rachellllllann Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 I posted this up in the breaking up section but I wanted to seek other people's advice..thanks! It's a simple question really..no right or wrong answer. I just want to know from your experiences..how do you when it's over?! Is it when both of you can't stand each other?! Or when the two of you can't solve your problems?! Do you get a certain feeling in your gut telling you that this relationship is just not going to work anymore?! Maybe the couple doesn't love each other?! But what if one of the two still does?! What if you were wrong to break up?! How will you know the second time will work?! Why do people argue?! Why can't we just get along?! What happens if the couple can not let go of each other?! Does that mean they belong to each other and should be together?! For example.. there's a couple who are deeply in love with each other. Yeah, they have their issues and problems but they always seem to work it out. They don't fight constantly but maybe..once a month?! However, there's this one problem or issues that always comes up. It comes up, they fight, they argue and work it out. But it seems like this same scenario happens every couple weeks or so. This problem or issue is capable of being fixed because it has been fixed before...or so it was thought to be. After finally, two months without fighting or with that issue coming up, the same scenario happens again. But this time it seems like it won't be solved because one of the two feels like giving up and can't take the pain cause by the issue. The other however, can't take the anger and rage caused by the other partner. The couple doesn't want it to end because they love each other very much. They don't want to lose each other. But if something doesn't happen soon, the relationship can end or can continue. If it continues, the scenario can resurface but if it ends..it will put an end to the scenario but everything else in the relationship. And so I ask.. how do you know when it's over?!
itwontdawnsooner Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 its a feeling you have... when neither is willing to learn or grow, when there is no more compromise, and the bad outweighs the good, the fights are all too frequent, the loving feelings are being worn away by the above (or whatever else) then you know attachment will make things last longer, but only for so long... basically you either compromise/learn/grow together, or grow apart
slubberdegullion Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 its a feeling you have... Wrong, wrong, wrong. Feelings change without reason. Basing a relationship on how you feel at the moment is a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. Certainly, don't ignore your feelings, but put them in proper context. Are you pissed at work but bring it home to your partner? Do you chew out your partner because you're still steaming over the traffic jam that made you late for that important meeting? Do you b!tch him out because you're PMSing? Get the facts first, and go from there.
LN8840K Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 when you would have less pain and frustration by leaving, than you do by staying, it's time to bounce !
filarena Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 It sounds like you both want to be together but this one issue is driving you apart. (Sorry, I'm assuming 'this one couple' is you.) It's hard to offer advice without knowing what it is you are fighting about. On the one hand, I think fighting only once a month doesn't sound bad. Although, of course, it does depend on how bad those fights are. On the other hand, to keep fighting about the same thing can indeed be very frustrating. If you aren't getting anywhere with it, I'd suggest at the very least telling us what it is and getting advice, asking friends, and maybe considering talking to a relationship counselor.
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