Jellostick Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Yesterday I was in Best Buy and I saw this really attractive girl there. We started talking and found out that she's way into comicbooks, video games and TV shows which is totally what I'm into as well. She's really cute, lives not too far from me, has a job helping people and is single! Unfortunately, she's also a lesbian. She gave me her AIM name and we talked last night for over an hour online but she kept on flirting w/ me which kinda bothered me 'cause she's gay. She kept saying that everything that I was telling her just makes me look better and better and that we were really hitting it off. She said something about how her gayness went down 5% by the stuff I was saying, talking to me and that I'm part asian (which she digs, apparently). She also said she thought I was very beautiful looking. She mentioned how the last guy she dated was back in 2001 but that she never says never 'cause "if you asked me 10 years ago that I'd be just dating women, I'd say you were crazy". I mean, I'm not totally upset that I met some really rockin' gal and she's a lesbian but it sucks that we're into the same stuff and she's gay. I hate thinking I might have a shot, though. Is she sending mix signals? Is she flirting w/ me? Cheers.
filarena Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I've got no personal experience, but I do know that researchers claim that strictly hetero- or strictly homosexual people would only make up about 5% of the population each if it weren't for societal constraints. That is, sexual orientation is best seen as being a continuum, not two or three discrete categories. So if she's flirting and telling you she never says never and her gayness decreased since she met you, I'd say give it a go. But try not to get your hopes up. Keep your options open, but understand it might well not work and it wouldn't be a reflection on you if it didn't.
Neptune Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 If you think about it, there really is no situation that you can be sure about from the beginning. You see her lesbian involvement as a stumbling block. But, I assume she is still quite young and also it is true that sexual orientation seems to be somewhat flexible with some people. Just flirt with her and treat her like any other girl you are attracted to. With all the compliments and such. What I`m saying is don`t treat her any different because of her professed sexual preference. It is a woman`s perogative to change her mind;)
Author Jellostick Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 I wouldn't think any less of me if something didn't happen because I already have the thought in my head that she's a lesbian and that she wouldn't go for me anyway. Unfortunately, last night while we were talking she mentioned how great I was, how much we have in common, how she was intimidated by me 'cause she found me very attractive, the whole thing about her gayness decreasing 'cause of how cool I am and so on. She mentioned how my honesty was a "great turn-on" and how funny I am. One thing she said after telling me I was beautiful was, "My friends say im pretty much gay until you get a few drinks in me. so me saying this sober.. should be taken as just a total compliment." She also said, "life is funny... im not saying that i couldnt date a guy ever again, i just dont see it happening. But im not going to be that person who locks out the possiblity of life being.... life." Also, when I told her I loved mangos, she said, "we are a match made in heaven. im DEFINATLY in the minus five" She said something about this thai restaurant that she goes to and said "maybe i'll take you sometime". I mean, it all sounds perfect to me but then I remind myself that she's gay. WTF?! Cheers.
filarena Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Ask her to watch Chasing Amy with you, lol. Seriously, go for it. Obviously don't forget that she's nominally gay, but doesn't sound like you should let it stop you from trying.
Author Jellostick Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Yeah, I'm definitely not forgetting she's gay, I just wish she wouldn't send out these signs that she's attracted to me. I mean, I approached her 'cause I found her attractive and now I find her even more attractive 'cause we have so much in common but it was never my intention to make a new friend, you know? I hate saying that but I'm 29 and I guess I have all the friends I want in my life and if I talk to a gal it's more of me wanting to be w/ them as far as a relationship goes. I know that sounds totally shallow of me but then again, we do have a lot in common and I mean a lot so I guess she can definitely become a good friend of mine if I can get over this whole not wanting more friends crap. At the moment though, I'm still totally attracted to her but I'm not going to stop talking to her if I don't see it going anywhere. I just hope she stops making me think that she's flirting w/ me. Cheers.
westernxer Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Don't make the mistake of befriending her. Her being a "lesbian" doesn't change the dynamic of guy/girl sexual tension. She's feeling it, that's for sure. If you see an opportunity, take it. Don't even acknowledge her liking chicks. That doesn't help your cause at all, unless she wants a threesome.
