Resilient1 Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 This is my first time writing on this site so I'll try to make it as short as possible... A little background: I have known this girl for 12 years, she was 13 and I was 15 and it was puppy love and then we went are separate ways until about 3 1/2 years ago when we reunited. We took it to another level and went out for about 2 years almost to the point of marriage. Until things all crumbled. Me and my ex split over a year ago however we have been doing all the things couples do up until 3 mo. ago. We split over my regretful mistake of sleeping with someone else while we were on a break. I also lied to her about it among other things and having backstabbing friends didn't help either. Over the past year I have done everything I can to try to reconcile with her. I have stopped lying, been totally devoted to her and realized she is everything to me. We spent about 90% of our time together throughout the year, showing affection to each other and I was still spending the night at her house. We still went through bad times but we were still there together. She told me that we would never get back together "officially" though. She always told me when and if she meets someone how I would take it and I said that I would hold my feelings in. Well about 3 mo. ago she met someone else. They have been together ever since. I couldn't hold my feelings in even though I tried. I was soo angry and hurt at first and tried to make her feel guilty for moving on.. I know it was wrong but I needed her. .she was like air to me.. I couldn't breathe. She wants me to be her best friend still. This has been so hard to do since I still love her. It is so difficult knowing I am not that special person in her life anymore. Knowing that my efforts, just my presence wasn't enough from preventing her to move on. She sometimes gives me confusing signals like she doesn't know what she wants, she needs to find out by going out with this guy whether she should move on or not? and to let her make that decision. She later says she didn't mean getting back with me. She also has said that her feelings for me are uncomparable to the way she feels about anyone else right now. She later said that meant I was the closest person to her. Everytime I talk about her situation with her new bf I get upset and express how hurt I am and she hangs up on me and ignores my calls afterwards. She says she still thinks about me and cares for me but will never get back with me because she doesn't want to put herself through the pain I caused again. I love this girl so much it hurts and can't seem to let go. I tried the NC method but when she calls me I can't ignore her. I have also grown close to her family and her children making it harder to just walk away. Recent actions have been her wanting me to go shopping with her the day after thanksgiving and complained that her bf would just moan about standing in line and also this Sat. she referred to him as "he is probably going to make me take him to my friend's birthday party. I was going to take her lunch at work after I got her medicine since she was sick and she said not to because he would make a scene. Asked why she was with him and she said she didn't know later to say she was just being a smart ass.. I would do anything for this girl and have grown so much as a person but I think she doesn't see it for what it is. Last night we got into it and she called me selfish for not being just a friend and also for telling her bf to get off the phone once he got on to confront me about not apologizing to him for calling him a name even though I did. I am not confrontational but this guy is an a**h***! She took his side and broke my heart even more.. It seems that she talks to me differently when he is around.. God only knows how much I love this girl and I ask him to shed his grace on me for messing up the blessing he gave me. I ask him if it is meant to be please bring us back together and if it isn't please send me an angel. I soo much wish we could have a second chance. Thanks for reading.. I am just looking for similar situations or some kind of advice on what to do next..
jacked17 Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Yeah i was in a similar situation. I was with my ex and first love for 2 and a half years. We didn't exactly treat each other that well and decided to take a break. I figured we would just get back together after a couple months off to spend with friends and what not. Well it didn't exactly work that way and she met someone else right as I came back into her life asking to work on things. She demonstrated a lot of the same behavior traits telling me, that the way she felt about me was special and different compared to this other guy. She kept telling me how much she loved and promised me we'd be together but in the long run she decided she couldn't go back. She ended up hanging out with the other guy all the time and her feelings changed and I was left with nothing but unanswered questions. I'm in the same boat as you I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. I'm pretty terrible at giving advice because I don't listen to anything anyone ever tells me. I just don't think you're going to want to be around when they start becoming serious and when she starts talking about him to you because it will honestly rip your heart out and it's not a very good feeling. It will leave you with a lot of nightmares and sleepless nights. I'm not one to just say stop talking to her because it's the hardest thing to do. The short term fix you get from talking to her isn't going to help when she's with someone else in the long run it just hurts even more. It's tough when you feel like you messed everything up and there's nothing you can do about it.
Author Resilient1 Posted November 29, 2005 Author Posted November 29, 2005 You are right in saying it will only hurt more ,as their relationship grows, for me to stick around. I have become second and that is the worst feeling in the world when at one time I was her air and she couldn't breathe without me. She says that she doesn't care for this guy that deeply and she doesn't love him and only refers to her feelings towards him as "he's cool". I feel like she thinks my love is a joke though. The worst part is that she knows how I feel towards her yet she expects me just to hold it all in and be her friend. She doesn't realize that everytime I look at her I want to hug her, kiss her and just embrace her. I am going on two days not talking to her since she called me selfish. I don't know all I can do is let go and let god. Thanks for reading.
penkitten Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 its time to let her go and move on so you can be happy. going shopping with her because her boyfriend doesnt want to is not what you want so dont do it.
Clair Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Start dating other women and let her know about it, saying that you can still be friends. She will feel she is loosing your love, that will make her jealous and insecure. She will see that the new guy is not everything she wants, like she might have thought before.
jacked17 Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 If she only says he's cool why is she with him again? I dunno it seems like she's playing some serious mind games with you and trying to keep you on the sidelines or something. Even though she says she doesn't have the same feelings for this guy like she did for you or she doesn't love him like she loves you it doesn't matter because she's not with you. Words are only words. It's actions that tell you what's going on and she's with someone else. It sucks. I went through a similar thing I was told the guy my ex was dating while we were trying to reconcile was needy, and he was meaningless. Well sometime over the past month he's become pretty important because they spend every day together. I'm only 23 years old but the women I've ever dealt with basically more often than not you can't take what they say at face value.
Author Resilient1 Posted November 29, 2005 Author Posted November 29, 2005 The fact is that she said that he treats her good and that is the reason she gave me when I asked her again why she was with him. I asked her don't I treat you good and she replied I didn't say that. I put her on a pedestal and I think sometimes she takes that for granted. Anything she asks me I am readily available. I try so hard to be a different man from when we went out. I want to try new things with her and make her happy. Her approval of me is everything. She expects me to just accept that she is in a relationship even though I am crazy about her. I haven't spoke with her since Sat. night. I do fine during the day, for the most part but at night I miss her so much. It's crazy because people around , even at restaurants see we have good chemistry but she is in denial or maybe I am. She called me selfish and I think that is BS. I have sacrificed for this girl a lot. I even cut my family gathering short for her on Thanksgiving because she asked me to come visit with her and her children (her bf was no were around). She didn't think her family was going to make it. So I went and spent time with her. I got upset when she said that she hopes I don't think I am going to spend the night even when I didn't say anything. I cried to her and got emotional and compared myself with this guy. I said you don't even know how much I care for you and she said that she knew and that she is going through a lot right now and let's talk later cuz she had to work in the morning. I wish she would realize that I am a good guy and would be better to her than anyone. She's got my heart and that is the hardest thing to get back. I am going to stay away for a few days... and see what happens. Does anyone believe the old saying If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was (meant to be)??
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