battleworn Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 So here's a problem I've never had before. I'm dating two great women I met online. Some sort of voodoo magic has happened lately to make me more attractive. Maybe it's the holidays coming up. My gut instinct tells me that I shouldn't 'overcommit' on one or the other, because I might have to drop the other. For example, 3rd date on one is coming up-- do I take flowers? Does that move things along too fast? We've kissed already, and she's definitely very interested. I won't have sex with both of them, so I'm kind of on a schedule here... have to decide before the 'sex' date. Which seems to be coming soon. Yeah I know, you guys are thinking, sleep with them both, but I just don't have it in me. So two gals; move slower on both, or just behave as if they're the only one?
Author battleworn Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 I'll save you guys the post; no I don't think I can get a three way out of this.
NatoPMT Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Yeah I know, you guys are thinking, sleep with them both, but I just don't have it in me. Most men dont think like this. maybe immature, selfish men who dont yet understand cause & effect or the simplicity of happiness. Or embittered cynics who dont understand relationships dont have to be a source of pain. I dont think should should commit after a short period of time under any circumstances, but i mean emotionally. I do believe you should commit sexually after one date but then it seems you agree that that. I dont think you should take flowers until you have made the decision, keep things relaxed until you get a feeling for which girl you prefer. why cant you decide? You must have a feeling that you like one better that the other. If one is better looking, and one is better to get along with - decide if looks or getting along is more important to you. However, someone who has a more suitable personality can become more attractive as you get to know them. Someone you dont share values with or dont get with will never get more attractive than whats on the surface.
filarena Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I vote slow things down until you can tell which you like better. If necessary, take a little risk and give them both something of a trial by fire on the next date. Unless you're unlike most people, you probably have a few things you prefer not to say too early, be it personality quirks or things in your past or whatever. Try telling both, see if one reacts better than the other. Just don't pick something so unlikely to bother anyone that it doesn't reveal any information or something so extreme it's likely to send both running. I myself did exactly this. I had gone on the first date with one girl and had just begun speaking to another online. I felt like there was some potential with the first, but I wasn't overlwhelmed with her. I figured I'd go against my usual instinct and be my full wiseass self with the second, figuring if it turned her off I still had the first. Girl #2 asked me if I like to talk on the phone. I replied oh sure, can't get me off the phone. On it all day long. I sometimes dial random numbers just to talk. She said well you should dial this number sometime and see who picks up then gave me hers. I was quite impressed that not only hadn't my (unduly) sarcastic response turned her off, but she took it and ran with it. We are now happily dating.
Author battleworn Posted November 29, 2005 Author Posted November 29, 2005 Trial by fire. Hmmm, yeah I thought of that. Which horror out of my past do I bring up? The years long depression, lack of any long term relationships, body buried in the backyard? I don't know... one is more physically attractive I suppose, but both are cute to me. Both are smart, funny, independent women. One has a kid, but I love kids. How long can you keep dating two people? I've already stumbled over a few "So what are you up to this week?" questions. If either finds out, is that an automatic deal killer? I met both on the long-term relationship portion of the dating site. Also, if I delay having sex with either, at what point does that become suspicious?
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