Bad day

[omegaRED]

Ok i`m crashing here. I`ve been doing well for the last few weeks, but today just sucks hairy sweaty donkey balls. F**k. I`ve noticed if i don`t go out and do anything, have nothing to do and stay at home, things tend to go worse for me. I`m just hoping that once i get the job (and i hope i get the job, it`s not 100%, i get to see the boss tommorrow, should start working from thursday, if all goes well) it`ll get easier for me.

 

Am i taking the wrong approach? I feel well when i`m outside and with other people, but i think i may just be burrying the memories and the pain. Not thinking about it. Sometimes though, like today, the memories and pain pour out. And i break down. I was doing good, but i`m really feeling down today.

 

I don`t know whether i`m doing the right thing. I`ve focused on different things, just to take my mind off my ex, like getting my drivers license, buying some nice stuff for me (though i`m on a limited budget here), getting excited about the potential new job, about a night out (i have fun but not nearly as much as before, and my friends are fairly busy this time out), working out, as well as getting to know myself and my psychological issues and trying to fix them, basically focusing on anything, getting excited about anything that might help me take my mind off the ex.

 

It`s been nearly three months, 11 weeks. 7 weeks since i really saw that it was over. 4 weeks since i last saw her, 2.5 weeks since the last contact. (not much of a contact, but decided it`s definitely over then. No second chance, no contact, no nothing)

 

I start to wonder if i`m just fooling myself. I went through pretty much every phase of the grieving process, but i can`t help and wonder if i`m just trying to bury the pain. I`m afraid that it`ll come back pouring again and again...

[Outcast]

Did you allow yourself to grieve at all? A couple good sobbing sessions will be good for the soul. You can also do something symbolic, like take something you were given and break, burn, or bury it (careful with the burning!).

 

Most of all, expect highs and lows. Getting over a loss isn't a linear process. It most resembles a rollercoaster ride - you're up for a while and think you're over it and then you find yourself gloomy again. It'll happen for a while yet. One day, you'll realize that you haven't had any of the downs and then you'll know you're truly healed.

 

In the meantime, you're doing all the right things - getting out with people, keeping busy, etc. It's sitting home alone and brooding for extended periods of time that will make some folks spiral right down into depression.

[omegaRED]

Well to tell you the truth, i don`t really remember. I was devastated, true, i cried a number of times (f**k what anyone else says, i`m very emotional for a guy and i have cried in front of my gf) ...

 

Honestly i think i did all things i wanted and didn`t want to do. I`m just scared that i *might* have skipped the grieving phase (my memory is really terrible, and i think i do this to myself, i somehow suppress the memories to avoid pain), and so much has happened to me emotionally, that i honestly feel like all this happened YEARS ago, not 3 months ago.

 

Oh well. I feel better now, and we`ll see if i did something wrong in the future. I did what i did, i will live with the consequences.

 

Symbolic... Well i removed the armband she gave me (i always used to wear 3, each with it`s special meaning, one from my cousine, who i consider my sister, on i got myself, on my final vacation with my former ex, and the one she gave me), as well as the watch she gave me for my birthday (god i love that watch, but i don`t wear it anymere). Deleted all her emails, numbers, text messages, pretty much everything that reminded me of her.

 

I guess it was just a bad day. Tommorrow will be better. Thanks for the words Outcast.

[Outcast]

You're welcome. Hang in there. There will be more bad patches but they will end.

[consumed]

Hey man, you gotta just hang in there and know it'll get better. I'm going through the same thing, alot of down days and a few good days. Thing is to keep going, don't push yourself too much. I've found a few things that have really helped one being posting on the forums here. Another is talking to others, a friend or even family. I've even talked to a few strangers who have put things in perspective for me and told me to keep going. Talking about it helps ALOT. I drag my buddy out at elast twice a week to vent out everything on my chest. He may not say much back but the fact he listens and I can just dump everything on my mind helps so much.

If you can get that job I really would. I recently got a job and although I do still think about my ex at work, it's starting to slowly get less and less. Thankfully they moved me to another position where I'm with a few others constantly talking about whatever so my mind never really gets a chance to think about things. It's really hard I know, even I still have my days and nights, just read some of my threads and I think you've responded to a few.

A guy a work told me the best thing is to improve myself, get myself happy again. He had a break up with his gf that lasted 2yrs and though I thought I did alot for my ex this guy did crazy things for his ex. It ended because she left for someone else. I never asked him how he delt with it but he did tell me, he just knows that noone will treat her better then he did, and he just went after improving himself and it seems he's really happy now. You just have to keep looking up. It helps posting on here, it's been helping me when Im feeling the blues.

[omegaRED]

Hrmpf. Feeling better today, but had dreams about her. It hasn`t happened in a while. I forgot how tormenting dreams can be.

 

I know what i need to do. I`m well on my way. But then, all of a sudden, these kinds of feelings come at you and kick you in the nuts.

 

Talk about a rollercoaster ride. We`ll see how things go with the job.

