luvtoto Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 When I meet a man I am interested in I try not to jump in with both feet. I don't care how much I like him...I remain guarded while getting to know him. I step back and allow him to make the effort to pursue me. I take my own sweet time getting to know him. Some people call that being deceitful, playing a game of hard to get. I disagree, I think I'm just protecting my heart. What do you think?
slubberdegullion Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 No, it's not being deceitful if you're forthright with the fellow and tell him that you would rather take it slow than leap right in. Mind you, what may be slow to you and to him might be different; perception is everything. But I'd be a bit careful about forcing him, by action or otherwise, to "pursue" you. That puts too much of the focus on his attempts, and if they aren't successful, he may eventually become disheartened and trot off. So I guess it's about balancing the need to guard your feelings and allowing access a little at a time (my, that sounds a bit naughty, doesn't it? ). Of course, proof is in the result. Is it working? Are you finding what you need? btw... nice puppy!
Author luvtoto Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Quote: But I'd be a bit careful about forcing him, by action or otherwise, to "pursue" you. Oh, I in no way force anyone to pursue me. How would you do that? IfI like the guy, I am encouraging to his advances and tell him how I feel. I just *try* not to get too hung up in the beginning...until I know what *his* intentions are. I remain guarded. A bit of a screening process per say. I just have lots of boundaries you could say. Yes, this is working for me...living in reality and not getting hung up on some fantasy is a good place to be. My self-esteem has improved greatly by having higher standards and boundaries when it comes to dating men. Fools rush in.
slubberdegullion Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Then if it's working, and your self-esteem has improved (as long as it's not at the expense of someone else) then you're on the right track! I guess when I used the term "forcing," that was incorrect. You're right in that you can't really force someone into a pursuit. Maybe I should have used the term "manipulated," in a sense of not calling them back, keeping them dangling and all the rest. For me personally, if I was put in the position of always having to be the pursuer, always having to be the one to call, and always having to take the initiative in the budding relationship, I'd get tired of it pretty quickly. But that's just me; I'm funny like that.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Quote: But I'd be a bit careful about forcing him, by action or otherwise, to "pursue" you. Oh, I in no way force anyone to pursue me. How would you do that? IfI like the guy, I am encouraging to his advances and tell him how I feel. I just *try* not to get too hung up in the beginning...until I know what *his* intentions are. I remain guarded. A bit of a screening process per say. I just have lots of boundaries you could say. Yes, this is working for me...living in reality and not getting hung up on some fantasy is a good place to be. My self-esteem has improved greatly by having higher standards and boundaries when it comes to dating men. Fools rush in. I wish I knew how to do this.
LN8840K Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I think it's a good idea, you can weed out the one's that are serious from the tail chasers, not going to fast and staying slightly guarded. A man that wants you will pursue you, however if you start playing games ( not returning phone calls, turning down dates, mentioning other suitors ) only the most tenacious of men will keep chasing you
LN8840K Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 " I wish I knew how to do this. " I think it's pretty easy, develop realistic expectations and don't be afraid to let someone go, if you are not getting what you need.
Sevenmack Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 "However if you start playing games ( not returning phone calls, turning down dates, mentioning other suitors ) only the most tenacious of men will keep chasing you" And most of the time, the high-quality or Grown-Ass Men won't bother because no woman is so wonderful that she's worth all that game-playing. There are plenty of other high-quality women who will want them and thus will get them. The reality is a G.A.M. wants and needs to know that you are as interested in them as they are in you, which means none of this wishy-washy stuff. The hard-to-get stuff will only leave someone alone.
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