Author Jellostick Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Don't make the mistake of befriending her. Her being a "lesbian" doesn't change the dynamic of guy/girl sexual tension. She's feeling it, that's for sure. If you see an opportunity, take it. Don't even acknowledge her liking chicks. That doesn't help your cause at all, unless she wants a threesome.So you think that since there's at least an attraction on my part that I shouldn't consider being friends w/ her if she's strictly into girls? I guess I see your point but I'm also looking at what I could be passing up since we're into so much of the same stuff. Like, I'm over my ex-girlfriend but the only thing I miss is that her and I were into a lot of the same stuff and I would love to be friends w/ her still but it takes two to tango. There isn't any attraction w/ her though which is why I could be friends w/ her but unfortunately I'm attracted to this girl. And you think she is flirting w/ me too? I never mentioned anything about her dating women now or anything but yes, I did tell her I'm slightly disappointed that she's a lesbian 'cause I was totally hitting on her when I saw her. It's like it's bad enough when you're interested in someone and you're trying to court them and junk but it's harder in this case 'cause she's not into guys or at least I think she isn't. Cheers.
kitkat826 Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I think its silly and mean of her to be flirting with you like this while claiming to be a lesbian. Either she's open to the idea of dating men, or she's not. It would be like me being in a relationship with someone, but exchanging numbers with someone else to be "friends" and then joking that they were so great that they were making me feel 5% less faithful to my man. Again, I repeat: Either she's open to the idea of dating men, or she's not. Regardless of whatever she wants to call herself.
Author Jellostick Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 It would be like me being in a relationship with someone, but exchanging numbers with someone else to be "friends" and then joking that they were so great that they were making me feel 5% less faithful to my man.That's actually not a bad analogy. Thank you for putting it in different terms. I mean, the part of me that's interested is hoping that she's just confused and perhaps something will happen w/ her and I but I can't get by the fact that she stated she's a lesbian. I was talking to a gay friend of mine today who said that he has met girls that he thought were attractive and they had common interests but he would never flirt w/ them 'cause he's into guys. He feels that this girl is at least bi or still in the experimental stages or whatever but does think that she's flirting w/ me. I just hate how I'm looking at it as all signs are pointing to yes but I'll end up w/ a big fat no when it's all said and done. Cheers.
LN8840K Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Hey man, I think you know what you should do, but just in case here ya go Now personaly I think this was an invite "My friends say im pretty much gay until you get a few drinks in me. too me that says " hey chump let's go out drinking and take my gayness away if just for the night. GET HER DRUNK AND GIVE HER A REASON NOT TO BE GAY ANYMORE I just want to say good luck and were all counting on you
Author Jellostick Posted November 29, 2005 Author Posted November 29, 2005 Hey man, I think you know what you should do, but just in case here ya go Now personaly I think this was an invite "My friends say im pretty much gay until you get a few drinks in me. too me that says " hey chump let's go out drinking and take my gayness away if just for the night. GET HER DRUNK AND GIVE HER A REASON NOT TO BE GAY ANYMORE I just want to say good luck and were all counting on you That's awesome. Thank you for that. Well, most likely I will chat w/ her tonight since she told me what time she will be in and that we will probably talk. I didn't give her my number or vice versa so maybe I'll do that but I really don't want to press my luck if she's definitely a lesbian and not just confused. I've been in weird situations before but never in this kind of situation. Cheers.
LN8840K Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Like West said ...don't get hung up on the lesbian crap .... if you see the opportunity go for it ...... she told you the perfect opportunity, now take the shot maverick peace out
Author Jellostick Posted November 29, 2005 Author Posted November 29, 2005 Well, we spoke again last night online but I think it will probably be the last time I talk to her. Pretty much she told me that she's way into women. I didn't bring anything up about wanting to get w/ her or that I was interested or anything like that. Here's pretty much what was said: Her: well ill tell you what, youve been fun to talk to.. you helped me not think so much about this girl im hung up on. Me: glad i could help. Her: .... sometimes i wish i wasnt gay. Her: girls suck. Me: yep. Her: ::sigh::... that makes it really inconviente being a lesbian ya know. Me: well, as you said last night, you haven't ruled out being w/ a guy again. Her: no.. only cause i know how life works. Me: but i wouldn't know how you're feeling 'cause i've never been there. Her: like, ten years ago i didnt think id be dating women exclusively ya know? Me: yes, you mentioned that last night. Her: and life is so strange.. i cant say it could never happen. Her: i just dont really see it happening ya know? its like. No matter if i find a guy attractive or not.. i know that im much more satisfied by women. Her: so i dont think its a road i could travel down again knowing it couldnt fufill me. Me: then it really should be a thought. Me: *shouldn't Her: well, its not really... i just cant say that anything is an absolute in life. Her: can you? Me: i try not to think that