[omegaRED]

Great. I just realized i`m in the denial phase again. God... This really drains you, doesn`t it? It pisses me off that i`m going through hell on earth, and she`s just peachy, getting and enjoying everything she wanted in life. God damn it. It ain`t fair.

[Sad green eyes uk]

Omega, the progress is a slow and painful one, however 11 weeks is a while when even 1 day feels like a year. I think you are doing well try and keep yourself as busy as you can, and good luck with getting the job, that will certainley keep your mind from wandering at least a bit.

 

I have constant dreams of my ex too, I'm only a few weeks into the breakup however I'm starting to see that things weren't all that great and I'm starting to enjoy being on my own again. I try to keep busy and look after myself. Try working out if you don't already its a great stress reliever and helps you get a good nights rest. Anything you stopped doing while you were too busy in a relationship start it again. Help yourself grow.

 

Good luck

[slubberdegullion]

Great. I just realized i`m in the denial phase again.

Oh, I don't think so OR. If you were in denial you wouldn't be able to realize it. You're healing.

 

It pisses me off that i`m going through hell on earth, and she`s just peachy, getting and enjoying everything she wanted in life.

Well, that may be the persona she's playing right now, but undoubtedly she's experiencing very similar emotions and issues.

 

But so what, even if she's completely put aside all those feelings? It's not about her, it's about you. So do what you do best to manage this sort of stuff. Get out. Hang with friends. Write, or play music if that's your thing. Socialize. Enjoy life! It's too damn short anyway!

[Painwraith]

Mate

 

Think about it is she really or is she in denial? mine looks to be doing the same, and yes she makes out her life is peachy but from experience with her its not, or at least it wont be in the future as she is still the same old person...

 

Dont expend te energy on her, go to the gym or go for a long drive with music, it will make you feel better...

 

my down days are gone, I have down moments in a day now and they are getting easier to cope with.

 

Be strong my friend be strong

[omegaRED]

Sad green eyes, thanks. I was supposed to meet with the owner today, but he was busy so we postponed the meeting for tommorrow morning. Don`t know what`ll come of it. I really want and need this job. It`s very difficult to find a decent job in my country, and this could be a good one. What`s more important, it`ll allow me to stay in touch with the german language (i finished my studies 2 months ago) and hopefully make some trips to Germany.

 

It`s hard to think that things weren`t great, when in fact, even 11 weeks after, even in the anger stage, i couldn`t find that many flaws in her. Sucks. I want to, but she didn`t have many.

 

Slubber, i guess you`re right. It`s just that yesterday and today i miss her so much and i kept hoping she`d call or whatever and want to be together. I don`t know why...

 

And yes, she`s happy. I guess she always wanted what she has now. A good job, frequent trips to Austria (she too studied German), an older, maturer, wealthier guy, an Austrian man... She`s not partying or hooking up or whatever, she left me for him. So... If you can leave a guy to whom, just a couple of months ago, you kept saying you want to live together as soon as possible, to get married and have kids soon, it really must be that she saw something in him that made her forget all her plans and future with me. That`s why i know she`s not unhappy.

 

But oh well... I can`t do anything about it now, can i? Nor do i want to. There`s no turning back.

 

I wish my friends weren`t that busy and we could all go out more... But as things stand, they`re all preoccupied with their jobs, gfs, studying etc. Nevermind though, i`ll get through this, alone if i have to.

 

Thanks for your words, it really means much to me.

[omegaRED]

Ahhh... Just a quick update. I got the job. I`ll be starting thursday or friday. Happy!

 

I`m doing soooo much better. Although i dreamt of her the last night, i`m not too disturbed.

 

Went out last friday with my buds, had a great time, i almost hooked up with 2 girls, but decided not to let things go to far (Was not that attracted to either of them, and i don`t feel ready for another go. At least not until something irreristible comes my way).

 

The last two days i actually caught myself smiling and laughing and dancing. I was surprised to say the least. Credit goes to the band Sum 41 for that

 

Anyways, just wanted to share that it DOES get a LOT better. Just focus on the good stuff, and there`s plenty of that to go around.

[scobro]

Credit goes to the band Sum 41 for that

 

Canadian!

[Painwraith]

Good for you!

 

I have still got the bad moments but I got laid at the weekend which helps alot, it was only a booty call kind of thing but it raised my spirits, today has been tough on me but I am getting better.

 

the ex's dont deserve it especially when they are downright deciept ful and have used you spat you out and seemingly moved on regardless... best thing to do is to get on with your life whilst they go over the same old process again and again and again.

[omegaRED]

Scobro, they absolutely f**king rock. Love them to bits. I`ve been searching for bands like that. You know, the album "All Killer No Filler" is just... too happy Fat Lip, In Too Deep, Rhythms... Great stuff!

 

If i want to feel rage and raw energy, i`ll let Rammstein play... maybe Bad Religion and Linkin Park. But sum 41, along with MillenColin, Skin of Tears and Killrays... happy happy happy!!!

