renaissancewoman101 Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 I am trying to move on with my life. I called the ex today to get my phone back and to try to get some of my money. I called him at work. He seemed ok to hear from me. We talked for about 5 minutes. I told him that I wanted my phone back and that I wanted my money that he owes me back. I also told him that I was moving away. He seemed like he was in a good mood and wanted to talk. He didnt seem that perturbed that I was moving away. He asked me where I was moving to and all that. I told him that I was moving to San Diego and that he should be happy that I was moving away since he didnt have to then worry about dealing with me. He told me that he wasnt happy to see me move away and he wish that it didnt turn out the way it did because he didnt want me to think of him like how other men may have treated me. He said he wanted to be "different" in my eyes. In a way, we talked like old times sake and it made me miss him a bit. I miss him and talking to him a lot. It kind of made me sad that this turned out this way. He asked me where I was moving too and he told me that it would be good for me. I told him that I found a place out in San Diego, etc. He sounded happy to talk to me. He did sound surprised a bit that I was moving away. Sometimes I think he was putting on a front about things I then asked him when I could get my money back and he told me that he didnt know how much he could give me now since Christmas was coming and all that. He said he would try to give me as much as he could. I asked him if I could get my phone back on Thursday since I was going down to hang out with our mutual friend on Thurs night and then I asked him if he knew that I was hanging out with her more often. He said he knew and that he saw me at Fur Fest. I told him that I didnt follow him around Fur Fest and I stayed out of his way. He told me that he knew, but from the way his tone of voice was, it didnt seem like he was that happy to see me at Fur Fest. We then talked about our mutual friend and he told me that she was mad at him for that Sat and that she is mad at some of the girls who hang with her. He then nonchalantly told me that she has this bad habit of making friends, alienating them, and dumping them. Sometimes, I think he told me that to warn me from her. I dont know. I then asked him how was I going to get my stuff back on Thursday. I told him that I had to work and that it usually takes me a long time to get down to his area with the traffic on Thursday. He said he got off around 5:45 and if I could leave work earlier so I could meet up with him since he had stuff to do on Thursday night. I was like ok. I then told him that I would call him on Thursday to see how we could set this up. Sometimes, I feel as though he is trying to find a way to make this hard for me. I dont know. It doesnt seem like he has any animosity or anger towards me. He sounded friendly and pleasant and we talked a bit. I dont know. Talking to him has made me miss him a bit. I do get the idea that he is acting kind of like the condescending one in our conversation, like "I am sorry I caused this for you, I dont want you to think of me like every other guy who may have hurt you since I am not like that, and I am not happy to see you leave." Some of his words and tone sounded condescending, esp when he mentioned the mutual friend and her propensity to drop her friends. Why would he act condescending to me? That is something I cant understand. I have no idea if I am going to get the phone back on Thursday. He doesnt sound like he cares if I am leaving or not. I cant wait to start a new life over again.
Outcast Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I am sorry I caused this for you, I dont want you to think of me like every other guy who may have hurt you since I am not like that, and I am not happy to see you leave." Some of his words and tone sounded condescending, esp when he mentioned the mutual friend and her propensity to drop her friends. Why would he act condescending to me? That is something I cant understand. Nothing sounded condescending. Don't worry about it. You're moving away so forget him.
Author renaissancewoman101 Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 I know that I am moving away. But, I have this feeling he is going to make it hard for me to get my cell phone back from him on Thursday. I get off work at 3:30 but he lives about two hours from me and he wants me to pick up the phone from him at work. Problem is when I get off of work, it will take me almost three hours to get down there because of the normal Thursday traffic and rush hour. I told him about this and his solution for me was to take off work earlier so I could get down there (I could do that and I used to do that when I was dating him, but now I dont want to do it). He then tells me that he has stuff to do Thursday after work so I have a small time frame to get the phone back from him. I have no idea how I am going to get this stupid phone back from him. The reason I picked Thursday is because I was already going down there to meet up with our mutual friend to hang out. Sometimes, I feel like he is making it hard for me to get the phone back from him. It isnt as though I want to hang with him all night. He knows I am going to meet up with our mutual friend to hang out because I told him about it.
