SMHappyface Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 When people break up, they cope in various ways. For example, when my ex cheated on me and left, I was devistated and immediately destroyed all his letters, pictures - EVERYTHING that reminded me of him. I won't answer his phone calls and I refuse to go anywhere I could possibly see him. Its as if I want to totally erase him from my memory. Even thinking of the good times hurt. Some people like to stop their life almost in the past - reliving the good times and pretending they never ended. My question I guess is this - what is your break-up style? And, do you think it is terrible that I want to erase my ex from my memory... I mean, is that healthy?
jayteresa Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I think you did great! But people end different relationships for a multitude of different reasons, bringing different results. I had an ex who cheated on me once with my best friend, I got over him quick enough, as I soon realised that he was not the one for me anyway. My best friend was F@d up at the time, in time I forgave her (took a few years!) And now I'm trying to get over my now ex, as she is trying to get over her ex. As what goes around comes around, her ex f@d on her too, soo she gets it. On the other hand I have never cheated, neither has my recent ex, so I am still in limbo. As for you, from your happenings no great loss, you are obviously lovely enough to know somthing much better is around the corner!
scobro Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Well I hope this doesn't happen to me often enough where I have a break-up style:rolleyes: I guess my "style" is to have nothing to do with them anymore No Contact ever
Author SMHappyface Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 *Sigh* I almost wish I had MORE stuff to burn of his. Even with me NOT contacting him and not seeing him, I feel like his essence remains - lingers like a rotting carcus. I wish there was a way to purge myself from him. It's driving me to almost insanity. Today I'm wondering around the house trying to rid my mind from the awful thoughts torturing my brain. Everything I looked at today reminded me of him. It's like my mind has a vice on it. I don't miss him, I don't want him, I wish there was a way to erase him from my head. I hate him. You might be able to throw away the physical stuff, but how can you get rid of the psychological and mental stuff?!
slubberdegullion Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 how can you get rid of the psychological and mental stuff?! Write all the stuff that bugs you about him on a sheet of paper. (Or maybe a ream!) Invite your girlfriends for a cleansing party, with much wine and nasty talk about the ex. Read the list aloud to your friends. Then, when the time is right, burn the paper and say, 3 times, "Bless and release." Blessing the good times you had, and releasing the bad. Then get more wine and cry. Note: Please don't burn the house down, ok?
Author SMHappyface Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 Slubber - you're hillarious. I have written, I have burned, and still the stench remains. I haven't tried the un-ending wine yet, perhaps that was the necessary key, hahahaha. I don't know if it is something I can delete like that. I mean if given the choice - would I want to get back with him? Absolutely not, but part of me DOES miss him. I want to be rid of that, to forget him, to not only get rid of the pain, but even the hate. I don't want to think of him - I wanna be like C who?
slubberdegullion Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 OK, try this technique. It's got some fancy psychoanalytical name, but essentially it's a conditioning technique (and it has nothing to do with hair). Put an elastic band around your wrist. Every time you think of him, snap the band so it stings your arm. Soon enough, you'll associate the thoughts of him with the sting on the wrist, and because people don't like pain (except for a few weirdos here and there) your brain with automatically short-circuit the thought process. It's also important to remember that this is a pretty recent breakup, and it will take some time to get over it. That's normal and natural and even healthy. So don't be too hard on yourself.
FataMorgana Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 that will take a while longer I guess. I can never totally forget any of my ex-s. What happenes for me is in time you think about it less and less and become less and less emotional when you think about it, but don't think you can ever totally forget. well, that's me anyway.
Author SMHappyface Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 Recent - yeah, I guess. He left with all his stuff over a month ago saying it was a break. He told me that it was "Really over" two weeks ago yesterday. I guess it seems like it has been years and I should be over with it all. But I'm not. I'm moving to TN, so the change of scenery should be nice and I won't be around things that make me think of him. I just want to forget him. He hurt me more than anybody has ever hurt me. But part of me wants to be tough - like it doesn't matter. Ooooh, it sucks.
slubberdegullion Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Why don't you move to Ontario? I promise, I'll make you forget alllll about him...
Author SMHappyface Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 Slubber - Hahaha, you're cute. If I walk two miles I'm in Cornwall, so Ontario isn't that far away.
slubberdegullion Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Slubber - Hahaha, you're cute. If I walk two miles I'm in Cornwall, so Ontario isn't that far away. No s***? I can be there in a few hours. Lemme get in touch with Scobro - he of the rippling abs - and we'll pick you up.
