delilah32 Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 the schizophrenic, long-winded details of my recent break-up are elsewhere on this site, but i'm confused about something particular right now. my recent ex, an older man who broke it off after 8mos of being attached at the hip and him seemingly head over heels for me, ostensibly because he's going thru some sort of "mid-life" crisis, has contacted me after less than a week of no contact established by myself. he emailed me saying he's still very depressed, confused, sad and is thinking and reading every thing he get his hands on regarding mid-life crises and is trying to make sense of what has led to this separation (as if it's some ****ing alien outside of his body controlling his every move!). he also said he misses me, thinks of me all the time, and wants to talk again. okay, so what's the rule? my gut is that i not respond to this email. it smells way too premature to me. after watching this guy, who i thought was a steady eddy type, bail on me, i quite simply no longer trust him. on top of that, the last week has given me the much needed oppt to reevaluate what this individual means to me and i'm having serious doubts as to whether he's right FOR ME! it's as though his momentary lapse has given me the aperture i needed to make some healthy choices for myself. its soooooo confusing, eh? of course, i do have moments of down time where i feel hurt and jilted all over again and have to sit on my hand to keep from calling. though its not as intense this time as it has been in other breakups. anyway, any advice on responding to the dumper when he breaks nc is appreciated.
Sad green eyes uk Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 If I was in your shoes, I couldn't not reply. I would more than likely write a brief email explaining how they were the one to end it therefore emailing after a week is disrespectful to you, as you need time to heal. Whatever you decide to do I'm sure will be the right thing for you. That is my downfall, replying to the ex. Even though sometimes when I emailed her she did not reply.
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 I'd wait a couple of days. Then maybe a short reply, saying that you need space to think right now.
roadx Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 it's as though his momentary lapse has given me the aperture i needed to make some healthy choices for myself. its soooooo confusing, eh? I do know know the details of your story, but go with your gut. If you do not want to be with him then do not reply back. But, if you think there could be hope between the two of you, then why not talk with him? To me it sounds like he is trying to reach out to you. Not responding will send him the wrong message. It is interesting that his momentary lapse has given you an opportunity to reconsider what you want. He is just doing the same thing. He has reached a crossroads and is trying to figure out whether or not to go ahead with you. He is just making sure he is doing the right thing. Sure, it sucks and it is painful to be on the receiving end, but in the long run, it is a good idea for a couple to make this type of evaluation. In that light, why write him off so quick? Why not talk with him? You could at least reply back in a minimal way. If the situation was reversed would you not at least want the courtesy of a minimal reply and leaving the door open to talk in a few weeks?
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