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General Questions About Abortion


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Posted

I thought I'd never need a forum like this, but my girlfriend is pregnant and although I'm not excited about it, I respect that she's decided she wants to have an abortion. Her reasons are all in check... We're not married and don't really know if we can sustain a long term future, she doesn't have a job & therefore no income, there is no insurance, neither of us live near family, both have drama in our lives after going through divorce, she was/is using xanex pretty heavily for anxiety (much higher than avg user), she has more stress in her life than normal circumstances due to recent divorce / loss of job, etc.

 

I don't have the first clue where to start to help her with this. She was on the pill and this was unexpected. I want to be there, but I honestly know in my gut she just wants me to pay for this and get out of her life as quickly as possible since I'm responsible for so much of her 'drama'. So that said, I don't want to be over-bearing but more just a place that she can turn to for information if she needs it. She said she can go somewhere in Atlanta, but she needs $500 from me to pay for it.

 

So I have some questions...

 

1) How do I find the closest place that can safely abort this child and keep her as healthy as possible?

 

2) Roughly how much does a standard abortion cost if you are roughly 4-5 wks pregnant? (she's only abt 3 wks right now).

 

3) What can I do to help insure that she's in the best frame of mind to make sane decisions about her health and future?

 

4) How does an abortion occur during this general time frame? Is it just a pill? Is surgery involved?

 

Also - a quick side note, she did mention that she had taken the test only because she was expecting her period and it didn't come RIGHT on time like normal. She expected it to be negative, so she took the test and forgot about it and came back roughly 10 mins later to check the results, which said positive. What are the chances that it was just a false positive? I plan to have her take another test, hopefully while we're together.

 

I appreciate your serious and helpful replies. I really want to find a place that will take care of her that won't cost an arm and a leg. I would much rather pay more to insure her safety though.

Posted

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this..and I'm sorry there is so much stress in her life right now. But here are my thoughts as far as a false positive, these are rare but can happen I would imagine. However when you go to the clinic or doctor to perform the abortion they will run a blood test and everything anyway to make sure. They will also run some tests on your GF to make sure she is in the right state of mind. As far as the abortion I know it's an outpatient type of procedure and not really surgery more of an extraction that they perform with a local anistetic. Go to a local Planned Parenthood and they can answer all your questions.

 

As far as you not wanting to smother her..just let her know that you are there for her to talk to. Don't bug her just be there for her. It sounds like this hopefully will be a wake up call for her to maybe get some help so she can mentally cope with stuff...sounds like she is totally overwhelmed right now.

 

Best of luck to both of you.

Posted

I agree, take her to Planned Parenthood.... there are really good people there... and if, as you said, she has no income, chances are that she could actually have it done for free... I only know about my own state (each state has different funding schemes for these things) but someone who is low income like that could have a free abortion at PP in my state... if not, they deffinitely should have a sliding scale... I know you don't want to be overbearing but don't be stupid either... call PP and do your research and don't give her the $500 if she doesn't really need it (however, that is about the going rate for this sort of procedure if you are going to pay for it) Also, DEFFINITELY take her to get a pregnancy test at a real clinic... go with her... the home ones can be fairly accurate, but the earlier it is in the pregnancy the more likely you are to have an incaccurate result... if she took the test because she was a day late or whatever, yeah, it is deffinitely possible that it was accurate, but I wouldn't trust everything to that... finally, go to http://www.plannedparenthood.org if you want real good info on the different kinds of procedures that are available... basically you have surgical abortion which takes just a few minutes and they do it at the clinic where the cervix is dialated and the fetus removed, or medical abortion which is a pill which causes you to miscarry at home....

Posted

Be prepared that abortion IS a type of surgical procedure so make sure you find a good place. I agree, Planned Parenthood is a safe, reliable place to go with trained people.

 

There is the 'pill' abortion nowadays and it costs a little more than the extraction type. However, it's no walk in the park. My friend did the pill and she said the cramping was very painful and went on for hours. She was fine with no bad effects but she expected it to be like a menstrual period, not so uncomfortable.

