omegaRED Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Heh. Yes it`s hard, if it were TRUE. Dude, we all make mistakes. In the end, the one who loves you won`t leave you because you`ve made a couple of mistakes here and there. (Ofcourse, dependent on the severity of the mistakes. Cheating is inexcusable to me. But that`s just me). The point is, you need time to heal and to cool down, so you can take a look at the relationship rationally. You see the mistakes you made, don`t make them again. You got issues, fix them. But do not allow yourself to fall into the pit of "It`s all my fault because ______". Take a rational look at your actions and behaviour, and improve. I underline rational and objective. Do her complaints hold water? Or are they unfounded? But FFS, don`t let her place all the blame on you. When they do it, there are usually skeletons in their closets, so they try to shift the blame. And, in the end, if your best efforts weren`t good enough for her, then so be it. If she doesn`t appreciate your love, let her find someone else. They trample on our confidence and self esteem when they do that, you gotta be confident and strong, you give your best, if they don`t think it`s good enough, show them the door. But, usually, when they tell us "the mistakes" or they are not really significant, they DON`T WANT you to fix them. And most are fixable. So, the reason for the breakup is not the mistake you made, the mistake is the excuse for them to get out "clean". But the truth comes out, always does... I`d be honestly surprised if my ex has the guts to say a word to me, now that i know she lied for months. She knows she f**ked up, lied, and has a dirty conscience. And she knows i did nothing to deserve the treatment i got from her.
sick of it Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 thats the worst part...is that the things i couldnt fix before (because we were apart at school) are fixed. i moved home for her and took a much harder job just to be near her. i have time and the ability to go out with her. i have money to spend on her. school is over, no more classes, papers all of that junk that we were going through together (though apparently she fails to realize she was stressed out by senior year too). all of these things i planned to do, shes doing with someone else. so it enforces that i didnt do them. it enforces what i couldnt provide. shes getting exactly what she wanted from someone else...and im close by and know about it. i thought me coming home was my chance. we both knew we were unhappy about our sitaution. and i made it clear that i was coming home to fix these things. i wasnt given the chance. so i built up the wonderful possibility of how things couldve been for months and never got to explore it. im stuck with the dream, im stuck with the possibilities and shes living it. and because shes getting what she wanted (but from someone else) i will feel like its my fault.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I think this advice was intended for people who have moved on and still think of their ex as the devil. I thought it was great. I always thought like that anyway. Bravo!!!!
Author dprelz Posted December 1, 2005 Author Posted December 1, 2005 Man.. you guys don't know how much I agree with the questions you asked, because those and a thousand other ones have crossed my mind everyday. The advice is just for people who take the easy way out and get over their ex using anger as the tool. They pretend like it was a waste of time and their ex is a devil in disguise, etc. I never want to think of her that way, and because I don't allow myself to hate her, then I won't. I know she is a good person and because of circumstances we couldn't really control this happend. Or at least in my situation that is what I have realized. Like the guy that posted earlier, I feel like all our problems would be fixed now, because the "situation" is different. But, sometimes love is about timing, and there is nothing I can do to change that. I'm trying just like you to find a way to deal with this unbearable pain, and I don't want to resort to hatred to mask my weakness. And even If she is a bitch and completely manupulated me, played games, cheated on me, whatever - then what is the point of going down to her level and doing the same? Why can't you just be the bigger person, move on and still be good, waiting for another good person to share your life with? Instead of having a jaded view on love, just let go, heal and go find that person that has been waiting for you all their lives. And hey, it could even be your ex.
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