mattea Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 i'd like to know, especially from the guys, how people feel about gender role expectations. i've heard some people say that the guys like to be the pursurer, women should let them take the lead, etc. i'm not saying i believe in this, but just wonder realistically... how do men feel about women who intiate things when you begin dating? for instance - asking you out, initiating a first kiss, voicing her attraction or interest in you first, etc. i'm really interested in finding my way out of my expected role and a man being able to do the same thing, but it isn't always easy! i'm used to letting the man pursue me for the most part. recently i began "dating" someone. after we went out about 4 times i felt there was pretty obviously a mutual attraction. i asked him out first, then he asked me out. i paid for a movie once when i'd asked him, he paid the next time for drinks when he'd asked me. he also asked me to come over to his place after the last date which i did. nothing but talking happened - there's not been even a kiss yet. since i felt a bit nervous around him due to this unspoken attraction and not knowing what he was thinking and not knowing if he is seeing anyone (he hasn't mentioned anyone but i don't want to assume), i decided to email and tell him i about my attraction and the uneasiness. i emailed rather than talking because he was out of town for a week and 1/2. well, it's been over a week and no response... now i'm wondering... did he get freaked because i was the one to "pursue" him? yes he's out of town visiting family, but it's unlikely that he's not checked email at all.
LN8840K Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 it would not freak me out ...... If I liked her all the better ....... Maybe his people don't have internet .... I know it's freaky but some people don't have computers ........
Craig Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Screw gender expectations--go after what you want before some other woman does (while you're waiting like a good little girl for him to call within 3 days.) He might be shy, he might not have received the e-mail, there could be a gazillion reasons why he hasn't responded. Call him don't wait for him to call you. The old gender expectations come from the days when women were expected to keep their mouths shut, service their men on demand and in general be a slave. My advice to you is to disregard any gender expectations and go for what you want. If the guy doesn't like it then he's probably the kind of guy that wants to keep his woman under control and in her (according to him) place.
filarena Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I'd be careful lumping all gender expectations together. I think, although I may be wrong, that you'll find somewhat different answers to questions of can the woman initiate and should the woman pick up the bill. I think more guys would say yes to the former, but I wouldn't be shocked to find guys saying both are okay or even that the latter is but not the former. Personally, I've never been an alpha male. In fact, I always adopted more of the "female" approach, playing hard to get and waiting for girls to signal interest. I might do the actual asking out, but I didn't pursue if some serious hints hadn't been dropped. I've been told by girls what a bad idea this is, that sometimes they want a guy to show some initiative, and they may appear unattainable at first just to test him. Sorry ladies, your loss. Show me your worth the effort and you'll see some effort, not otherwise. My current girlfriend gave me her number without me asking for it, asked me on our first date, initiated things physically, and asked me to be her boyfriend. I didn't mind a bit. Although I'll offer this caveat: it took her a while to believe I felt as strongly about her b/c she'd made all the moves first. Of course, she also didn't waste any time giving me a chance to make any of them before her, but who ever said feelings of vulnerability were entirely rational?
mini696 Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 I do what I want... And I expect other to do the same, no matter what their gender is. Hell I would be flatered if more girls asked me out. Also I have discussed with my ex's before that if we had kids, she would look after it during the pregnancy (of course, and for a few weeks after for her to recover, then let her go to work while I stay at home and look after it. I like to treat my GF's well, so I will still open doors, pull out chairs, take coats and all that gallentry kind of stuff. Not because I think "as a man" I should, but because I want to.
Author mattea Posted November 29, 2005 Author Posted November 29, 2005 thanks for the responses. it really helps to know that guys like to be pursued (within reason!) sometimes as well. hell, who wouldn't? it does feel nice. besides, i can only imagine it would be an awful lot of pressure to feel that you were supposed to do all the initiating and pursuing.
Cecelius Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Think about it this way: to him, there is almost no downside to waiting to respond, since you tipped your hand. He may like you plenty, he just has some amount of restraint and mystery. He may (as all smart men do) understand that his best work gets done in person, not confessional emails. And it's working, isn't it? You're just all aquiver thinking about the dude. I bet he shows up and puts (some of) your doubts and uncertainties to rest. I tip my hat to the dude -- sounds like a master.
Woggle Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 I love women who make the first move. There are differences between men and women but just be yourself and don't worry about the societal roles.
a4a Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Gender roles have certainly changed........... http://www.ebaumsworld.com/goodwife.html a4a
alphamale Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 ... how do men feel about women who intiate things when you begin dating? for instance - asking you out, initiating a first kiss, voicing her attraction or interest in you first, etc. personally I think men should be men and women should be women. the woman should indirectly let the man know she is interested and then leave it up to him to approach and innitiate. I like to be in control of the situation, or at least, think I am in control. For me it is a big turn off when these aggressive women come on to me. And usually it is the not-so-attractive ones who are the most aggressive.
Outcast Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 personally I think men should be men and women should be women. the woman should indirectly let the man know she is interested and then leave it up to him to approach and innitiate. I like to be in control of the situation, or at least, think I am in control. Gee. What a surprise coming from someone who characterizes himself as 'Alpha male'
alphamale Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Gee. What a surprise coming from someone who characterizes himself as 'Alpha male' see....here's the thing OUTCAST....if a woman approaches me and initiates then I already know that she digs me. Ergo, I can take advantage of her quite easily and utilize her body for cheap sex for a month or so. In addition, if the entire relationship starts out with her taking the initiative and being the leader then it feels weird and I lose interest very quickly in her. It just does not feel "natural" to me. I don't believe I've ever had a long-term serious thing with a woman who initiated the relationship. Sorry, but at least I am honest.
lindya Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 As you can see from the above, whether you choose to break out of societal confines probably depends on what kind of man you see yourself with. The chances are that a traditional sort of man won't like/approve of/respect a woman who makes the first move on him. Then again you might quickly start to feeling bored and confined in that sort of relationship. Think in terms of what you like sexually. If you enjoy playing the bold seductress, then you really need to get yourself a man who's turned on by that kind of thing. If you prefer to always be the passive one then I guess you need to wait for Mr Old Fashioned to make his move. Personally I think you can have tons more fun in the former role - but different strokes and all that....
catalyst Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 "if a woman approaches me and initiates then I already know that she digs me. Ergo, I can take advantage of her quite easily and utilize her body for cheap sex for a month or so."-alphamale So a woman's assertiveness causes you to act like a jerk? Wow. I knew women had power but I never knew I could make someone do something they would not ordinarily do, just by telling him I liked him? Really? The world's in trouble now.
a4a Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 As you can see from the above, whether you choose to break out of societal confines probably depends on what kind of man you see yourself with. QUOTE] I think we should all just be aggressive! you see it, you want it, go for it........ what could go wrong...... you get a "no" which to me just really means "not right now" a4a stalker type A personality
catalyst Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 A note on TRUE alpha people, one of the things that makes them hot, is that they dont have to tell you they are an alpha.
mini696 Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 "if a woman approaches me and initiates then I already know that she digs me. Ergo, I can take advantage of her quite easily and utilize her body for cheap sex for a month or so."-alphamale So a woman's assertiveness causes you to act like a jerk? Wow. I knew women had power but I never knew I could make someone do something they would not ordinarily do, just by telling him I liked him? Really? The world's in trouble now. LOL thats exactly what I was thinking by Alpha's comments. Are you afraid of women striving for what they want Alpha.
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