, 2005 Thanks! I know i have made the right decision now...just looks like it will be tough for awhile.
dgiirl Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 pumpkinhead, I've read that this is a very common complaint. Woman need financial security to feel loved. Do you really want a divorce or do you just want him to grow up and get a job? If it's the latter, pick up the book "The 5 love languages", and go to marriage counselling asap. It's good that you kicked him out. He'll hopefully now see the severity of his actions, and if he values the marriage he'll change. But dont file for a divorce out of anger. Make sure it's something you really want to do, and i think the best way to know that is knowing you tried everything else first, ie counselling.
Outcast Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 Why does he lose jobs? Does he have trouble following instructions? Does he resist authority? I'm asking because a lot of people with a long history of job troubles often have learning disorders or conditions like AD/HD and can be helped to learn to function more productively. His history of getting into academic programs and dropping out are also typical of people suffering from disorders. It might be well worth getting him a proper diagnosis. Too many adults with disorders are considered 'losers' as others have said and, essentially, throw-away humans when really they could be very productive if only they had some help. So if you have any care left for him, perhaps it would be worth investigating this.
Author pumpkinhead Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 Why does he lose jobs? Does he have trouble following instructions? Does he resist authority? I'm asking because a lot of people with a long history of job troubles often have learning disorders or conditions like AD/HD and can be helped to learn to function more productively. His history of getting into academic programs and dropping out are also typical of people suffering from disorders. It might be well worth getting him a proper diagnosis. Too many adults with disorders are considered 'losers' as others have said and, essentially, throw-away humans when really they could be very productive if only they had some help. So if you have any care left for him, perhaps it would be worth investigating this. His problem is the motivation to go to work! His employers have always complimented him on his work, its just all the call-offs that get him into trouble. I do beleive he is ADHD because in High School he was in a learning disability class.
phrekmon Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 The special class he was in didnt throw up any red flags ? Sorry for being so cynical, it just doesnt seem as though he cares about you or your children, I mean you say he's able but just not willing to provide even basic needs for his family.(Is he drinking or into drugs ?) Do you have family that you can turn to ? I wouldnt lean on his Dad though, it is his son no matter how he comes across to you. Take care of you, Dennis
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