konfuzd Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 The phone was in my hand, but I set it down and logged on here! That's how close I was!!! I really need the support of all you adamant NC believers! I know that my motivation for breaking NC is very selfish, and am fully aware that it's the wrong thing to do... but here it goes. Next month I'll be turning 25... I am in a city where I don't know a soul outside of my office. I have no friends, no family, no one. I have been drifting through life the last 7 years, focussing on my education and career, so I don't even have any close friends anywhere. I've always had an active social life, but it was all just drinking buddies and classmates who are all going on with their lives, and I haven't spoken to in over 2 years. No one I can really call out of the blue and invite myself into their plans. So, as a last resort, I'm considering calling the ex. I know it would be using him, and I would feel terrible, but I know that he still has feelings for me, and wants to get back together. I don't want to string him along like a puppet, but I can't bear the thought of spending my 25th birthday and new years sitting in my house alone. Time is wearing thin, and I worry that even if I were to meet someone new at this point, they might not factor some new girl into their xmas/new years plans....
AriaIncognito Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Don't do it!!!! I'm currently on NC as well. I know it's tempting to call or write, but it will only set you back. I just got done reading "it's called a breakup because it's broken". Maybe try to find something to do to take your mind off it, like reading. Else, whatever you like to do. If you call, you'll just regret it later. We are all here pulling for you. You can be strong. I can sympathize with the not knowing people in the area....i live an hour away from both my best friends so we see eachother sparingly. If you wanna combat that, see if there are any Yahoo social groups you can join in your area. I found a dating group and a young professionals group, both have many events and opportunities to meet new people that you'd never meet otherwise. Good luck to you. Stay strong!! :-) Jennifer
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 You can do this!! Remember, afew mins of talking to your ex isn't worth the pain afterwards. At that particular moment it MAY be worth it, but the price is high. Think of all the moments painfree! Any time in the past little while when you forgot...Actually started feeling abit better. With ONE call, ALL that effort made and progress will be wiped out. YUK! Everytime you get that urge. STOP. Open your email (Or come to LS) and do a draft email to the ex. Pour it all out!! Whatever you do, don't ever put the address in! Read it, save it or just delete it. Getting it out just will relieve that pressure of you wanting to call/email the ex. Find some hobbies, interests you're into. Take a cooking class, or a night course. Something that will get you meeting people in a different and new setting. I don't mean looking for romance, just new friends/acquaintences etc... Hang in there, you can do NO CONTACT. Just remember all the good that benefits YOU from this. Stronger, more together, less pain and more healing.
AmberAriesMom Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Stay strong! You don't want to start this up again because you are lonely. Get happy being alone with yourself. It's natural to want to share special occasions with someone, as if there's a void in your life if you are alone during those times. But trust me, it's all in your head. Be your own best company first. And don't be sad! Be glad that the day after you won't have to face regrets.
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 I worry that even if I were to meet someone new at this point, they might not factor some new girl into their xmas/new years plans.... Of course they would. I'm still collecting friends for my parties over the holiday period
Author konfuzd Posted December 1, 2005 Author Posted December 1, 2005 Thanks for all the encouraging words... I just had a huge blow out with my parents They get upset with me when I try to talk to them about being depressed and lonely. Now I really have nothing. Can't even count on my family when I need them, I think I've hit the lowest point of depression I've ever felt. What do you do when you have no one to turn to? this really sucks!!!!
jacked17 Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 That really sucks. That's the main reason why I'm afraid of moving away from where I've grown up. I don't want to be alone with no friends to hang out with. What about people you work with? Anyone from work you could go out with and get some drinks with and try to meet some people.