 

Painwraith, you are right. Absolutely. But basically, i`m moving past the stage where i feel used and the like. I don`t want to think about her or how she treated me. I don`t think about that. It`s in the past. Sure, it`s not gonna be a smooth ride all the way, but life`s too short to dwell on the past and hold a grudge against someone who wronged you. She won`t get a word from me when/if we ever see eachother, and that`s enough. I`m on my way to meet ME!

[Painwraith]

ahhh but you should think about it, get angry and then go and have a good scream. because if you dont think about it the resolution will never come.

 

Face it head on. Then you can move on.

 

I have recently I still get the pangs but in short.... feck her she never deserved me anyway.

[omegaRED]

No, i did that. I was angry. I was mad at her. I wanted to scream, at her, tell her what a bitch she`s been. That i never deserved the way she treated me. How dissapointed i was with her (key word is dissapointed) as a lover, friend, and as a person. To wish her never to be happy again. It`s gone now. She doesn`t matter. Not worth it. I let her go, don`t wanna know what she`s doing, who she`s seeing, whether she`s happy or miserable. The only thing i`d like to know from time to time is that she`s ok (health-wise) and alive.

[meltwithme]

No, i did that. I was angry. I was mad at her. I wanted to scream, at her, tell her what a bitch she`s been. That i never deserved the way she treated me. How dissapointed i was with her (key word is dissapointed) as a lover, friend, and as a person. To wish her never to be happy again. It`s gone now. She doesn`t matter. Not worth it. I let her go, don`t wanna know what she`s doing, who she`s seeing, whether she`s happy or miserable. The only thing i`d like to know from time to time is that she`s ok (health-wise) and alive.

Well I'm having one of thoose days today. My grandma is very ill from being a life time cigarette smoker and my grandpa already died from them so I want so bad to call the ex and just ask her to quit smoking, but it will do nothing but set me back so f*** her. I hate when I let her memory get in my way of doing something or hitting on a girl. I had a final exam this morning and I couldn't even concentrate because she was on my mind when I woke up. Damn theese days suck, maybe I haven't totally let go but I want to so bad and I don't understand why I can't.

[omegaRED]

Takes time. I still think about her, every day. But with each passing day she occupies less and less of my thoughts. And lately i can concentrate on things, like tests, work interviews and the like, without her interference. It just takes time and focusing on something important to you i guess.

[In Sync]

Ok, I'm having a really BAD day. I can't help it. I must be doing something wrong. I feel really sad and I'm not doinga good job of NOT thinking about the ex. I hate admitting that I don't miss him because I do miss him. I'm not as strong as some of you. Every minute I'm on the verge of tears. Constantly choking back tears. Why can't I do this??? Why can't I just get over this feeling of missing him? Am I nuts or what?

[omegaRED]

In Sync darling, don`t worry, you`re not doing anything wrong. Look, i thought about her a lot today. I accidentally found some pictures on PC that i transferred from my cell phone a while ago... Let me tell you, looking at them, and us together ripped my body and soul in half. I missed her like there`s no tommorrow.

 

But, it`s gone now. "We" are no more. I deleted those pics. I do my best not to think about her. That doesn`t mean i don`t think about her a lot, i still do. But, as soon as those thoughts appear, i`m pushing them out. I`ll go grab something to eat, go outside for a minute, go into another room, call a friend, whatever.

 

It`s getting better. It`s not great, it`s better. It`s going to take a lot more time for me to get over her. It`s been 3 months now, to the day, since she broke up, and 2 months since i realized that this isn`t a "break", that it`s over for good. I estimate at least 3 to 4 months until i can say that i`m doing good on a daily basis.

 

So, you`re not doing anything wrong. Just do try to go out, and try to be around other people. I know that the days when i miss her the most are the days when i`m alone in my room, with nothing important to do. Just please, try to socialize. Eliminate as much alone time as you can.

 

Be strong...

[bendit]

You're grieving you're not nuts! It seems to me that as recently as a month ago you still held out some hope that this might work..sounds like you had a good conversation with the ex, if not a little frustrating. So that is a month. You delayed the grieving process by doing limited contact. That's water under the bridge. What you are feeling is the sadness of only now coming to terms that the relationship is finally completely over, if only because you realize you can't ever go back even if he did want that.

 

So this is but one stage of a healing process. I remember it; and sometimes I still have some sadness. But after three plus months of nc, the feelings of normalcy are returning.

 

The place you want to get to is TOTAL personal responsibility for what happened and forgiveness of both YOU and him. You have to forgive this person and be easy on yourself. You may not be in a forgiving mood but eventually you will heal 100% as you give in to forgiveness.

 

Think it through. This person was just being himself. He couldn't be anything else! He knows no other way to be. He was socialized to be this way. Walk a mile in his shoes before blaming him for being him. You can't blame a Scorpion for stinging you. That's what they do.

 

So this entire relationship is just a gigantic learning experience, and a fantastic one for you! You are surviving and I believe have a chance to flourish from here on because of the work you are doing on yourself as a result of this awful awful pain. Someday you will realize you needed to go through this. Call it a wake up call for your life! The front desk rang you right on schedule!

 

regards