francis Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 hi there everyone, i'm just having a rant through my frustration and confusion during this mixed up time 6 months ago today, my ex broke up with me. In the mail today, i received two huge packages from him. Presents, a CD of a local singer he knows I love, some sweets and drinks not available in this country that he knows i love and even worse, two cakes which are known locally in his country as 'wife cakes'...he used to buy me these saying that they are for me as his 'future wife'...he brought some over to me when he flew to see me last January before we broke up. I am sitting here feeling as if its almost like nothing has changed. its gone back to before, when we were still together, and he used to send me gifts. except now he doesnt write 'i miss you like crazy' on the note inside. emotionally, he has shut down totally. should i ignore this? in the NC rulebook, do i ignore this? is he just trying to be a 'nice guy' and absolve his guilt? or is he just a wimp? so, so confused about his intentions. when i asked him a month ago how he felt, he just said that all he wants is for me to get my degree.
jacked17 Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 What was your breakup like? Did he dump you or was it mutual? It seems kind of odd he's sending you gifts like that. Do you know if he's dating anyone else?
Author francis Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 thanks for the response Jacked. the breakup was sad, we were LDR for almost two years, he cited the distance and that the relationship was too demanding. i wanted to keep going but in his words 'he gave up'. contact has been pretty regular. my fault, so i dont expect any sympathy. i havent ignored his emails, it was difficult because his father was diagnosed with cancer recently. i have no idea on whether he is dating any one else. he hasnt mentioned it, and he doesnt ask if i am.
Skeered Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 From him saying that he just wants you to get your degree are you sure that he's not just putting your needs first in thinking that he may have been a burden to your learning. If that's the case then he sounds like a thoughtful guy. I think that maybe he is hurting as well but wants you to have a clear head to graduate. I would say thank you for the gifts and tell him how your doing in school..also I would tell him your feelings and see where he takes that. NC is fine to heal however it might be that he is missing you too and wishes for you to not forget him.
Author francis Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 i actually mentioned the possibility of a reconciliation with him following graduation. that was when he responded with 'i dont know what to say. what we had was amazing...i'm sorry that you have to go through studying alone (without him he means)i just want you to get your degree'. basically, he won't discuss it any further. he knows how i feel i think. i havent hidden that from him. he actually offered me financial support too, cause he knows i am short on money being a student. the problem is that i find myself waiting to hear from him, my heart leaps when i get an email from him. its like a balancing act right now. sometimes his emails are really short and curt, as if he is afraid to over step the boundaries of friends. when i withdraw contact, he is insistent to maintain the contact, with emails of 'how are you? hope you are coping ok'. its just far from being over. there is no committment, no promises, no assurances of a future together. i just wish it was more defined and clear cut. is it over or not?
Skeered Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Honestly right now..concentrate on your studies..get through your schooling..keep everything on the level of friendship. If you happen to find someone along the way then you will know that what you had was not meant to be...but I am a firm believer that that which is to be will be. Don't put too much thought into what's going on just enjoy emails and be friends, don't look for underlying meaning. Get through school that's FIRST and foremost.
Author francis Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 thank you skeered, for the sensible advice. it means a lot. i will try to enjoy it for what it is, not dwell too heavily on it anymore. the biggest thing is not to place too much hope on it. it comes in waves i suppose. mostly it just hurts not to be able to be with him. time will tell if we are meant to be. i agree. he may find someone else. someone who can offer him more than i can. to be honest, i wouldnt want to deny him that happiness. meanwhile, i will get my degree under my belt and see what the future brings.
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