 

The extraction can be done awake or asleep; I highly recommend getting knocked out. Either way, your GF will be crampy and uncomfortable for a short time period. She may also be groggy and want to sleep afterwards.

 

Some women have a multitude of feelings after an abortion. Remember, your body is riddled with a lot of hormones when it's pregnant, so she may veer between weepy, elated or irritable.

 

I've known many many women who've had abortions and NONE of them report being traumatized or despondant afterwards. The most common reaction I've heard is relief.

 

Be supportive, get all the information you can and good luck.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you very much for the information. I was given two sites to check out and both seem pretty helpful... http://www.gynpages.com & http://www.atlantasurgicalcenter.com

 

Background Info:

I guess this helps explain a little bit of her change in attitude towards me. My g/f has had a lot of stress in her life and she has a hard time dealing with it all. She's basically shut me out (before she knew she was pregnant) and broke up with me (after she found out). When I say broke up, I mean she just wants to be "casual friends" w/o benefits, for those curious. I barely get a call or two from her daily now and generally then she's only asking for something, not just to chat or invite me over to hang out. Nothing is like it used to be. Neither of us have a lot of extra spending money right now, but money hasn't been what made us happy in the past - it was just being together.

 

I had troubles at my house and moved in with her for about a wk and a half and during our first nights was when we must have conceived (we've been close for about 6 months and actual did want a family together, just not right this moment). At first when I moved in, things were great. But its a small apartment and we were forced to live on top of each other and she felt that she lost her freedom. She withdrew from me almost immediately and the last wk and half have been very stressful for me. I kept questioning the sudden withdraw which only pushed her away. Finally, she gave me what I consider to be a blow-off answer, but I respect that its how she feels and will give her the space she needs. At least I have something to go on now.

 

Is there anything else I can do for her mentally or to help aliviate the stress that this has caused for her? She's already got so much on her plate and she isn't letting me help her in any other part of her life. What used to be sex daily and my best friend has now turned to zero affection from someone I don't even know. Perhaps I did push her away by wanting to be there for her - this happened so quickly without explanation that I didn't know how to deal with it. She doesn't even get up from the computer to greet me when I visit now, nor does she get up to walk me out when I leave. Its very atypical of her attitude towards me over the last 6 months. FWIW: I've actually got an appointment with a counselor to help me deal with all the drama and stress in my life. I just want to make sure that she can count on me if she needs to. I'm open to constructive criticism and anything that might be helpful for either of us. I'm always open to change and anything that will make me a better person. Personally, I need help figuring out how to go from lovers to friends while dealing with an abortion. Advice?

 

Thanks to all replying - its nice to see some support.

Posted

Abortions are always a controversial topic, some people agree with them and other people don't, but what really matters is that both of your interests are considered as well as this unborn childs.

 

I have had 2 abortions (1 year apart from each other) it was the right thing to do for me and i dont regret it. I think if you're in the early stages they can give some medication to abort the fetus, but i am not sure what the cut off date is.....I was 8 weeks first time and 12 weeks second time and both were done "surgically"

 

There was mild discomfort afterward, nothing is cut as such, only like a small vacuum like tube inserted into the Uterus Via the vagina.....

 

Bled quite a bit the first time and hardly any the second time

 

I was with a no hoper bf back then who wanted kids but i knew it just wasnt right, to this day i still have no regrets, the best thing u can do is be there for her and offer her support

 

For some women abortions are a breeze and others have great difficulty emotionally.

 

I have been there myself so if you have any questions please ask, i will help as best as i can

 

**hugs**

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

Why does it always seem easier to kill, than to give up for adoption. If I am not to late, I can point you of where to call and get started on the adoption process. Please if I am not too late , please go here

http://www.abort73.com/ watch the video, especially the second half.

 

also -

Pregnancy Centers Online

 

http://www.pregnancycenters.org

 

 

 

America’s Crisis Pregnancy Helpline

 

800-67-BABY-6

 

 

 

Heartbeat International

 

Visit http://www.heartbeatinternational.org to see their Worldwide Directory of Life Affirming Pregnancy Service Providers, with about 4000 listings and updated monthly.

