Amyjk Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Two months ago, my fiancee of 1 yr. broke up with me. We're not kids, we're both 48 yrs. old and we both suffer from hepatitis-c. We met on a hep-c website and fell head over heals and got engaged within a month. We had a lot in common and we were really good together and he treated me like a queen. The only problem was that we lived 3 hours apart. Despite the distance, we still saw each other almost every single weekend and were very happy or so I thought. A couple of months ago, he started acting kind of distant and when I questioned him, he admitted he was having second thoughts and wasn't sure what he wanted. He said he needed to find himself and that it was just too much hassle to drive back and forth every weekend. So we broke up. I was devastated! I thought he was my soul mate?! We had very little contact in the last 2 months and then he called me this past weekend and wanted to get together, just to see how I was doing. So I agreed to meet him. Well next thing you know...we ended up in bed and then he suggested that maybe we should try to work things out and just take it real slow this time. And then he tells me that he's been out on a couple of dates, but they didn't work out. He even told me he liked the one woman, and wanted to go out with her again...but she didn't answer his emails. I think he's just feeling rejected...But he claims it has nothing to do with his wanting me back. He said he really missed me and that he still loves me. I think he broke up with me with the intention of finding someone better and within closer proximity and it didn't work that way and that he is just lonely. I don't know what to do...I am so confused!! I still love him, but he hurt me really bad!! He broke my heart!! I was just starting to get over him, when he called. And I do agree with him that having a long distance relationship is really hard. My heart says to give him a second chance, but my logic tells me no. But he is by far the best guy I've ever been out with, and men like him are hard to find. Has anyone been in this kind of situation where it worked out?? I'd apprecitate any advice!! Thanks!!
Cupcake Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 It doesn't seem like he's asking you for a second chance. He clearly told you that he wanted to be with someone else and that situation is not working out the way he would like. So he wants to take it SLOOOOOOOOW with you now. Seems to me like he's saying you are just a side kick because he can't have who he really wants. At some point in the relationship with you, he lost interest. It's difficult to judge if someone will ever come back when they suddenly lose interest. But we all have second thoughts, especially when things aren't like we expected. The only reason he still matters to you is that you haven't found anyone better to replace him. Truly, I don't see this situation being positive for you. But depending on how strongly you feel about him, you may need to deal with him a little while longer until you see for yourself that he's not the right man for you. This is tuff love, but I had to learn it the hard way: if you are still considering going back to him, he hasn't hurt you enough yet. And only you can decide when enough is enough.
RecordProducer Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Sounds to me like you've shown too much love to him in the past year and at one point his independent nature felt suffocated. From the prince that was madly in love with you, he distanced himself instinctively in order to be able to "breathe." Finally he probably felt you were too clingy and he needed a break. He also needed a challenge (the one thing he has lost with you); hence dating other women. But then he missed you too much and decided to get back together. IMHO, what you hould do is act less like you depend on him emotionally. Give him space and use the space yourself. Say "no" sometimes when he wants to see you, hang up before he needs to go, choose to go out with your friends instead of him, etc. There is a lot of literature regarding this syndrome that women see as a wonderful emotional connection while men see their partners as too needy.
newbby Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 let him sweat it. tell him you'll think about it. let him chase you. its much more fun.
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