Author SMHappyface Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 oooh, two men, sounds fun, lol
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 it just seems too awful, to try to forget the person that wasin your life( mine) for 3 years...this is all i new i fell in love( my first love)....it seems so werid to move on...gosh it is the worst pain ever, and i havent been listening to my good music lately because its so emotional and reminds me of him. im goin to take that rubber band thing up and defiently try that...all though i will be snappig it 24/7 i guess it can work...its still really raw for me 3 months hasnt done anything( i feel better)...but im still in shock and it hurts so bad love hurts
FataMorgana Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 No s***? I can be there in a few hours. Lemme get in touch with Scobro - he of the rippling abs - and we'll pick you up. hey, what about me?
scobro Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I LIVE IN CORNWALL l!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whoo hoooo:laugh: (just kidding) \ Pick me up slubber Im 5 hours from Cornwall. LOVESHACK ROAD TRIP WHOO HOO.
Author SMHappyface Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 Brittney - I agree with you, the rubber-band would get old, I'd look like I was abusing myself here too quickly, but maybe I will try to do something similar. I woke up just now with an awful dream - seem like they are happening a lot recently... Dreamed that a mutual friend my ex visited about 3 months ago (he had found HER husband had cheated on her, bla bla bla) and stayed there all night talking to her. In my dream however they were F***ing and she put on a certain type of perfume to mask the sex smell. It was so real, I woke up crying. Who knows how many other girls were in the picture, what I don't understand is that he all but forgot about me (gone, etc) and these girls are NOT good looking. Two were well over 200+ pounds and his ex who he was also sleeping with is about 150+ (Basically me size PLUS 35 lbs!) Not just the size, but they aren't that facially beautiful either. He obviously didn't cheat for looks... Don't worry Fata - it might be a trip from Australia, but I don't see why we can't have one large Loveshack party! Whoohoo, forget the evil people that betrayed us, screwed us, and hung us out to dry!
Author SMHappyface Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 I LIVE IN CORNWALL l!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whoo hoooo:laugh: (just kidding) \ Pick me up slubber Im 5 hours from Cornwall. LOVESHACK ROAD TRIP WHOO HOO. Oh random PS - I was in Toronto less than a week ago and then again three weeks ago. Hehehe. Driving through to MI to visit my sister at college!
scobro Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Who knows how many other girls were in the picture, what I don't understand is that he all but forgot about me (gone, etc) and these girls are NOT good looking. Two were well over 200+ pounds and his ex who he was also sleeping with is about 150+ (Basically me size PLUS 35 lbs!) Not just the size, but they aren't that facially beautiful either. He obviously didn't cheat for looks... The whole point is that he cheated would you feel better if they were all beautiful and would blow you out of the water in the looks department????Probably not. So just the fact that they were not all that attractive and a pound or two overweight is irrelavant and is just giving you another thing to confuse you on why he cheated.He isn't the person for you and it's still early for you so it is overwhelming right now and you need concrete answers that you just will not get from him or anyone.He cheated on you to feel validated in some way by women other than you.Sorry it sucks right now.
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 everyone says it will get better, but before it can get better it will get worse for a little bit....im still in shock that this all happend and its been almost 4 months...time has gone by quick...i have my good months and than i have those" reality hits you in the face again"...and all you can do is dream i had a dream last night, and for once it wasnt a dream about me smashing this girls face in...but it was more of her coming back to school having blonde hair ( as i once did).... waking up does suck tremendously thats when it hits you HARD....and to just forget about what happend...and all the memories seems werid....having a heart ache makes you feel so empty and just werid... but some break ups are for a good cause, my relationship was not healthy and down the road from now i will be glad it happend..but i wont forget the hurt i went through... doesnt every teenager go through this at one point, and adult?
chocolate_boy Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 *Sigh* I almost wish I had MORE stuff to burn of his. Even with me NOT contacting him and not seeing him, I feel like his essence remains - lingers like a rotting carcus. I wish there was a way to purge myself from him. It's driving me to almost insanity. Today I'm wondering around the house trying to rid my mind from the awful thoughts torturing my brain. Everything I looked at today reminded me of him. It's like my mind has a vice on it. I don't miss him, I don't want him, I wish there was a way to erase him from my head. I hate him. You might be able to throw away the physical stuff, but how can you get rid of the psychological and mental stuff?! Tell you what pisses me off the most, she used to wear my clothes when we stayed at mine so some of my favourite T-shirts remind me of her, and today I found one in my drawer that I hadn't wore for ages, and she'd obviously wore it and put it back, smelled like her and worse of all covered in blonde hairs... hate finding her hairs.. it's a reminder that it's all so fresh still (even though it has been over 2 months now
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