TiredOfWaiting Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 For those of you who dont know my story, 4 years on and my exMM is now D, initiated by his W. He still lives in their home, is apparently making plans to move over the Christmas period. Many months before his D he asked for space to get through the turmoil. So since then we have not had much of a relationship, and alot of silence and distance and loneliness. At no stage in the entire 4 year period, was he EVER able to commit to me in any way. But yet, he plays the game of still, occassionally, telling me that he loves me, and misses me. But he always wipes out that tenderness with something ugly further down the line. I feel tremendous guilt due to my contribution to the demise of his M. I wanted to be there for him, but he pushed me away. I have a male FRIEND who exMM constantly uses as ammo, to make me feel like a "whore" (his words). My problem is that on weekends, the silence and all the emotions get too much for me and I end up contacting him, and making a fool of myself. He, as usual, is cold and distant. Yesterday I literally begged him to tell me what he wants. What does he want for his future? Does he think I am part of that future? His standard answer: "I dont know. Can we talk about this some other time?" I am looking for answers. I am looking for a YES/NO. I want to either move on, or hang in there. I dont want to make any more excuses for him! He is now D, and yet he is still confused. He doesnt even want to be friends at this point. I dont think he is seeing anyone else. I almost feel as if he is TESTING me to see what my next move will be. Everything I do with my male friend is laden with guilt and trepidation. Some days I feel that too much water has already passed under the bridge, and it would be impossible to resurrect this after all the damage that has been done, by both of us. Yet, he faces Christmas alone, so how can I be happy when he is not? Then again, I had 3 very lonely and sad Christmases when all I could think of was him. Is it time to cut all ties, bag it as a bad "investment", and move on?
Boudicca Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 dump the loser! If you let go maybe he'll realise what hes missing. If you keep chasing him he'll just keep "running". If you don't want him anymore he'll probably come begging. Sounds cliche but it's really true.
foolinlove Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 The ordeal you are going through sounds very painful and confusing.....I remember reading your posts in the past and feared the same for myself once MM made the move to D. Girl, you have given this man 4 years of your life....4 years you will NEVER get back. And each day that passes that you are miserable is another day you've missed out on. I think you have proven yourself to him over and over by still being there for him. I know it hurts like He** and no closure is driving you CRAZY. He has given you his answer in that he just don't know. If he loses your love....it is HIS loss! You should/cannot prove your love to this man anymore, if he is uncertain about his feelings and isn't man enough to tell you how he feels....then walking away is the only choice YOU have. And I don't mean walk away into another relationship, I mean walk away from the pain he is causing you, the feeling of desperation he makes you feel. Being alone on Christmas will be a good damn wake up call for him, and damn straight he should spend it alone. He didn't give a sh** when you spent your X-mas's alone so why should you concern yourself with his feelings. Standing strong and making yourself happy is what YOU need to do for YOU. A man cannot do this for you, YOU have to do this for you. And if the two of you meet up in a different time and place in your lives...and things are as they should be....then great. If you move on to find someone who loves you and is certain of their love for you and he finds himself wanting you back...HIS loss. I think he is going through a difficult time, no doubt. He is just D, on his own for the first time in years, does he have kids? If so, the guilt of leaving them behind....it a terrible stress for anyone. But not YOUR stress, not no more, you've tried with all your heart and soul to be there for him and he has denied your help. Walk away, give yourself the dignity of that. I'll tell you what, I'm in a similar situation.....3 years waited for MM. He has filed, and D will be final soon...if he told me after that that he needed time, and he "didn't know"...I'd walk away from that a**hole and never look back. That would be the most cold and hearless thing he could do to me considering the time I invested in him, heartbroken times I went through, opportunities I passed up waiting for him. DONE! I'd tell him, YOUR loss, and good luck finding ANYONE who will EVER love you like i have. Girl....you don't need this....and he don't deserve you. Don't waste anymore of YOUR precious time wondering what he wants....do what you want! AND LIVE!!!!! Best wishes...a broken heart WILL heal. HUGS!!!
TiredOfWaiting Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 FoolInLove - yes, you are correct, what he has done is heartless, but there is another way to look at it - that he isnt sure, and I guess he is doing the right thing for him. He is just going about it the wrong way by not making it a BLACK & WHITE DECISION. My biggest gripe is that everytime I tried to end this in the past, he would find a way to pull me in again. Like you, I missed so many chances to be happy with an available man. And now this? What happened to that man that said he would rather die than be without me? Yes he has 2 kids. I understand the turmoil. I never said "marry me now". I offered my friendship and support, and even that was rejected. Thank you so much for your post. It means the world to me.
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