far ahead. Her: yeah.. well, i just dont want to say "never" to anything. No matter how much i really dont think it will happen. Her: but see, i cant admit that to most guys though.. Her: or most girls even. Her: cause they always get the wrong impression.. like, that im not actually gay or something. Me: i'm just saying that if you know you won't get any satisfaction from men, it shouldn't be an issue but once again, i don't know what you're going through so i feel i have no right to offer my opinion. Her: lts not that i dont get any satisfaction from men, its not that at all. Her: i just dont get nearly as much satisfaction out of them as i do women. Her: its like comparing a nickel and a dollar. Her: which one carrys more weight. Me: well, i must confess that i felt you were flirting w/ me some last night. i could be mistaken but if you were straight, i would definitely have thought so. Her: oh no doubt i flirt.... Me: well, if you're gay then you shouldn't be flirting w/ men. Her: but i also told you i was gay... so i thought you understood it wouldnt go anywhere. Her: wow.. ok.. i feel like im having to defend myself.. i just thought i was being funny. Im sorry. Her: i feel like your yelling at me. or something. Me: yes, i knew but it still doesn't justify being flirted w/ by someone of the opposite sex. i mean, i was talking to a friend who's gay today who said he would never flirt w/ a girl 'cause he's not interested. i don't flirt w/ guys. it's confusing, is all. and no, i'm not yelling at you, i'm a passive person and i'm quite calm. i'm just being honest and opened. Me: talking through instant messages can sometimes be confusing but i'm not yelling. Her: well, i didnt think i actually really flirted with you... i mean.. i told you that you were attractive and a beautiful guy. guys take that as flirting though i guess.. but i was just saying it like it is. Me: there were other things but it's cool, don't sweat it. Her: no.. your making me feel bad.. your asking llike your friends and $hit if they would do what i did.. as though your like trying to make me sound like im doing something wrong or not acting "gay enough" Her: and needing others clarification and agreement. Her: makes me sad. Me: please, don't feel bad. it came across confusing and i asked a friend of mine what he thought. it's what i do and i hope it's what anyone would do. Me: it's not my intention to make you feel bad and i don't mean to. Her: sometimes i forget that im talking to guys and how they think... all of my guy friends ive had for forever and i joke with them all the time and they know im not serious.. we all joke that way with each other. Her: so when i talk to someone who doesnt know me.. whos a guy.. and straight.. i sometimes forget that i cant talk to them like i do my friends.. cause i confuse them. Me: it's cool, don't sweat it. Me: i'm actually going to jet 'cause i'm mad tired and should get to bed. Her: alright. Her: night. Me: have a good night and a great day tomorrow. Me: cheers. Sorry, that was long but anyway, that kinda made me decide to walk away from that chapter. I think it kinda sucks that at one point she says she was flirting and then like 3 messages later she says she wasn't. And as I said to her, I wouldn't flirt w/ another guy 'cause I'm not gay, just like my friend wouldn't flirt w/ a girl 'cause he is. That doesn't make any sense but unfortunately, she was doing it w/ me the night before. It's bad enough I get screwed over by straight girls but I'm not puttin' up w/ it w/ gay women as well. Someone said to me that perhaps I could be friends w/ her since we're into the same stuff but really, that's not what I'm looking for and she seems like a very confused person who I might end up disliking so I'm just protecting myself. I'm still trying to clean up loose ends in my head from my recent ex and she's a very confused individual...I don't need another one of those in my life. Cheers.
westernxer Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Lesbian or not, she's looking for a shoulder to cry on. How boring.
kitkat826 Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Lesbian or not, she's looking for a shoulder to cry on. How boring. You always wrap things up so nicely. A true posting role model
filarena Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 IMO, she was flirting with you in that conversation too, until you called her out on it. That put her on the defensive. But she also seems like even if you would have any chance, there might be more drama involved than you want to put up with.
Author Jellostick Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 IMO, she was flirting with you in that conversation too, until you called her out on it. That put her on the defensive. But she also seems like even if you would have any chance, there might be more drama involved than you want to put up with. Yeah, I tend to do that. If I feel a bit uncomfortable about a situation or confused, I'll come right out and tell the person what I think and in this situation I think it was warranted. I wanted to post what happened to me 'cause I felt she was flirting w/ me even though she's gay and you guys confirmed it as well and a gay friend of mine confirming it. I'm glad I'm not crazy, well... And yes, there seems like there would be drama involved whether I pursued a relationship or a friendship and aren't we all tired of drama? I mean, I've been out of a relationship for over a month now and there's more drama after the breakup then during the relationship and I definitely don't want to go into something where I'm in it all over again. And as far as westernxer and his posts are concerned, since I've been a member of this site I have always looked forward to his posts because I find him very insightful, especially in the breakup threads. Maybe he should write a book. Cheers.
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