rachellllllann Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 It's a simple question really..no right or wrong answer. I just want to know from your experiences..how do you when it's over?! Is it when both of you can't stand each other?! Or when the two of you can't solve your problems?! Do you get a certain feeling in your gut telling you that this relationship is just not going to work anymore?! Maybe the couple doesn't love each other?! But what if one of the two still does?! What if you were wrong to break up?! How will you know the second time will work?! Why do people argue?! Why can't we just get along?! What happens if the couple can not let go of each other?! Does that mean they belong to each other and should be together?! For example.. there's a couple who are deeply in love with each other. Yeah, they have their issues and problems but they always seem to work it out. They don't fight constantly but maybe..once a month?! However, there's this one problem or issues that always comes up. It comes up, they fight, they argue and work it out. But it seems like this same scenario happens every couple weeks or so. This problem or issue is capable of being fixed because it has been fixed before...or so it was thought to be. After finally, two months without fighting or with that issue coming up, the same scenario happens again. But this time it seems like it won't be solved because one of the two feels like giving up and can't take the pain cause by the issue. The other however, can't take the anger and rage caused by the other partner. The couple doesn't want it to end because they love each other very much. They don't want to lose each other. But if something doesn't happen soon, the relationship can end or can continue. If it continues, the scenario can resurface but if it ends..it will put an end to the scenario but everything else in the relationship. And so I ask.. how do you know when it's over?!
AtarisKid Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 I guess the best thing that you can do is to take a break from each other....time will sort your feelings out and then you will be able to decide whether you too are meant to be...im not sure what the issue is that you guys fight about but sometimes it can be something that you guys will never be able to reconcile on, in most cases its a trust issue, sometimes its hard to gain that trust back once its gone, trust me i know this....i broke up with my ex bout 2 months ago cause all we did was fight for months over stupid sh*t, i got to the point were i just couldnt take it anymore, everyone has there breaking point and i reached mine...some relationships are just not meant to work out no matter how much you love one another, sometimes two people are just not compatable....i hope this helps!...things will get better, trust me, youve probably heard this before....but when i was going through a hard time with my ex and stuff wanting her back and stuff i felt that there was just no one better out there than her, this isnt true, i think the best thing i ever did was end it, believe me i feel better, there are better people out there, it just takes time to find them!
slubberdegullion Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 How do you know when it's over?! When one or both of you just don't care anymore. When she dreads the sound of his footsteps coming into the house, and he'd rather be anywhere but with her.
witabix Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 How do you know when it's over?! When one or both of you just don't care anymore. When she dreads the sound of his footsteps coming into the house, and he'd rather be anywhere but with her. Fighting can be a relationship style, some people thrive on conflict. but the above would be time to say Sayonara!! For sure!
Melly Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 You post is parrallel to the feeling of my relationship at the moment. I am sick of fighting, and I think if I look deep down, I don't think that I am in love anymore. But I want to keep trying. I have suggested marriage counselling, and I want to try it. But something deep down tells me that I don't want it to work. Should I stay and see what happens or should I 'fess up and leave now? As horrible as it sounds, I am not sure if I am doing marriage counselling for our relationship or because I can justify leaving at the end of it, I can tick all the boxes and say that I have tried my hardest. I know this post sounds terrible, but I am confussed and ultimately, I do not know what I really want.
RD37 Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 You post is parrallel to the feeling of my relationship at the moment. I am sick of fighting, and I think if I look deep down, I don't think that I am in love anymore. But I want to keep trying. I have suggested marriage counselling, and I want to try it. But something deep down tells me that I don't want it to work. Should I stay and see what happens or should I 'fess up and leave now? As horrible as it sounds, I am not sure if I am doing marriage counselling for our relationship or because I can justify leaving at the end of it, I can tick all the boxes and say that I have tried my hardest. I know this post sounds terrible, but I am confussed and ultimately, I do not know what I really want. It's not terrible I feel the same way. I feel selfish or like I am not really committed to the counseling (though we are not married) but I just don't see it working anymore. To the original poster: I have no answers. Your scenario seems pretty similar to mine. I am so tired of the constant fights and repairs, fights and repairs. It is draining. I think that some disagreement is normal in relationships, but when you are having fights consistently it is probably a sing that something is not right.At least that is the conclusion that I am coming to. Can't honestly say I "know" it is right though. I very well might be wrong. I guess at the end of the day all you can do is waht you think will make you happy, and staying with someone that you think you should love rather than you someone that you do isn't right. Life is short.
bigbrowneyes Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Hi Rachel, Just because you love someone doesn't make them a good match. There's alot to be said for the power of love. Sometimes we tend to endure things from the one we love in fear that we will be alone or that the other person will find someone more suitable. You know it's over when you don't resolve your problem...and the problem is not resolved if it resurfaces every month or so. Give counseling a try. It can only help you grow. You may discover something about yourself that will either improve this relationship or prevent you from have destructive future relationships. I agree with AtarisKid...if your issue is trust...that's a long process to restore...and both parties need to be willing to give 100% and both want the same thing. I recently experienced how your feeling with my X. Our relationship was rocky. Went to counseling. He broke my trust (after assuring me that he wanted to do the counseling and make our relationship work). We split. He managed to charm me into getting back together. I realized that he will never be the person I can live with because we have different life values. And even thought I love him, I can't spend another day in a relationship that shows limited possiblities for happiness. Be strong and fully evaluate your issues. Are you willing to invest more time to make this work? Are you willing to do this 100%. If you decide to break it off, make a clean cut and follow the wise advice of those who contribute to this forum otherwise I can assure you that you will be revisiting this post in the near future. I am grateful for the support and encouragement that other provide to those of us get weak. Reading these post have strengthen my resolve to do what is good for me. Thanks all.
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