17 Years Later....

[notoi]

My ex bf and I met in high school. We were inseparable until he went off to the military and I went off to college. After 2 years of being committed, we agreed to date to other people. His "friend" got pregnant and we decided that he should try to make a life as a family with her and the baby. They got married some months later and I got married one month after him. We had no contact after the marriages as we knew we would never be able to be "just friends". It's 17 years later. I divorced my husband in 1997 and just finished a 7-year relationship 1-1/2 years ago with my live-in bf. He wanted to get married, I wouldn't commit.

 

I looked up my high school sweetheart and found him on the internet. We now live 1000 miles apart, but I called him. I was so overjoyed at finding him that I called a mutual friend from high school. She told me that she'd seen him and he wanted to get in touch with me but she'd lost my contact info. He got divorced in 2000. We've been on the phone for hours every night since that 1st phone call. He says he has always loved me and that his feelings will never wane. I feel the same. He told me that he never wants to lose me again and that he needs me in his life. We both realized that we'd never fully committed to any other relationship like we had during ours. We were both very open and allowed each other into the deepest emotional places. His dream for us now is to be "gumming it" on a beach in 20 years. Sounds good right? Wrong!

 

He knows he wants me in his life, but he is not sure of the capacity. I want us to "go for it." He says he's under construction and doesn't want to risk "messing it up". I told him I'm not looking for perfection. He wants us to meet and spend some time together. I am almost certain that this will get intimate. I've been celibate for 1-1/2 years and he's been celibate for 7 months. Because emotions are running high, I am not sure how I can do it. There's no middle ground for me here. We both know that we'd be heartbroken if either of us got involved with anyone else. I don't know how not to love him. I've suggested instead that we have nc but he insists that nc would hurt too much. He said he'd respect my feelings if I really want nc but he's not sure he'd keep up his end of the bargain - he's not willing to lose me again. I'm not really sure I could do nc either. I am scared to death of being hurt.

 

Should I meet him or should I run away? Suggestions?

[JS17]

Is it just fear getting in the way for both of you? Unless there's something else I can't understand why you wouldn't want to see him again.

[notoi]

Yes. I know I am afraid. I don't know how to enter this without expectations. I want it all. I may have to settle for being his "best friend". I don't know if I can do that.

[ReluctantRomeo]

If it helps any, I've seen several relationships put back together again successfully after long breaks - one of more than a decade.

[JS17]

Your expectations are fantasy. You have this idea of who he is and what your relationship will be like. If you don't start realizing that what's going on in your head is fantasy right now the relationship is doomed to fail because nothing will live up to what you've made up in your mind. Take a step back and bring down your expectations.

[downcydeguy]

If it helps any, I've seen several relationships put back together again successfully after long breaks - one of more than a decade.

 

Really Romeo? I know of one but they weren't apart for more than 6 months or so. What were some of the situations? I'm only asking because my ex left me 6 weeks ago and said she doesn't want to see me at all when she gets back from Spain for Christmas. And I am truly wanting her back but don't know what she's going through. Just wondering if any situations were similar with the people you're talking about.

[ReluctantRomeo]

What were some of the situations? I'm only asking because my ex left me 6 weeks ago and said she doesn't want to see me at all when she gets back from Spain for Christmas.

 

Well, I wouldn't hang around waiting if I were you... I'd get on with my life.

 

In all these situations the parties I'm close to had pretty much given up long before. Then they met up again by chance.

[darhma]

There is a web site dedicated to such.

http://www.lostlovers.com/research.htm

 

It appears they usually work out 77% of the time. Follow your heart. Spend time together. If he already can not help but speak to you just imagine how he will feel after you both spend some time together.