Outcast Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Quit being stubborn, get off earlier, and get the phone.
monkeybars Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 about forgetting about the phone already? I mean, the only reason you want the phone is for a chance to see him. Admit this to yourself. I've got a 2000.00 hdtv sitting at my ex's house that I am not raising much of a stink about. I'll get it when I get it, but I need to heal first..so hence, no contact! What is this really about? Because you're not convincing me that (not that you need to mind you) this is all about the phone. Phones can be replaced, your dignity as to how you handle this situation cannot. Let it go and move on. Cancel the phone, and stop calling him. I've been perusing another message board, and you're on there as well (not that there's anything wrong with it mind you) and pretty much consensus is that you need to forget about the phone, and forget about this guy. In the grand scheme of things, is your self respect and dignity worth a 100 dollar phone? Because it's not. Stop calling, stop analysing him, and start analyzing yourself, and what your motivations are, and WHY you are so attracted to someone who has really nothing to offer you, and proves it over and over again. Just think to youeself-DOES THIS HONOR ME? If the answer is no, as it surely should be in this situation, then forget about it.
Author renaissancewoman101 Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 Monkeybars, this does have something partially to do with the phone. I need the phone back because I want to give it to my best friend who just moved out to LA. He has very few free minutes on his cell plan and his cell carrier is different than mines. If I give him this phone, he can talk to me anytime during the day and it is free because the phone is attached to my plan and we would be on the same carrier. I am flying out to LA this weekend because I want to hang out with my best friend and see how he is doing. I also need to take care of some stuff down in San Diego pertaining to my move down there. That is why I need the phone so quickly. I am flying out on Friday morning and on Thursday evening I will be down in the area of my ex because I am going to be hanging out with our mutual friend (although he warned me about being friends with her since she has a tendency to make friends and then drop them). The second reason I called him about getting the phone back is because I want to tell him that I am moving away. Yes, I am moving away to San Diego. I will stick to this. It is my only way out of the hell that is my life right now. A change of venue and environment will help me get out of the obsession that is my life right now. The weird thing is when my ex dumped me in early Sept., my first reaction was "ok, whatever". I did not cry or get mad or do anything. I took it and left. I gave him space and did not bug him for two weeks, then I began to worry and then I called him and arranged to hang out with him (that turned out to be disastrous). I am moving away in about three weeks. I wanted to tell him because I wanted him to know that I am moving on with my life and that I am not staying here to pine away for him and wait for him. I know he thinks I am going to stay here waiting for him to come back. It feeds his ego (that is what our mutual friend is saying - this weekend she gave me A LOT of insight into the psyche of my ex). Basically, I wanted to tell him that I am moving on with my life and he doesnt have to worry about me haunting him. I wanted to elicit a reaction from him. I am going to leave here, but there is a small part of me that wants him to regret leaving me and realize that now the breakup is permanent since I am moving away. In a way, I wish he could fight for me, because if he came back to me right now, I would drop all this and stay here and retry the relationship, even though I know he is not the right one for me. Part of me is very scared to move away to something new. This move will help me forget the ex but it will permanently close the door on any type of reconciliation with the ex now or in the future, because once I do this, I will not look back AT ALL. The process of moving away is a frustrating and hectic process and I am scared about all this. I am moving away from all that is familiar to me out here and moving back to a state that I left 18 years ago and I am moving closer to my parents, something that I never wanted to do. I also have no job out there, but I am doing this because I want to get away from the hell that my life has become out here. There are so many shattered dreams, unhappy memories out here for me, and now that my best friend has also moved away to CA, I want to be out there since he is the only constant in my life that has never ditched me or screwed me over.
suegail Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Could you possibly ask him to send the phone to you? I know it's only two hours away, but that's over two hours of driving for you which costs gas money and you'll have to take a few hours off work (which again, is money) Maybe you feel as if there may have been condescension on his part because of the fact that you feel as if you are the unfortunate one in all this. I don't think it was his intention to make you feel that way, but he knows you've been hurt, and there is just no easy way to work around that in a conversation. I think he's trying as best he can to show consideration, and he's hoping you won't look back on this with the feeling that he ever wished to cause you such distress. I'm sorry things didn't work out and you're going through all this and I hope the move will be a very good thing for your life...
Outcast Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 If it is easy for you to get off work early and that solves the problem, then do it. I'm sure it will take you less time to drive there than it has to write out these lengthy explanations of the telephone issue. And forget the rest of it. You're using the phone as an excuse. Just get the blasted thing and go.
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