patwheel Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 I know exactly how you feel. I came to the US by myself, to LA, met people, had a gf for almost 3 yrs, but my mistake is that I made my friends, our friends...and you know the story, they became her friends again. Now, I am pretty much all by myself too, not really anyone to talk to(on a more deeper lvl than the just superficial LA lvl), just one or 2 people that I can still call friends, but since I neglected them for the missus, I need to make some effort with them. We lived together, I miss her dearly in the morning, at night, doing stuff together, but what can I do? I have my school to focus on, my career, and that takes already too much time! No time to focus on someone that will treat you like that, and friends, you'll always find some more. For me, since I have no one to talk to really, I just go here, call up my old friends back home, but mostly, I learned how to be independent again. I realized how I was dependent of that girl, and how my life would have been different, but you gotta admit, being in a relationship with someone when you're away from home, you forgo a lot for them because you are pretty much by yourself afterwards! I know that's how I felt, and I know that I could have gone to better law school on the east coast if I wasnt involved with this girl! But no regrets, no regrets. Dont worry, it's the whole christmas/hannukah/kwanzah feeling. I was watching the christmas special on nbc yesterday, and I remembered my ex, and how I would want to spend another white christmas with her in NYC. But then I remembered that she broke things up 1 week before my birthday, and that made me want to go to Vegas Remember, if your thoughts are dwelling on to call or ont ot call, it just means that you are still dwelling on your relationship. Now is not the time to break NC and all of the hard work/crying and all that.
Author konfuzd Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 What about people you work with? Anyone from work you could go out with and get some drinks with and try to meet some people. Unfortunately, I work in a very small office, there are only 4 other people, all of whom are much older than I, and all of them are married. There is also a lot of tension, as I am the youngest person, yet am in the process of taking over the company and becoming the boss. It is a very stressful position to be in, as I am new in the field, and have had a lot of weight dropped on my shoulders. When I come home night after night to an empty house, my mind is continuously either on the stress of work, or the stress of my aching heart. With all these things weighing on my mind, it is unbelievably difficult to paste a fake smile on my face and go join some kind of group activity, where I feel like an outcast. I have for the past year and a half tried to volunteer for organizations, take classes, internet etc... I get along well with everyone I meet, and I constantly give out my number, with a proposition to go for coffee, or a movie sometime, usually I end up hanging out with people a few times if I make the plans but my phone never, ever, ever rings... it's so frustrating to always be the one calling, and I'll eventually give up. If someone can't make the effort to call me, obviously they don't care enough and don't really want to be a friend. I'm so sick of temporary friendships and false promises. My heart has been broken so many times, I don't have anything left to give.
Author konfuzd Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 being in a relationship with someone when you're away from home, you forgo a lot for them because you are pretty much by yourself afterwards! I couldn't agree with this more! I have dated 4 or 5 people since I've lived here, and they all seem to take advantage of my situation. They go out and have fun with their friends, and when they're at the point of utmost boredom, that's when they will call me, because they know I'll be around and so eager to get out of the house that I will go along with it.... They were all wrong. I have ended every one of my recent relationships for the exact same reason.
patwheel Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I am where you are. I know how much it hurts, how much I feel betrayed and all that goes with it. I am glad that someone knows what I feel like! Just remember one thing, you and I came to the city alone, all by ourselves. The situation we're in now is no different than how we were when we first got here. You and I did it once, we'll do it again. Sometimes I give up on Los Angeles, shallow people, not so intelligent, or all actor/actress/waiter/waitress. Sometimes, I just tell myself its this city that gives me all this sh*t, and if I go away Ill be happier. But no, the blame is on me. I've put myself in this situation, and this break up is just a nice wake up call on the kind of person that I want to be around: nice, genuine, caring. Be strong, it's just a phase. Go out with a smile and youll meet tons of people. Just know which are the keepers.
Author konfuzd Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 Thanks again for your comforting words Patwheel. I'm very sorry you are going through the same struggles I am, but it is definately encouraging to hear that others are facing the same situation, makes me take less of the heat on myself. For all the rest of you, thank you for helping me maintain the NC!!! I've totally lost the urge to phone him. If I can get through this rough spot without contacting him, I know he will be erased from my life. I know there will be encounters, either with him or his friends, and memories will flood back.... I'm ok with that, because he has given me strength. Strength to endure the ultimate emptiness in order to retain my self respect.
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