 

Catholic Charities

 

Catholic Charities has set up a 24-hour national 1-800 service which refers callers to the pregnancy help center nearest to them.

 

Catholic Charities: 1-800-CARE-002

 

 

 

The Nurturing Network

 

Some 32,000 volunteer member resources nationwide provide individually tailored practical support to college and working women with unplanned pregnancies including counseling, medical, residential, educational, employment and financial resources.

 

The Nurturing Network: 1-800-TNN-4MOM

 

 

Birthright

 

Birthright has a network of almost a thousand pregnancy help centers throughout the United States, These centers offer pregnancy testing, counseling, and resources, including medical, financial, and personal assistance. The Birthright philosophy is that a woman coming in for help does not represent a "statistic", or an "issue,", but is rather a human being looking for help and support in a time of need. In addition to pregnancy help services, Birthright also provides links to doctors and others in the local community who can help a woman after the birth of her child. p

 

Birthright: 1-800-550-4900

 

 

 

CareLink

 

Care-Link offers a database of 1,600 Crisis Pregnancy Centers all over the country. By clicking on the Picture below, you can search for the one closest to you.

 

National Life Center

 

National Life Center's 24-hour hotline directs you to the closest Crisis Pregnancy Center in the United States and Canada.

 

1-800-848-LOVE

 

 

 

Bethany Christian Services

 

Bethany Christian Services is one of the nation's leading providers of adoption and crisis pregnancy support information. They operate a national hotline which is active from 8 AM to 12 PM, 7 days a week. This hotline routes callers to one of 56 local offices which can then provide local and regional information.

 

On-going education and support for parents are offered through our adoption support services. Bethany acknowledges that adoption is a life-long process and that adoptive families sometimes have unique issues and concerns. Bethany's adoption pre-screening and placement program is one of the most recommended in the country, and they have placed more than 11,000 children in adoptive homes. In addition, Bethany provides good community-based follow-up, both for women who choose adoption or who raise their child themselves. To get more information you can go to the Bethany Home Page.

 

Bethany Christian Services: 1-800-BETHANY

 

 

 

Several Sources Foundation

 

Several Sources Foundation provides a 24-hour crisis pregnancy help line which can connect any caller to their local pregnancy help resources, including Catholic Charities, Lutheran Social Services, and others. Their database of pregnancy help resources is one of the most complete in the nation. See for yourself at their great website!

 

http://www.lifecall.org

 

or call Several Sources Foundation: 1-800-662-2678

 

 

 

 

 

Good Counsel Homes

 

We offer referrals for anyone from around the country, and assist pregnant, mentally ill and/or drug addicted women.

 

http://www.goodcounselhomes.org

 

800 723-8331

 

 

also - http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/

Posted

Has she retaken the pregnancy test? I'd highly recommend it if not (though I'm betting she already did)...Don't beat yourself up about her anger and distance...I can relate to the situation...take a minute and try to feel what she's feeling...what a shock, you know? Especially in an already stressed relationship...like everyone else said though, Planned Parenthood is the place to go - there are some amazing people there, and if I'm not mistaken, they can do counseling for you as well (abortion counseling) and can recommend further options for you and your (ex?)g/f. I'm so sorry for your situation. She needs so much love and support from you right now, just please don't smother her...call her once a day to see how she's doing and leave it at that...she just needs to know you care...let her know that you're always there for any help she may need...even though you'll see anger, it's not all directed at you...good luck

Posted
Why does it always seem easier to kill, than to give up for adoption. If I am not to late, I can point you of where to call and get started on the adoption process. Please if I am not too late

 

he wasn't looking for advice on other alternatives. the decision was made by those involved, and he asked for more information pertaining to their choice.

 

 

and to the original poster, those videos are to gross you out, not inform you. most of them aren't real anyway.

 

no one said it was pretty, is what i think. but, that is, after all, not the point.

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